Category: parenting

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Healthy Food Tip #3: Many Top Food Brands Don’t Care About Your Family’s Health

In Healthy Food Tip #2: The Perils of Partially Hydrogenated Oils & Other Bad Food Ingredients (wow, that’s a long title), I spoke about the negative health effects of partially hydrogenated oils (PHO’s). With more and more people checking for this ingredient on product packaging, many companies have taken to changing the name to mono-and diglycerides (MAD). Don’t be fooled, it’s the same thing — trans fats.

Shame on every one of these companies for keeping this harmful garbage as an ingredient. It’s banned in Europe, why not here? Shame on the FDA for allowing companies to use the PHO’s, and for allowing them to change the name and claim that there’s no trans fats in their products! We’ve trusted these companies we’ve trusted for years.

You might be surprised at some of the names I’m about to mention. Especially the ones that target our children as customers. I’ve highlighted some of the brands known to use the term mono-and diglycerides:

– Kellogg’s: Pop Tarts and most of their cereals
– General Mills, as well as most other cereals
– Thomas’ English Muffins & Bagels
– ALL Pillsbury products
– Practically ALL non-organic breads, bagels, rolls (including hamburger & hot dog). This includes brands like Arnold, Brownberry, Sarah Lee and every other non-organic brand I have found on my supermarket shelf
– Hershey’s Chocolate Syrup
– Redi-wip Real Whipped Cream: Made with real cream and real PHO’s. They claim 0 grams of trans fats, but one of the ingredients are mono-and diglycerides — how can this be legal?
– Practically ALL frozen & non-frozen pies, cakes, waffles, pancakes
– Many, many frozen foods that use oil as an ingredient us PHO’s
– Ritz, Town House, Wheat Thins, along with practically every other cracker & cookie in the snack aisle
– Shake and Bake
– Uncle Ben’s Rice
– Duncan Hines

And the list goes on. Basically, you’ve got to check everything you buy unless it’s organic. The acronyms I’ve created should make it easier for you to get started. If the label says partially hydrogenated oil (PHO) or mono-and diglycerides (MAD), put it back on the shelf. Tell your friends.

Stores like Whole Foods, or grocery stores with an organic section will provide you with just about anything you could imagine, without the junk. Yes it costs more, but aren’t our kids worth it? Plus, spending a little more money now may save us thousands in medical bills later.

One final thought: Which of these companies (if any) will step up and do what’s right? Who has the ability to look beyond short-term profits?

Maybe someone should mention to the executives that it might even be PROFITABLE to take this junk out of their food. Think of the advertising…

“Buy Kellogg’s Pop Tarts  — we’ve stopped trying to kill you and your children!”

And remember, you are not alone…

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Stop Yelling Daddy! (Part 2)

In Part 1 of this series, I shared my thoughts & feelings (including guilt) about yelling at my children. Yelling has always seemed like an inferior way to handle a situation with my boys, unless they are in immediate danger.

Now, author Mark Brady, Ph.D., reveals that yelling at our kids goes way beyond parental guilt and hurt feelings. In his book, A Father’s Book of Listening: Essential Practices for Truly Loving Our Children, he explains that yelling can cause long-term emotional damage, and it can negatively affect brain development.

“If you’re a parent who attempts to control, reprimand, discipline or get your kids’ attention by screaming at them, psychologist Sarah Radcliff suggests this is a negative parenting pattern that you don’t want to continue. Whether you know it or not, whether you believe it or not, research shows that screaming parents cause their children considerable harm.

A study in a 2001 Journal of American Psychiatry agrees: emotional abuse was more predictive of mental illness than either physical or sexual abuse!”

This came as a shock to me. But this next part is just plain scary…

“Screaming at children significantly impairs their brain development. Dr. Allan Shore, at the UCLA Neuropsychiatric Institute, explains that a number of times, all through development, children’s brains undergo massive pruning — as much as 50% of the brain’s 200 billion neurons. And which brain structures ultimately receive the bulk of that pruning has great impact on development.

If you scream at your children, you repeatedly activate structures in the limbic system like the amygdala and the hippocampus — structures that regulate “flight or fight” reactions. Repeated activation tells the brain that the environment is not safe, thus a maximum amount of interconnecting neurons in these areas must remain intact.

Because pruning has to happen, neurons will be pruned from structures like the frontal cortex where higher-order functions tend to be regulated. Thus, screaming at your kids works to impair their intellectual and emotional development…”

This information has helped me be more mindful about yelling at my boys. It seems the stakes are much higher than I thought. It is difficult though. Realistically, I know that sometimes I’m going to raise my voice. Like most parents I’m exhausted, overworked and stressed — in other words, I’m out of balance.

But for my kids’ sake, I need to keep my cool when I’m feeling bombarded by whining, tantrums, harping, freaking out, destructive behavior and other nasty things that healthy 2 & 4-year olds have a tendency to do. I’m not saying to let the kids rule the home. I’m just suggesting that there are other ways to deal with them. Ways that don’t involve long-term damage.

And remember, you are not alone…

Related posts:
How to Retrain the Reactive Brain, Part 1

How to Retrain the Reactive Brain, Part 2

An Interview with Mark Brady: Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3

Equal Rights for Kids. Part 2: Don’t Hit!


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Daddy Brain On The Radio

Daddy Brain is scheduled to be a guest on At Issue With Ben Merens, 
a daily radio show on Wisconsin Public Radio.

When: Thursday, July 24th, 2008
Time: 5 pm (CST)
Where: Wisconsin Public Radio, The Ideas Network

At Issue with Ben Merens, is an hour-long talk show that is “dedicated to current events and hard news, includes expert guests, policy-makers, commentators, and authors.” 

The show gives listeners the opportunity to call in, be heard, and be part of the conversation. Just dial (800) 486-8655.

You can listen to the show live from anywhere in the world with online streaming audio. Click here to hear it through iTunes, Windows Media Player or RealPlayer.

You can also listen on any of the following Wisconsin radio stations:

– WHA-AM 970 Madison
– WERN-FM 88.7 Madison
– KUWS-FM 91.3 Superior
– WHRM-FM 90.9 Wausau
– WHAD-FM 90.7 Delafield/Milwaukee
– WPNE-FM 89.3 Green Bay
– WLSU-FM 88.9 La Crosse

I hope you get a chance to tune in. Feel free to call and talk with us! Please spread the word.

And remember, you are not alone…

Related links:
Ben Merens Web Site: Author, Speaker and Communications Professional
Talk Radio Should be Forum, Not Soapbox, by Ben Merens

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The Fear of Losing My Wife

I am a lucky man.

I have a beautiful wife who has stood by me since 1991. Through good and bad, we have always found a way to work out whatever issues have been present in our lives. She is my best friend, and my greatest supporter.

When I met my wife, Kara, she was physically healthy and active. An actor and a swimmer, she was (and still is) pretty damn hot and sexy. Out of a long list of college dudes that courted her hand, she chose me. I’m sure it had something to do with the fact that she saw me in my underwear during a play I was in, but that’s another story. And they say men are pigs…

You may be wondering, “what’s this guy’s point? So what if his wife is hot?”

I’m not writing this to brag. I’m writing about this to share, and ask for help with one of the greatest challenges we’ve ever faced — restoring Kara’s health.

Kara has diabetes. After two pregnancies, what was gestational diabetes had become type 2 diabetes. She’s also having her gallbladder removed in a few weeks. Overall, she feels pretty lousy most of the time.

I’m scared.

There’s an old saying: “what we fear, we create.” Even though I know this, it’s becoming increasingly difficult to let go of my fear of losing her.

So I might as well face it.

As some of you already know, we’re 800 miles away from family and friends. This makes it impossible to get the support we need. We have two small boys that we love, but my wife is worn out when I get home after an 11-hour workday. Exercise is the key in overcoming the diabetes. But exercise is the last thing on Kara’s mind when I walk through the door.

But wait. As I sit here writing, I’m realizing something. I am part of the problem. I’m partially responsible for the dilemma. Why? Because when I get home I want to be with my kids. And although I have every right to do so (after being away from them all day), this puts the pressure on Kara to cook dinner. So how is she to exercise, then?

Holy cow. I’m feeling pretty stupid and selfish right now.

I understand my part in this is limited to support. I can’t do this for her, but then again I’m not supposed to. This is her journey. I’m just the co-pilot. But I do have a say in the outcome and I’m grateful for the insight I just attained. Most of the time I’m so caught up in missing my kids and being exhausted that I don’t see much else.

I never realized until just now that I was NOT actually doing everything possible to help.

Shit. I’m glad it’s not too late. 

I ask and thank the Universe for help.

And remember, you are not alone…

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Tops in Pops: The Best Daddy Blog Posts of June

Tops in Pops: The Best Daddy Blog Posts of June 2008
 

I am proud to present some of the very best daddy blog posts out there. Every month, this ongoing blog carnival will spotlight extraordinary dads — finding out what’s on their minds, and in their hearts. I hope you enjoy this month’s selection, and I look forward to your comments.

And now, the best of June…

Premature Baby – An Emotional Journey by Discovering Dad, posted at Discovering Dad
Nominated by Chris @ Dad of Divas, who states: “I have been amazed at the story Jeremy weaves about the early birth of his new baby daughter who was a premie, and has had close calls with death and numerous medical issues. Jeremy captivates his readers leaving us wanting more and more and only hoping for the best for little Caitlin.”

How To Survive A Manssage, posted at BUILDING CAMELOT
A humorous retelling of a couples massage gone awry, when Tyler from Building Camelot makes the supreme sacrifice for his pregnant wife – receiving a manssage from a therapist named Bruno.

If I Had My Child to Raise Over Again, posted at Clif’s Notes
Clif’s Notes shares a powerful reminder to us about being in the moment with our kids, instead of trying to control it.

The Dance, posted at paulpetersonlive.com
In addition to being a dad, Paul is also a pastor. This brief post gives insight to his passion for life, God and his dedication to family.

Since When Are Dads Not Important? Posted at Dad’s House
A divorced dad struggles to keep himself involved and informed about what’s going on in his son’s life. From school field trips to doctor’s visits, he seems to be the forgotten parent – constantly left out of the loop.

First Time Parent, posted at Harrowed Parent
John is a new dad, and a new blogger. The post he submitted is a detailed look into the first few weeks of fatherhood. Great for dads who still have that new car smell. Albeit masked by “projectile vomit.”

Dads are not second-class parents, posted at Daddy Brain
This was my first Daddy Brain post. Still one of my favorites, it covers some of the issues modern day dads face – including how we feel about being away from our kids all day, and the rampant misconception that our job as a parent is limited to depositing the sperm and the weekly paycheck.

That’s it for this month. If you’ve read an awesome daddy blog post, or written one yourself, here’s your chance to shine (or help a fellow daddy blogger shine) by submitting a post you feel is “Tops in Pops,” for next month’s blog carnival.

Submit using this carnival submission form. Past posts and future hosts can be found on our blog carnival index page.

Link to more information about Tops in Pops:
Tops in Pops: Best Daddy Blog Posts of the Month

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Who’s Nurturing Your Heart?

Just yesterday morning, my son Max asked me to draw him a smiley face heart. I was running late for work (as usual) and had forgotten. On my way out, I told him I’d
e-mail him one. This wonderful drawing is what I found.

Later, I asked Max what he thought about the drawing. He said, “it makes me think about you.” His response made me realize that in an energetic & spiritual way, I am holding all of my family’s hearts in my hands — and they are holding mine. Even when I’m 45 miles away at work there is a connection, a tugging, and yes a nurturing.

It is so beautiful that our children nurture our hearts, as we do theirs. I think sometimes we get so caught up in taking care of them, we lose sight of the moments when they take care of us.

What a huge responsibility this is. And what a joy.

Beneath all of the junk that goes on every day — the tantrums, exhaustion, cooking, cleaning, work, errands and the seemingly ever-present stress over money… beneath it all is this incredible lifeline.

A few hours after I had these thoughts, I was graced with the arrival of two complimentary books from Mark Brady, Ph.D. I’ll be giving both books (and Mark) the attention they deserve in an upcoming post. But first I’d like to share something that caught my eye within seconds of opening his book, A Little Book of Parenting Skills.

There’s a mini chapter called, Make Your Kids “Heart Smart,” that states the following:
“The heart is the most powerful organ in the body, generating a magnetic field 5000 times stronger than any other organ. The brain’s power pales by comparison. Brugh Joy, a medical doctor and wisdom teacher, has written that whether we know it or not, all hearts continually exchange energy and information with other hearts.”

The mini-chapter goes on to discuss more well known attributes of the heart like, “listening and responding to our children with compassion and concern.”

Mark’s books arriving at that moment goes far beyond coincidence. It was a synergistic moment in time where a simple picture e-mailed to my son manifested into a very deep insight.

Who’s nurturing your heart? I hope that you have many people that are doing so. Be mindful of the nurturing. Give it freely, and accept it with gratitude.

And remember, you are not alone…

You can find many of Mark’s books, including this one, through Amazon.com, Paideia Press (414-828-6275, paideia@gmail.com), or many fine online book retailers.

As for the art created by AJ, I’m still looking for the source of where this came from. I’d like to give the artist credit.

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Time: The Slippery, Fleeting Thing That Doesn’t Really Exist

I recently read two posts about the issue of time over at Dad of Divas (see links below). It’s a topic I think about often — how I’m spending my time, and how most of it is spent away from my family.

What is time?
We’re told it’s a man-made concept, that it doesn’t really exist. Yet there never seems to be enough of it. And whether or not it’s “real,” there are certain pressures, constraints and sacrifices inherent in the time paradigm.

My definition of time has a pretty bleak side. Time is life. And as we grind out the days and weeks away from our families (albeit in order to support them), there is something irreplaceable being sacrificed. Time with our kids. At the park. At music class. As they grow up. One day they’ll be adults, and we won’t be able to catch up with what we’ve lost.

Monday through Friday, like many moms and dads, my time is spent away from my family — away from my kids — at work. That’s 10.5 hours per day, 52.5 hours per week, 2,572.5 hours per year (I’ve deducted 3 weeks vacation). And I know parents who have it worse — working 12+ hours per day, and weekends too!

When I’m home with my boys, I’m usually so exhausted that it’s a struggle to be present and pleasant. There’s not enough time in the day for me to get enough rest. So I’m left feeling like a vampire has sucked the blood (and the life force) out of me, leaving me in a semi-zombie state. Does this sound like you? I doubt I’m alone.

I’m sorry to say I do not have a cure-all answer for this dilemma that so many of us face. What I do know is this — we can’t give up. We need to trust in the Universe and do our part to find a solution. Pray. Play the lottery. Make the best of our time with our kids (as hard as that may seem). Do whatever you have to do to avoid giving up. If you give up, all is lost. If you keep the faith, anything is possible.

If I did have a cure-all answer for the issue of time, it would look a lot like this:

I would clone myself into 5 people.

#1 Sleeps all day
#2 Spends all day with the kids
#3 Makes love with my wife all day
#4 Works all day
#5 Blogs about the other four

I think this would work out pretty well.

And remember, you are not alone…

Dad of Divas links:
Maniverse #5: Time in a Bottle
Blogging: Pastime or Addiction

 

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Have You Checked Out the Manival Yet?

This blog carnival is a fantastic journey into the minds of men. If you haven’t checked it out yet, here’s your chance to catch up.

Created by The Art of Manliness, it brings together some of the finest, most diverse blog posts I have ever seen. I hope you enjoy them…

Manival #9 @ Night Writer

Manival #8 @ Spark Plugging

Manival #7 @ Simple Marriage

Manival #6 @ Building Camelot

Manival # 5 @ The Care & Feeding of Man

Manival # 4 @ The Art of Manliness

Manival # 3 @ Shaefer’s Blog

Manival # 2 @ A Good Husband

Manival # 1 @ The Art on Manliness

And remember, you are not alone…

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The Health Benefits of Cake

Yes, you read that right — there are health benefits to cake. At least I think so. Here’s why…

Imagine for a moment that everything bad you’ve heard about cake is true. The refined sugar, the bleached flower and hydrogenated oil… bad for you.

But what about the positive chemicals your body releases when you experience the joy of cake? Not to mention the mental health benefits caused by the enjoyment of a tasty, fresh, heavily frosted piece of your favorite variety.

I think there’s a kernal of truth in my daddypothosis.

As I’ve admitted before, I’m not a scientist. And I’m OK with that. But I do know (first hand) that the daily grind, often devoid of joy, takes a major toll on us.

Study after study tells us what’s bad for us. Don’t eat refined foods, don’t breathe, don’t use plastic, don’t ingest one million gallons of anything — not even water (there are prescription drugs in there you know).

But who has done a study on the BENEFITS of cake? Or the benefits of anything enjoyable for that matter.

The point is that joy has great power. What we believe has a direct effect on what becomes reality. 

I’d like to see a study of people who do everything as healthy as possible, with one slight catch. Take all the joy out of their lives. My guess is that the lack of joy will crush any benefits of organic anything.

So, go ahead, eat that piece of cake. Enjoy it. It just might save your life.

And remember, you are not alone…

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Every Day is Father’s Day

All the playing, meals, sleep-interrupted nights, sheer-and-utter exhaustion, frustration, triumphs, failures, fears, anxieties, hopes, dreams, depression, lack of control, joy, happiness, honor of being a parent, unconditional love, driving, cleaning, colds, more cleaning, bills, tripping over toys, buying more toys, poop, boogers, hugs, kisses, conversation, questions, silence, surprises, naps, even more poop, tantrums (from the boys AND me), regrettable raised voices, lost tempers, peace, lack of peace, reading, running, art, trips to Toys R Us…

All of this and more. Every moment is worth it. Every second. It’s all a precious gift from the Universe — a gift from my boys and my wife.

And no matter how bad something may seem, underneath it all I am the luckiest man on Earth.

Thank you boys, for being my sons. Thank you girls, for watching over us. And thank you Kara, my wife, for our family.

When I really think about it, every day is Father’s Day.

And remember, you are not alone…