Month: September 2008

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Can You Let Go of Resistance? The Sedona Method, Part 2

In Part 1 of this series I introduced the Sedona Method, a powerful & easy-to use program that helped me learn to let go of negative thoughts, emotions and behaviors that were holding me back in every aspect of my life — from health, to career, to relationships.

As you might have guessed, this installment focuses on resistance. Here’s an excerpt from the course on the subject:

“What is Resistance?
Have you ever started a project really gung ho and lost enthusiasm somewhere in the middle? That’s resistance. Resistance is quite insidious. It’s one of the main things that stop us from having, doing and being what we want in life. In fact, we often resist things we really like and care about.

And if someone tells us to do something, that’s a sure-fired trigger for resistance. It may come up even if we would like to do what we’re being told to do. Resistance can be self-sabotaging and counter productive, and it’s operating constantly because we live in a sea of “shoulds” and “have to’s” and “must do’s” and other imperatives.

When you are told you should do something, or you have to do something, what do you feel inside? “No way! Don’t tell me what to do!” The exact same thing happens when you tell yourself what to do… That’s just the nature of our minds. We simply do not like being told what to do. Yet we are continually “shoulding” on ourselves and then wondering why we are not having fun and why things are not getting done.”

As I worked on letting go of resistance, I was surprised by some of the things that came up. I found that I was resisting things like love from my wife, success in my career, better health and better eating habits.

Here’s an exercise, straight from the Sedona Method, that will give you a feel for what it’s like to let go of resistance. It might feel hard to do, or you may find it easy. Either way, it’s OK just the way it is. Remember, this is only one “slice” of the program. There’s a lot more to it than I am able to explain here.

Take a deep breath and focus inside.

Think of something that you resist, or resist doing.

Could you welcome the feeling of resistance? (along with any sounds, sensations or pictures that arise with that feeling) Let the feeling fully be here.

Could you let go of the feeling of resistance?

Could you allow yourself to accept what is as best you can?

If you repeat these steps a few times, I think you’ll find that at least some of the resistance has been lifted. Remember, this is only a small part of what the Sedona Method has to offer.

The next installment will focus on letting go of the need for control, and includes another practical exercise to help you release it. In the meantime if you’d like to learn more, or try the CD program risk free, click here. To check out the book on Amazon.com, click here.

And remember, you are not alone…

Related Links:
Part 3 is about letting go of the need for control
Part 4 introduces how to let go of wanting approval
Part 5 looks at letting go of the need for security/survival

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Do You Have a Date Night?

For the past two months, my family has been without a babysitter. Since we live 800 miles away from friends and family, without a sitter there is no opportunity for my wife and I to have dinner, stroll through the bookstore, or have coffee & conversation without the kids.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my kids and I love spending time with them. But I also need some wife time. Just me and her, “man-o a wife-o,” so to speak. Without a sitter, Date Night was no more. And as every week went by, I realized the import of those few hours of husband & wife time we shared.

Thank goodness we finally found a new sitter. Date Night has been reinstated!

My circumstances got me wondering about other couples. If you’re married with kids, do you do date night? Or some other form of husband and wife time?

If you’re a single parent, how do you handle a date night with your kids? Do they meet your date, or do you keep your love life separate from the kids until a relationship becomes more serious?

Your thoughts, opinions and stories are appreciated.

And remember, you are not alone…

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The Sedona Method: Your Key to Happiness, Success, Peace & Emotional Well-being

“I have been exposed to many self-improvement techniques and processes. This one stands head and shoulders above the rest for its ease of use, its profound impact, and the speed with which it produces results.

The Sedona Method is a vastly accelerated way of letting go of feelings like anger, frustration, jealousy, anxiety, stress and fear, as well as many other problems — even physical pain — with which almost everybody struggles at one time or another.”

— Jack Canfield, co-creator of the Chicken Soup for the Soul books

In my life, I have usually found that when something appears too good to be true, it turns out to be something that was too good to be true. This is NOT the case with the Sedona Method. It is an easy to use program that delivers what it promises — wonderful, life-changing results.

In this first part of this series, I’d like to present an overview of some fundamentals of the course:

– Letting go of resistance

– Letting go of the need for control

– Letting go of the need for approval

– Letting go of the need for security/survival

The current version of the course includes many other facets as well. But these core elements are what helped empower me to: heal from Crohn’s Disease, quit an incredibly toxic job, drastically lower my anxiety level, rid myself of obsessive compulsive thoughts, behaviors, anger issues, debilitating fear and stress — to name a few.

I was able to do this by learning to let go of the negative thoughts, emotions and behaviors that I was holding on to. The process is so simple, anybody can do it. All you need is a sincere desire to find a better way to live.

Hale Dwoskin, CEO and Director of Training of The Sedona Method asks: “Have you ever held on to an emotion even though there was nothing you could do to satisfy it, make it right, or change the situation that appeared to cause it?

Have you ever held on to tension or anxiety even after the initial event that triggered it was long over? This is the form of holding on that we will explore throughout this course.

What is the opposite of holding on? Well, letting go, of course…”

Part 2 of this series focuses on letting go of resistance, and includes a practical exercise to help you release it. In the meantime if you’d like to learn more, or try the CD program risk free, click here. To check out the book on Amazon, click here.

And remember, you are not alone…

Related links:
Part 2 focuses on letting go of resistance
Part 3 is about letting go of the need for control
Part 4 introduces how to let go of wanting approval
Part 5 looks at letting go of the need for security/survival

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9/11 Remembered

I think about September 11th just about every day.

I always seem to look at the clock when it’s 9:11. I notice when it’s the expiration date for milk and other perishable foods. 

Although I’ve lived in Wisconsin for the past two years, I lived in NY for the first 38 years of my life.

And although I remember the day vividly, that’s not what this post is about. This is about taking a moment to honor the souls that were lost that day, and honoring their families as well.

This is about asking and thanking the Universe for a more peaceful world.

And remember, you are not alone…

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How to Retrain the Reactive Brain, Part 2

In part one of this series, I wrote about how being yelled at as a boy has affected how my brain processes information — causing me to react a certain way during stressful situations with my own kids. 

In short, sometimes I yell. 

Since being yelled at physically damages kids brains (see Stop Yelling Daddy, Part 2), my goal has been to find more productive, less damaging alternatives to deal with my boys when one (or both) of them refuses to listen, has a tantrum, starts bossing me around, or is exhibiting some other type of undesirable behavior.

But my brain is hardwired to react a certain way (in part because I was yelled at as a kid), so it has not been easy.

My goal is to retrain my brain — to turn it off autopilot. Here’s an update about what I’ve been doing, and discovering, the past two weeks…

(1) Breathing.
I know this sounds ridiculous, but when the kids start acting out I forget to breathe. I have found this is the catalyst to losing my cool. I have had to force myself to take a moment and breathe before I react. I’ve been taking a step back from the culprit, and turning slightly away. This gives me a moment to think.

(2) Use Consequences Instead of Yelling.
This has been a major breakthrough for me. I do feel that sometimes I’m lacking compassion as I offer up a consequence when the kids are not listening. I do not like the feeling of being an authoritarian, but how else can I teach the boys when they’re acting out? Consequences certainly feel (and work) better than yelling. And hitting is just out of the question.

There needs to be some type of negative consequence.

Following through has been the key. I saw a positive change in Max, 4, right away. His refusing to go to bed disappeared once he realized I was serious about no Speed Racer cartoons the next day. Literally overnight, he became more cooperative. 

Unfortunately my son Joss, 2, seems unfazed by any of this. Luckily he does respond to redirection. 

Positive consequences.
The flip side of this is that there needs to be “positive consequences” when the boys do listen, when they are being good kids. Whether we simply thank them, hug them, give them a special surprise like their favorite dinner or a new toy — acknowledging the positive is essential.

The idea is not to make the boys feel bad about themselves. The idea is to help them learn.

What worries me is that my sons are stopping an unwanted behavior because of the repercussions, not because they understand why the behavior is undesirable. Yes, they’re learning to be more accountable for their actions. But I prefer that they also learn WHY they are being punished — I want to go beyond the consequence.

They need to learn that the consequence is a result of a behavior that was negative. They also need to understand why the behavior is considered negative to begin with.

Often, once things settle down we have a brief discussion to help them understand. When we talk, I try to be calm, clear and compassionate.

Never call your child “bad.”
I try very hard not to direct the word “bad” towards my boys. When I talk to them, they need to know bad behavior does not make them bad. The behavior itself is what is bad, not them. We used to call Joss a “bad boy,” when he misbehaved until we realized this was attaching the word “bad” to him instead of what he was doing. 

Is he bad? Or is his behavior bad?

This needs to be clear to all involved, otherwise we’re perpetuating a poor self image, which will produce more “bad” behavior. We want to help our kids be true to themselves, not disable them with negative baggage.

(3) Letting go of the need for control.
It is sometimes difficult for me to separate my need to control from my need to be a compassionate father & teacher. Sometimes, my kids just need to be heard. Sometimes I need to let them have a minute to be upset. Emotions are part of life and I need to respect that.

If they’re out of control, a consequence may be the short-term answer to make them stop. But I need to do a better job in being understanding and compassionate BEFORE things get out of control.

And remember, you are not alone…

Related links:
– Stop Yelling Daddy, Part 1
– Stop Yelling Daddy, Part 2
– An Interview with Mark Brady, Part 1
– An Interview with Mark Brady, Part 2
– An Interview with Mark Brady, Part 3

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Tops in Pops: The Best Daddy Blog Posts of August

Tops in Pops: The Best Daddy Blog Posts of August 2008

There is something very exciting about receiving entries for Tops in Pops. I have to be honest though, some of the entries have nothing to do with being a dad. Many of them aren’t even written by dads. But some of them are really special. It’s an honor to receive these, and help spread the word.

This month’s installment is short but sweet, with fantastic favorites for the month of August, 2008.

Every month, this ongoing blog carnival spotlights extraordinary dads — finding out what’s on their minds, and in their hearts. I hope you enjoy this month’s selection, and I look forward to your comments.

And now, the best of August…

EDITOR’S PICK:

Jeff Tincher presents Why Can’t I Relax? | Daddy`s Toolbox posted at Daddys Toolbox. A candid look at stress, and how difficult it is to let go of. The author also shares the major cause of why he can’t relax around his kids: the loss of his sister, Jennifer, when he was a boy. 

babbo presents Dad Gets a New Title posted at DadTalk. Brett explores the ongoing challenge of trying to balance being a parent and a WAHD. Yes, I said WAHD. Read his post for the definition that’s less gross than this acronym sounds.

Reservoir Dad presents Northern Dads Group Guest Blogger #1 – Jack posted at Reservoir Dad, saying, “This is a post from one of the Dad’s at my local Dad’s group.” The post revolves around what the local dad’s group talks about when they get together. Although dads from older generations might think raising kids is “piss easy,” most of us modern day dads need to get together once and a while to discuss stuff.

Reservoir Dad presents No Point Crying Over Spilt Weetbix (with an intro to Dr Drowser) posted at Reservoir Dad. Just for the record, I usually only allow one submission per daddy blogger. But since Reservoir Dad’s other post is by a guest blogger, I’m making an exception. Plus, this is a great post! It is a realistic look at a (difficult) day in the life of a real dad.

Jeremy Neal presents What Kind of Dad Did You Have? posted at Discovering Dad. Written by guest blogger Matt Pfingsten, who shares that his dad went from great to awful rather quickly. “It was as if someone flipped a switch in his head that instantly transformed him…”

babbo presents, An Interview with Mark Brady, Ph.D: Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3. Mark’s insight on how the brain of a child is physically damaged by emotional abuse, yelling and hitting is amazing. We also discuss parental exhaustion/stress and how to help our kids develop “secure attachment.”

That’s it for this month. If you’ve read an awesome daddy blog post, or written one yourself, here’s your chance to shine (or help a fellow daddy blogger shine) by submitting a post you feel is “Tops in Pops,” for next month’s blog carnival. As long as the nominated post is written by a daddy blogger, it’s accepted for consideration.

What are you waiting for? Submitting a nomination is easy. Just use this carnival submission form. It takes about 10 seconds, and your done!

And remember, you are not alone…

Previous Tops in Pops Installments:
Tops in Pops: The Best Daddy Blog Posts of June 2008
Tops in Pops: The Best Daddy Blog Posts of July 2008

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