Thoughts, feelings and occasional advice on being a real dad in the real world.
Unexpected.
Causing uncontrollable sobbing on my part.
The feeling of living in multiple worlds that sometimes clash or collide and cause these severe emotions because these worlds are so DIFFERENT.
Nothing like we desired or expected. And yet it IS.
So how do we best deal? Move forward and see if there’s a way to improve things? Or accept it (at least for now) because it might never change.
Monday, November 4 @ 7pm CT
Have you ever thought about how to talk with your kids about war and conflict?
It’s a delicate topic that many parents aren’t comfortable breeching. Our first guest, Niki Walker, has written a book called Why Do We Fight, which focuses on helping our kids understand, and think critically, about conflict and war in the world. She’ll be sharing some of her insights on healthy ways to discuss this sensitive subject.
Our second guest, Dr. Mark Brady, Ph.D. will talk with us about conflict and discord within our own homes. We’ll be focusing on conflict between siblings, spouses, parents and their kids — as well as how negative forms of discipline can play a role in children’s perception of conflict resolution.
I hope you’ll tune in on Monday, November 4 at 7pm CT for the Daddy Brain Radio show on the WORT access hour.
Local Listeners Tune in to 89.9 FM
Listen from anywhere in the world by going to WORT Radio’s Home Page and clicking on the “Listen Live” button in the upper right hand corner.
Want to Join the Conversation? I’ll be taking calls throughout the hour at: (608) 256-2001.
And remember, you are not alone …
You might be wondering, what’s the significance of a girl’s T-shirt in a post about the loss of a child? Or in our case, the loss of two children.
For me and my wife it represents our two girls — Skye and Sheila.
And every time I walk into my local Target I’m reminded of them.
Typically, I enter the store through the same doors, the one that leads past the women’s section into the girls’ department. I always look at what’s on display to see what I think my girls would like.
Some may think this is inflicting pain unnecessarily onto myself. But it’s not. It’s a way for me to honor my girls, and even though it hurts it’s important for me to REMEMBER them and acknowledge their existence.
Before we had our two boys, Max and Joss, we had two ectopic pregnancies — the second of which almost killed my wife. These were our girls.
Whether you’re a mom or a dad, if you’ve experienced an ectopic pregnancy, it’s OK to talk about it. It’s OK to hurt. There are more of us in mourning that you realize.
In reality, it’s not something we’ll ever heal from — the pain is something we cope with.
And remember, you are not alone …
WHERE
Meriter Hospital
2650 Novation Parkway
Madison, WI 53713
WHEN
10–11:30 a.m.
TOPICS INCLUDE
– Dad’s emotional life
– Transition into fatherhood
– Co-parenting
– Positive and negative forms of discipline
– Maintaining a healthy relationship with your partner
– Intimacy issues
– Coping with exhaustion
– Bonding with baby
– Second-class parent syndrome
– Goals for dad, kids and the family
– Maintaining a balance, as best as possible
– Supporting mom and and asking for support
For more info, or to register, please visit Meriter Hospital’s website.
And remember, you are not alone …
Exhaustion.It’s something that haunts my existence constantly these days. And if you’re a fellow parent, chances are you feel the same.
The question is, how are we coping with our exhaustion? Are we treating our kids and our spouse in a way we’re happy with? Or are we constantly crabby, finding it hard not to be set off by the smallest thing.
When it takes just about every ounce of focus for us to accomplish just what needs to be done today, how do we find the time and energy to work on improving our family’s future?
I’ve become accustomed to feeling exhaustion. It’s the new normal. Problem is, I don’t see any relief in sight.
But that doesn’t mean I’m giving up.
What I’ve found is that if I continue to work on what I call my foundational balance – which consists of exercise, sleep, eating well, some form of meditation, and having an occasional date with my wife – I’m still exhausted, but my temperament is far more positive.
I’m the first tot admit that when I don’t work on my foundational balance, I’m no fun to be around.
What about you?
And remember, you are not alone …
Every child has his or her own personality.
But how do we discern what parts are genetic, as opposed to learned?
Both my boys are awesome kids, but my older son has had a growing tendency towards whining and complaining.
Condemning him for acting this way would be a bad choice. But allowing it go on unchecked would be just as bad.
What it comes down to is that whining and complaining are habits my son has developed to cope with certain situations. And the more we use habits – just like a muscle – the stronger they get.
My job is to call him on his behavior, AND to help him find alternative behaviors that are more positive.
If we allow our kids to whine and complain, back out of commitments, be rude to their siblings, etc, we’re creating adults who are likely to do the same. In other words, we’re disabling them. The trick is to help our kids without making them feel bad about themselves.
Not an easy task.
Which is why when we’re trying to engineer better kids, we have to start by re-engineering ourselves.
And remember, you are not alone …
It can stir up strong emotions and memories for many of us. Some good, some bad.
Join me for the Father’s Day Edition of the Daddy Brain Radio Show on Monday, June 18th, 2012 @ 7pm CDT.
You can listen in from anywhere in the world! See details below.
The Topic?
How the way we’ve been treated by our dads has shaped who we are today – for better or for worse. We’ll also take a look at how our relationship with our dads has shaped the way we treat our own kids.
It’s true that Father’s Day is an opportunity to honor our dads, but it can also be a time to reflect on our own lives – who we are, who we want to be, and if we’re affecting our kids’ lives in positive ways.
I hope you’ll tune in on Monday, June 18th at 7pm CDTfor the Daddy Brain Radio show on the WORT access hour.
Local Listeners
Tune in to 89.9 FM
Listen from Anywhere in the World
Just click on the following link to download live online streaming audio in either MP3 or AAC format. It’s as easy as clicking a button to start listening!
http://www.wort-fm.org/listen.php
Want to Join the Conversation?
I’ll be taking calls throughout the hour at: (608) 256-2001.
And remember, you are not alone …
Daddy Brain is honored to be one of the guest writers over at Life of Dad.
My latest article, Are Your an Unemployed Dad?, is live if you’d like to check it out.
While you’re there, be sure to sign up for Life of Dad. It’s an excellent resource.
And remember, you are not alone …
There are times where I find myself harping on what I’ve lost in life instead of what I have, or what I’ve gained.
The loss of a job, a loved one, or one’s own health can make it difficult for us to move forward with our lives. It can often feel that we’ve lost the ability to smile.
On the one hand, I don’t want to ignore how I’m feeling. But I also don’t want to dwell on the past. I have a future to create, and my family is depending on me to succeed.
In order to counter my feelings of loss, I’ve started being very conscious of how I perceive my curent situation. I’ve been looking for the positive, instead of lingering on what’s lacking.
Every morning I smile, grateful that my wife is next to me, and that my two boys are healthy. I’ve started realizing how lucky we all are, and that although I have experienced loss in my life, every day we all wake up is a good day.
Each of us are creating our tomorrows. And what we focus our attention on has a way of manifesting as our reality.
If we’re focusing on loss, than we’re perpetuating more of the same. And in doing so, we’re losing time to make a difference in our future by dwelling on the past.
I for one am tired of this. How about you?
And remember, you are not alone …
Are you a mom or dad looking for support in the Madison, Wisconsin area?
Madison Mammas is a great local resource for parents – bringing you information on groups, classes, activities and more.
A place for modern families with young children in the Madison, Wisconsin area, Madison Mamas was created by Rachel Barnes, “the mother of two and wife of one who lives in the beautiful city of Madison, Wisconsin. Madison Mamas is a resource of links dedicated to modern families, focusing on pregnancy, support groups, classes, activities, fitness, services, dining and shopping.”
By the way, don’t let the name Madison Mamas fool you. You’ll find support for the whole family here in a well organized, easy to use format.
And remember, you are not alone …
Daddy Brain 