Thoughts, feelings and occasional advice on being a real dad in the real world.
Unexpected.
Causing uncontrollable sobbing on my part.
The feeling of living in multiple worlds that sometimes clash or collide and cause these severe emotions because these worlds are so DIFFERENT.
Nothing like we desired or expected. And yet it IS.
So how do we best deal? Move forward and see if there’s a way to improve things? Or accept it (at least for now) because it might never change.
Yesterday, when I was at the ice cream shop with my boys, I noticed a couple on an afternoon date. They were in their 80’s — yet were sitting together like newlyweds.
It was beautiful.
It made me think of my wife, who’s currently out of town at a conference. I look forward to doing that with her when we’re in our 80’s. I look forward to the gift of every day we have together.
I hope you enjoyed this bleet!®
As a native New Yorker, September 11th is something I think about every day — even 10 years later.
All the lives lost. All the families shattered.
And it’s still happening. There are innocent people dying right now because of war and terrorism.
I wonder if our world will ever evolve beyond this into a place of peace. Even with all our technical advancement, greed and short sightedness (not to mention hatred) have kept us in the dark ages.
I’d like to take a moment to send peace and healing to all the families who have lost loved ones. May we honor them by living our lives to the fullest, being grateful for our families and by spreading peace wherever we can.
And remember, you are not alone …
When was the last time you went on a date with your wife?
Did your conversation include talking about the kids, the bills or some other type of responsible discussion?
If so, then there’s a good chance you’ve lost the romance in what’s supposed to be the most romantic relationship in your life. I’ve never been overly romantic, but compared to how I was when I was dating my wonderful wife, I’ve slipped even further away from my romantic side.
Do I still love my wife? Of course. Do I sill find her sexy, interesting and attractive? Indeed I do.
But if I don’t take the time to be romantic with her, there’s a chance the connection we have will wither away. In other words, I can’t let stress, exhaustion, work, caring for my kids, my speaking career, mowing the lawn and all the other stuff in my life get in the way of keeping the romance alive in my marriage.
I have a friend who recently got divorced. Last time I saw her, she told me that the marriage ended because her and her husband had simply become friends. There was no fire left, no spark. If we don’t procure the romance in our marriage it might just disappear forever.
It’s time to begin the romance challenge. First up, making a date, and learning how to actually treat it like a date.
Who’s with me?
And remember, you are not alone …
I found a great article on marriage that I’d like to share with you. It was written by my fellow speaker and friend, Jason Kotecki, who is the co-creator Escape Adulthood, along with his wife Kim. They have a fantastic program that helps cure people of “adultitis.”
Here’s the link to the article: The Hidden Secret Ingredient to a Great Marriage.
I hope you enjoy it!
And remember, you are not alone …
Over the past few weeks, teachers and parents across America have banded together to keep collective bargaining alive so that teachers have a voice in their own future.
But what about dads?
Did you know that in Wisconsin there was a bill called the Equal Placement Draft that was proposed during this same time period? The bill proposed that dads who were willing and able to take care of their children 50% of the time should be able to do so. Overshadowed by the the issue over teachers’ collective bargaining rights, also an important issue, the bill got lost in the shuffle and was not passed.
How did we arrive here? How is it that our government does NOT find it overwhelmingly just and fair that a dad who is WILLING AND ABLE to take care of his kids should be allowed to do so?
Yet thousands of dads are sitting home right now without their children. I can assure you that some of them are in tears over it. These dads work hard, and they deserve to be an equal parent to their kids – yet they are not allowed to do so.
Who wins? Not the kids. Not their dads. I’m sure that there are moms who are happy to have their kids around most of the time. That’s only natural. But is this arrangement benefiting the child when dad is a man of integrity that mom just doesn’t get along with anymore?
Our schools and our communities aren’t winners when they have to deal with children that have behavior problems because there is no male role model to guide them.
Taking a long term view, who wins?
It looks to me like the courts are the only winners, because it’s far more simple to give dads 4 days a month to see their kids (just over 10% visitation) and 100% of the child support than it is to give a couple who are disgruntled with each other a settlement that is fair to the CHILD. It’s a classic case of dad being treated like a second-class parent, and it is shameful.
When a marriage does not work out, that doesn’t mean that bitterness and negative feelings should overtake a parent’s responsibility to put their child’s welfare at the top of their list of important things. This is true whether the parent is a man or a woman. Yet the courts have conditioned the process to strip dads and children of their rights.
There was an amazing response by teachers and parents, alike, when it was proposed that collective bargaining be taken away. But here’s my question:
Where were the dads and dad advocates?
Why was downtown Madison, WI, devoid of people shouting for dads’ rights? Are divorced dads so defeated that they believe they don’t deserve to be heard?
And remember, you are not alone …
Remember to kiss your sweetheart on Valentine’s Day.
And don’t forget to take a minute to think about how different your life would be if he/she wasn’t there for you. This is a great way to appreciate them, which is not always easy to do when we get caught up in the daily routine of life and survival.
Beyond money, beyond possessions, stress and pain – there is something that truly does make life worth living. Love.
Our mate is the person who gives us the love and support we need to carry on. No matter how big a problem may seem, having my wife by my side to solve it is one of the greatest gifts I can ask for.
And remember, you are not alone …
Today is September 11th, 2010.
It’s a day to remember all of those who lost their lives nine years ago in the Twin Towers. And to pray for the families and friends that have survived, who struggle.
No matter what you’re stressed about, or what’s wrong in your life – you are alive and you can change it.
The best way we can honor those who have passed, as well as the people closest to us, is to fulfill our potential.
Start now.
Peace to all.
And remember, you are not alone …
Related posts:
9/11 Remembered (2008)
Have you ever thought about the similarities between life and coffee?
Some people have good cups, some great – while others have a cup that’s bitter, full of yucky grains, or has simply gotten cold.
You could say the same about our lives.
In my experience as a dad and a man, I’ve found that many people think that they’re stuck with whatever cup they’ve been poured. Not true.
We all have the ability to empty out our cup, clean it, and start fresh with a better blend.
Stepping away from the metaphorical and toward the practical, what I’m really talking about is rebuilding our lives. Whether it’s changing jobs, going back to school, improving our health – whatever – there are steps we can take to go from bitter to better.
What about when others try to throw stuff in our coffee?
Sometimes it’s people we can easily avoid, like coworkers or acquaintances that are negative. But sometimes its family, and that’s a situation which becomes much harder to solve.
My youngest son has been throwing stuff in my coffee by waking up every night crying. This has been going on for longer than I can remember.
He’s obviously not trying to throw junk in my coffee – yet in it goes. Since I love him with all my heart, I want to help him, but this is making my waking hours incredibly difficult. From work, to exercise, to growing my speaking career – it’s simply much harder to move forward toward my goals because I’m exhausted.
Even in this case, there is a choice. If I let the circumstances dictate who I am, then I’m simply reacting to my environment and I am lost. If I remain true to who I am as best I can – as a dad, a husband, a writer and a speaker – then at least I’m not throwing more junk in my own coffee. It may not be perfect (yet), but this choice is certainly the better blend.
And remember, you are not alone …
Daddy Brain 