The Daddy Brain Workshop: Upcoming Events

The Daddy Brain Workshop

DaddyBrain

Dads and dads to be, join us at one of the following Daddy Brain Workshops:

Dads Day @ Meriter Hospital
February 7, 2015, from 9-11am
2650 Novation Parkway
Madison, WI 53713
Register for the workshop

The Daddy Brain Workshop @ Matrix Collaborative
March 4, 2015 from 6-7:30pm
6302 Odana Rd.
Madison, WI 53719
Register for the workshop

The Daddy Brain Workshop @ Stoughton Hospital
March 26, 2015 from 6-7:30pm
Stoughton Hospital Bryant Health Education Center
Register for the workshop

Dads Day @ Meriter Hospital
May 16, 2015, from 10am-12pm
2650 Novation Parkway
Madison, WI 53713
Register for the workshop

WORKSHOP TOPICS INCLUDE:

  • Dad’s emotional life
  • Transition into fatherhood
  • Co-parenting
  • Positive and negative forms of discipline
  • Maintaining a healthy relationship with your partner
  • Intimacy issues
  • Coping with exhaustion
  • Bonding with baby
  • Second-class parent syndrome
  • Goals for dad, kids and the family
  • Maintaining a balance, as best as possible
  • Supporting mom and and asking for support

The workshop is a safe place for dads, and dads-to-be to share, learn and be heard. Hope to see you there!

And remember, you are not alone …

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The Daddy Brain Workshop for Dads

The Daddy Brain Workshop
Saturday, October 19, 2013

DaddyBrain

WHERE
Meriter Hospital
2650 Novation Parkway
Madison, WI 53713

WHEN
10–11:30 a.m.

TOPICS INCLUDE
– Dad’s emotional life
– Transition into fatherhood
– Co-parenting
– Positive and negative forms of discipline
– Maintaining a healthy relationship with your partner
– Intimacy issues
– Coping with exhaustion
– Bonding with baby
– Second-class parent syndrome
– Goals for dad, kids and the family
– Maintaining a balance, as best as possible
– Supporting mom and and asking for support

For more info, or to register, please visit Meriter Hospital’s website.

And remember, you are not alone …

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The Daddy Brain Workshop at the Goodman Community Center

The Daddy Brain Workshop
A Dads-only Event

Tuesday, May 22, 2012
7-8pm CST
The Goodman Community Center
Merrill Lynch Room C
149 Waubesa St.
Madison, WI 53704

This Month’s Topic …
The Discipline Dilemma: How to teach our children without traumatizing them.
Positive and negative forms of discipline are discussed, along with some of the adverse affects that negative discipline causes – including physical brain damage and the impairment of brain development. In addition to providing positive alternatives, we’ll also cover how the parent’s brain is wired, and how each of us can develop new habits that will help our kids grow into happy, healthy adults.

Click here for more information on Daddy Brain Workshops.

Reservations suggested. Walk-ins welcome. FREE.

Contact: Joey Donovan Guido

E-mail: daddybrain@live.com

Phone: 608-216-6760

And remember, you are not alone …

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Peace Begins at Home: 6 Tips for Siblings

In our home there seems to be a constant struggle to have our boys play together peacefully and respectfully. Although our younger son (4) shares very well, his older brother (7) has a hard time with it. There’s also a constant battle for control between them. The result? Stress for everybody.

The following article by Charlotte Reznick, Ph.D., sheds some light on how to help our children’s interactions be more peaceful and pleasant. I’m grateful she’s allowed me to repost it here …

“Haven’t we evolved and learned war is not an answer?”

The state of the world has been on the mind of so many of the families I work with. Too many wars, too much aggression, too much not caring about each other and the planet. It’s created an underlying anxiety even for the youngest kids who are exposed to the news in their living rooms. One tense teen asked, “Haven’t we evolved and learned war is not an answer?” In his mind, it’s hard to fight someone who doesn’t want to fight you back, so if everyone would decide not to fight, war could end.

Although we may not be able to do anything about what’s happening across the globe, surely we can do something about what’s right in front of us. Peace can begin at home – starting with brothers and sisters.

Like nine-year-old Lars. All he wanted from his big brother was peace. He hated arguing over video games and TV, and was hurt and angry at the older one’s constant teasing. Or six-year-old Taylor’s jealousy of her three-year-old brother. Although she longed for a sibling, it was different once Riley was born. Taylor flip-flopped between loving hugs and dangerous squeezing.

Kids tell me they want positive interactions with their siblings. But buttons get pushed, defenses go up, and friction abounds. We all play a crucial role. Cooperation, empathy, kindness, fair play, and self-control don’t always come naturally to children; they are skills taught through practice, just like making a bed and riding a bike.

If you want to encourage kindness and generosity, let kids see yours. To foster self-control, watch how you respond to frustration and anger. Each conflict is a learning opportunity and a child’s imagination makes a great study partner. Even ten-year-old Melody, who couldn’t speak up to her big bossy sister, conjured up an imaginary Wizard who coached her to say “No” in a strong and clear voice.

Consider these 6 tips to squelch sibling squabbles and develop more loving connections:

(1) Don’t Underestimate Stress:
When pressure is high, patience for little annoying behaviors fall. Teach your children to use the 0 to 10 Scale for stress check-ups (0 = no stress; 10 = the most stress). Then, use Balloon Breathing (slow deep breathing about two to three inches below the navel) to calm and re-center, lower reactivity, and raise tolerance.

(2) Find Out What’s Under the Big Bad Feelings:
Start by accepting and validating whatever your child is feeling about his sibling. Then gently guide him to the core issue. Listen to whatever he offers for angry or hateful feelings, then advise, “Close your eyes, and be surprised at what’s under your anger (jealousy, betrayal…).” Taylor found sadness under her hate for her new baby brother – she was sad because she missed the attention and time with her mom that she used to have. When your child faces the emotions under his distress, you can help him make a plan to release them and make peace with his sis or bro. Taylor’s mom invited her to help with the new baby – Taylor got to spend time with mom and feel proud of helping out.

(3) Use Animal and Wizard Wisdom in a Pinch:
Suggest calling in a wise imaginary Animal Friend or Wizard for advice for any sibling disputes. Taylor’s Blue Bird flew in and recommended instead of pinching her brother or pulling his hair, she pinch and pull her pillow. And Mr. Magic offered her the gift of a magic eraser – it erased her bad thoughts about her brother.

(4) Have Feelings Talk to Each Other:
Your child probably has a range of emotions about his siblings, some of which are as distinct as love/hate or happy/mad. Having his feelings “speak” to each other can result in a creative compromise. Once they get the hang of it, kids can practice together or role play, as the Anger of one negotiates with the Sadness of the other, helping them understand each other even more.*

(5) Give the Marble Jar a Chance:
This usually works like a charm. To encourage your kids getting along, let them know you appreciate and want to acknowledge their efforts at being kind to each other. Then take a jar, and every time you “catch” them being “neutral or nice,” drop a marble (or pasta piece or colored glass bead) in the jar. In the beginning, lots of reinforcement is important to encourage their positive behavior. When the jar is filled up (about a month) offer some terrific fun time. And along the way, say each quarter up (about a week) reward them with something simple but enticing (picking the videos you rent, special ice-cream, whatever you decide together).

(6) Unique, Not Equal:
It’s okay to treat your kids differently. They are different – likely different ages and certainly different personalities and needs. Talk to your children about how and why you make your choices. Listen to any hurt feelings, and let them know what you can change, what you can’t, and why. At the same time, try to avoid favoritism and comparison. Celebrate each child’s uniqueness, and encourage cooperation, not competition.

Charlotte Reznick, Ph.D. is a child educational psychologist, an Associate Clinical Professor of Psychology at UCLA and bestselling author. In addition to her private practice, she creates therapeutic relaxation CDs for children, teens and parents, and teaches workshops internationally on the healing power of children’s imagination.

You can visit Charlotte’s Web site at: www.ImageryForKids.com. You can also check out her book, The Power of Your Child’s Imagination: How to Transform Stress and Anxiety into Joy and Success, at Amazon.

Collective Bargaining for Dads

Over the past few weeks, teachers and parents across America have banded together to keep collective bargaining alive so that teachers have a voice in their own future.

But what about dads?

Did you know that in Wisconsin there was a bill called the Equal Placement Draft that was proposed during this same time period? The bill proposed that dads who were willing and able to take care of their children 50% of the time should be able to do so. Overshadowed by the the issue over teachers’ collective bargaining rights, also an important issue, the bill got lost in the shuffle and was not passed.

How did we arrive here? How is it that our government does NOT find it overwhelmingly just and fair that a dad who is WILLING AND ABLE to take care of his kids should be allowed to do so?

Yet thousands of dads are sitting home right now without their children. I can assure you that some of them are in tears over it. These dads work hard, and they deserve to be an equal parent to their kids – yet they are not allowed to do so.

Who wins? Not the kids. Not their dads. I’m sure that there are moms who are happy to have their kids around most of the time. That’s only natural. But is this arrangement benefiting the child when dad is a man of integrity that mom just doesn’t get along with anymore?

Our schools and our communities aren’t winners when they have to deal with children that have behavior problems because there is no male role model to guide them.

Taking a long term view, who wins?

It looks to me like the courts are the only winners, because it’s far more simple to give dads 4 days a month to see their kids (just over 10% visitation) and 100% of the child support than it is to give a couple who are disgruntled with each other a settlement that is fair to the CHILD. It’s a classic case of dad being treated like a second-class parent, and it is shameful.

When a marriage does not work out, that doesn’t mean that bitterness and negative feelings should overtake a parent’s responsibility to put their child’s welfare at the top of their list of important things. This is true whether the parent is a man or a woman. Yet the courts have conditioned the process to strip dads and children of their rights.

There was an amazing response by teachers and parents, alike, when it was proposed that collective bargaining be taken away. But here’s my question:

Where were the dads and dad advocates?

Why was downtown Madison, WI, devoid of people shouting for dads’ rights? Are divorced dads so defeated that they believe they don’t deserve to be heard?

And remember, you are not alone …

The Magic If – Do You Know What Your Future Looks Like?

When I speak about goals to students and families, one of the things I do is help people create a 5-Year Vision – a very specific picture of what they want their lives to look like and who they want to be five years down the road. It’s something I learned about from Brian Tracy.

What I’ve found is that many people say they have no idea what it is they want to be doing, or who they want to be in five years. But when I ask a very simple question, almost 100% of the time their “not knowing” melts away and a clear answer begins to manifest.

So what’s the question?

What if? What if you did know? Who would you be? What would your life look like?

This question comes from the famed director and teacher, Constantine Stanislavski, one of the greatest contributors to modern theater and film acting.

Stanislavski had a theory called the “magic if,” and he instructed his actors to ask questions like: “what if I were this character? What if this were my role? How would I act? How would I react? How would I feel? If this were my life, what would I do? Who would I be?

You might be wondering what this has to do with your life. An actor playing a role and a real person are totally different – right? Not as much as you might think.

When you’re an actor, you audition for a role and you either get offered the role or you don’t. If you’re offered the role, it’s your choice whether or not you accept it. It’s completely up to you.

Life is the same way. Whether you know it or not, we’re all actors. At least to the degree that we ALL accept the role being offered to us or we don’t.

As an example, let’s say you’re a sales associate. What’s being put upon you is the role of sales associate. That’s what’s you think you should be doing, that’s what you’re being told you should be doing. And so you go into work every day, and you love it. You love working with your boss, you enjoy being a sales associate – helping people find what they need, merchandising the store, etc. It’s a good company and you’re satisfied – great!

You’re accepting that role, and you’re happy about it. It’s the role you want.

Now let’s alter the situation. You’re still a sales associate, but now you hate it. You despise it. You can’t stand your boss, you loath your calling in life – or more specifically what you think your calling in life is. And even though you hate coming into work every day, you still do.

You’re accepting that role of sales associate. It’s your choice whether or not you change it. Just like the actor, you decide.

In order to make a change, or more specifically a change that’s going to give you a more fulfilling life, you’ll need to discover, clarify and set a new goal. Then you can make a plan to help you move toward accomplishment of that goal. For more details on what I call smart goal setting, click on the links at the end of the article.

One Final Note
Sometimes when you’re thinking about change, fear rears its ugly head. You may start thinking things like, “this looks too hard. I’m scared. What if I fail?” There will be a temptation to not try at all, to remain in the same exact spot that you’re in. But remember, failure is sometimes part of the process. It’s what we do with what appears to be failure that defines our future.

It took Thomas Edison over 10,000 “failures” before he invented a working light bulb. It took Colonel Sanders (Kentucky Fried Chicken) 1,009 “failures” before he received his first yes from a restaurant to sell chicken with his secret recipe.

As Brian Tracy says, “the five years are going to pass anyway.” When you arrive at that future time, will you be happy if you’re in the same place you’re in today? As hard as it may seem to make changes, it’s just as hard – and as painful – to stay where you are.

Don’t let the deceitful feeling of “comfort” with where you are stop you from having a truly fulfilling life. You have the right to accomplish your objectives and goals.

And remember, you are not alone …

Related Links:
A Fresh Look at Goals for Parents, Kids and the Family
A Fresh Look at Goals for Parents, Kids and the Family – Part 2
Goals and Emotions
Life is Like a Cup of Coffee
Smart Goals


A Quote from Buddha on Taking Action in Life

“I do not believe in a fate that falls on men however they act; but I do believe in a fate that falls on them unless they act.”

Many of my long-time readers may know that back in January of 2008, I posed the question: Was Buddha a Schmuck for leaving his family to find enlightenment? Aside from what I believe to be a poor parenting decision, Buddha’s contribution to our spiritual lives has been immense.

Here, he’s asking if we’re taking the actions we need to in order to create the life we really want. Are we teahing our kids to do the same? Or are we playing it safe, waiting until “tomorrow,” to take action where it’s needed?

Our future is contingent on the actions we take today. Whether we realize it or not, our children are watching us closely. What are they learning?

And remember, you are not alone …

Click here for more famous quotes.