Category: spirituality

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Multi-channel Daddy Brain Events in March

March is shaping up to be a very positive month for Daddy Brain, with three modern-day-dad events!

If you’re a dad please feel free to join me — in person or on the radio waves. And please spread the word…

March 12, 2009
Fulfilling the Promise Conference: supporting and educating parents
3 pm, Kalahari Resorts, Wisconsin Dells, WI
No Father is an Island Workshop. I will be speaking with professionals who work directly with dads and families. Topics include issues I wrote about in Dads are Not Second-class Parents, and how they relate to dads in different family, professional and economic situations. This was also a topic I discussed on At Issue With Ben Merens, on Wisconsin Public Radio. Click here for access to all three shows that Daddy Brain appeared on.

March 16, 2009
The Daddy Brain Radio Show
7 pm, Central Time, WORT Radio
I’ll be taking calls on the air about issues relating to modern day dads. Feel free to call in! You can listen to this show on your computer with live streaming audio by adding it to your iTunes, Windows Media Player, VLC or Winamp. Just click here and download the station to the format of your choice. If you’re local to Wisconsin you can also listen on 89.9 FM. 

March 19, 2009
The Daddy Brain Dads’ Group
7:30 pm, The Madison Public Library, Sequoya Branch, Madison, WI
A place for modern-day dads to talk about what’s on our minds, in our hearts and what we struggle with as parents. Whether you’re a working dad, a stay-at-home-dad, or somewhere in-between — this is your chance to be heard.

Join our monthly meetings the third Thursday of every month @ The Madison Public Library, Sequoya Branch, 4340 Tokay Blvd, Madison, WI. Our first meeting will be Thursday, March 19th from 7:30-8:45 pm. To reserve your seat, or for more info, contact Joey at joeyguido@juno.com.

And remember, you are not alone…

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Do Your Kids Know What Goals Are?

Do your kids know what a goal is? Or do they think it’s what occurs when somebody scores in soccer?

Recently, I’ve been listening to a motivational/inspirational speaker named Zig Ziglar. Zig has an amazing audio book called Goals, which I highly recommend.

Listening to the CD’s, I got to thinking about my boys. Have I been teaching them about goals?

For some reason, probably because they’re both so bright, I assumed they already knew what a goal was.

When I asked them about it and got the, “it’s when somebody scores in soccer dad” response, I realized that I had not been teaching them — at least not in a direct way. We work on goals all the time, but I had never given them the language to understand what it was we were doing.

They needed a kid-friendly definition of the word and the concept. And they needed it now so that goal setting (and attainment) could become a core value and a way of life.

Although I’ve been “setting goals” for many years, until recently I have not written them down or defined them clearly — so they were always in a cloudy, “gaseous” state. Since they were not clearly defined, I didn’t have a tangible idea of how I would attain them, which made it impossible to fully commit to them. I just figured they’d manifest eventually if I did a little something for them here and there.

In other words, I didn’t really know how to set a goal. I was never taught.

Without a plan with realistic steps in it, I found that my “a little here and there,” was nowhere to be found. Without a clear intention there is no real goal to work towards. Just a lofty idea. As Zig would say, I was a “wandering generality,” and I needed to become a “meaningful specific.” He goes on to mention that even Howard Hill, the greatest archer in the world could not hit a bulls-eye while blindfolded. “How on earth could anybody hit a target they couldn’t see? …How can you hit a target (goal) you do not have?”

So, what’s the best way to teach these values to our children? Live them ourselves.

I do my best to start each day by asking myself: “what great thing am I going to do today?” This puts me in a good frame of mind to be proactive.

I’ve also started asking myself the following:

– Do I have milestone goals for my kids? To teach them how to ride a bike, be able to read or understand an appropriate level of spirituality by a certain age?

– Do I help my kids set “high-reaching” goals, teaching them to reach high for themselves in the process?

– Am I helping my kids set their own goals, and giving them the space to attain them? Am I supporting them (when necessary) through the process so they can come out of it having completed the goal — developing the values of integrity and perseverance?

I want to make sure that my boys know even if it’s hard, in this family we don’t give up. If this is important to you, you can get it done. I believe in you.

And remember, you are not alone…

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Daddy Brain Classics: Was Buddha a Schmuck?

I’ve been thinking about having a Daddy Brain Classics series for a while now.

Some of the posts I wrote way back in the beginning of Daddy Brain didn’t get too many hits, because not too many people knew the blog existed. Although I always want to provide fresh material, a few of these classic posts deserve a larger audience. So I’m finally jumping off the fence and giving this series a try.

Today I’d like to present one of my favorites — a post that questions Buddha’s decision to abandon his family in order to find enlightenment…

Was Buddha a Schmuck?

And remember, you are not alone…

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Dads are Not Second-class Parents, Part 4: Dads Need Help Too

This is a video I came across on Twitter. It’s made by a “dude” named Hugh Weber. Although he’s still awaiting the birth of his child, that hasn’t stopped him from beginning the transition “from dude to dad.” His powerful message is a perfect fit with this series…

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You can find Hugh on Twitter, or visit his page @ vimeo.com

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Want to share your own Second-class Parent story? Submit it as a comment and I’ll be happy to highlight you on my blog. Click the widget on the right-side tool bar (near the top) for more info.

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And remember, you are not alone…

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Additional Dads are Not Second-class Parents Articles:
– Part 1
– Part 2: And Then There’s Dad
– Part 3: A Divorced Dad’s Perspective
– Part 5: Perceptions & Paradigms
– A Question for Dads: Have You Been Treated Like a Second-class Parent?
– Where’s the Dad in Toy Story?

Family Blogs
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Can You Let Go of Wanting Security/Survival? The Sedona Method, Part 5

The Sedona Method is a powerful & easy-to use program that helped me learn to let go of negative thoughts, emotions and behaviors that were holding me back in every aspect of my life — from health, to career, to relationships.

If this is your first look at the series, you might want to check out Part 1 for an overview before you get started.

Part 2 focuses on letting go of resistance
Part 3 is about letting go of the need for control
Part 4 introduces how to let go of wanting approval

This installment focuses on letting go of wanting security/survival.

Wanting Security/Survival
“When we want security, we feel like we don’t have security. We approach life as though it’s a battle for survival. We see everyone, at least on a subtle level, as an enemy.

We may often feel and react to even the smallest changes or decisions as if our lives are threatened. We may avoid taking risks, even if that means giving up success. We may avoid confrontation, even if it’s necessary. We may walk around expecting the next disaster.

You can recognize wanting security, because it may include a sense of being threatened, uneasy, in danger, on guard, or impending doom. In the extreme, it’s a paralyzing fear – we feel like we’re about to die. We also feel like we’ll do anything to get it back.

Synonyms for wanting security include wanting safety, to survive, to get revenge, to protect ourselves and others, to attack, to defend, to kill, and to be safe, to name a few.

As we let go of wanting security, we feel safer, more secure and at home wherever we are without feeling like we have to achieve safety at other’s expenses.”

— Hale Dwoskin, CEO and Director of Training of Sedona Training Associates

Lester Levenson, the creator of The Sedona Method, had this to say about how fear affects us: “Fear, and it will appear.” These words do more than rhyme. They contain a truth about how we manifest our reality. The more we keep a fear in mind, the more we attract it.

There’s another saying, “What we fear, we create,” which is a slightly different way of looking at it. Have you heard of the law of attraction? It states the same thing. The more we focus on something, positive or negative, the better chance it has of becoming reality. For more on this, you can read The Road to Nowhere: It’s not too late to recreate your reality.

So let’s get started with letting go of the need for security/survival.

This exercise, taken directly from The Sedona Method course, will give you an idea of what it’s like to let go. You may find it hard to do, or you may find it easy. Either way, it’s OK just the way it is. Remember this is only one “slice” of the program. There’s much, much more to it than I am able to explain here.

And remember, it’s OK to take each step as slowly as you need to…

Take a deep breath and focus inside.

Think of a situation where you felt the need for security or survival.

Could you welcome the feeling for a moment? Let it fully be here.

Could you let it go?

I find that taking a deep breath and exhaling while I let go is helpful. If you repeat this process a few times, I think you’ll find that at least some of your need for security/survival has dissipated (if it hasn’t already).

Remember, this is only a small part of what the Sedona Method has to offer. If you explore the course further this will all make a lot more sense.

If you’d like to learn more, or try the CD program risk free, click here. You can also purchase the Sedona Method book, available at Amazon.com and fine bookstores everywhere.

And remember, you are not alone…

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The Four H’s of Self Destruction: Have You Fallen Into The Trap?

I’m tired. All the time. And I’m ashamed of myself that I have not been able to overcome it. Quite simply, I have not been accomplishing what I’d like to in my life — specifically when it comes to my blog and the “bigger” plans I have for it.

People struggle with so much more than I do on a daily basis. I feel like a weakling, a 40-year old dude from NY who can’t get his shit together. I’m doing my best, but it never feels good enough.

I’m dedicated to my kids and my wife. They come first, and that’s how I like it. But somewhere along the way I have lost my balance. Being dedicated to my family should not mean sacrificing all of oneself. But in my mind, in a twisted subconcious way, it seems I have done just that — sacrificed my professional happiness in order to be a better dad and husband.

But nobody asked me to.

I just feel there’s just not enough time in the day to get it all done (or so it appears at first glance). And after working long hours 5-days a week, how can I take more time away from my family?

The result is a crabby, edgy, non-satisfied dad who feels unfulfilled in the career department. Since I have no plans of putting my kids or wife anywhere but in the number one position, I need to find another way to make time for myself. Time where I have enough energy and cognitive process to work on Fulfilling Career Stuff (FCS).

Although the term does sound a bit funny, I think just about any parent can understand where I’m coming from.

So I took a closer look at my situation, how I spend my time.

I realized (for the umpteenth time) that there is a small window of opportunity after the kids go the bed for me to be productive and work on my FCS. About 2 hours before I pass out (only to wake up with keyboard face).

So why do I play Internet poker instead of working on my blog, my idea for a TV show or my book? Why aren’t I working MORE on making Daddy Brain a bigger deal, one that can potentially support my family? This is what I THINK & SAY my goal is, so why aren’t I taking ACTION on it?

When the night rolls around, I WANT A BREAK. But then all day long, I WANT CHANGE. I’m getting stuck in wants, and when that happens I find myself lacking the very things I desire. I’m basically stuck in resistance.

Is part of it self sabotage? Maybe, but it think the problem is more complex than that.

It begins with being exhausted. And when I’m this tired I become captured by the Four H’s of Self Destruction: Hobby becomes Habit becomes Harmful becomes Hated.

Bear with me while I explain because this is a dilemma I think most people struggle with. One that traps us in a particular state of mind that makes us incapeable of accomplishing that which is so important to us.

Hobby
Many of us have hobbies, things that are fun, bring us joy, help us relax and so on. Technically speaking, hobbies are harmless as long as they remain hobbies. But sometimes something happens to these harmless things — they change and become…

Habit
Let’s take my Internet poker playing as an example. At one point playing Internet poker was just a hobby. But somewhere along the way it became a coping mechanism. It became something that, as the day wore on, I would feel more and more of a compulsion to do.

Don’t worry, I’ve made money and I’m not broke from it. But it has robbed more hours from my life than I can count. Just an hour or two a night, but the hours add up. Put together, these same hours could have resulted in a book, dozens of blog posts or a spec script for the TV show I’m developing. It could have also been dedicated to some extra sleep which would keep me in a better state of mind (making it easier to avoid the Four H’s of Self Destruction).

Another example: a casual drinker who has two or three beers a week. This turns to a six pack a week. Then multiple beers a night until this casual drinker (hobby) has a drinking problem (habit). It could be any hobby that mercilessly grasps you — sex, drugs, TV, reading, puzzles, exercise, naps, crosswords… the list is endless.

Harmful
Now your little hobby has turned into a monster. It negatively affects your life, your relationships, your work — whatever. And since it’s no longer a hobby, but a habit, it is very difficult to stop.

Hated
Sometimes we hate the habit, sometimes we hate ourselves for having the habit. Often, people just feel unhappy and unfulfilled and don’t allow themselves to go any further. Let’s face it: turning a hobby into a habit is a great way to hinder ourselves. For many it is a path to self destruction.

In the following weeks, I plan on diving deeper into each of the for H’s. I hope you’ll stick around to read them, and more importantly to share your opinion so we can all become happier, more fulfilled human beings.

A clear indication of whether I’m figuring this out or not will be the amount of blog posts I am able to complete. And the amount of poker I am able to avoid.

And remember, you are not alone…

Related links:
The Four H’s of Self Destruction: When Hobby Becomes Habit
 

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Give Your Kids One of the Greatest Gifts of All: Their Own Voice

This holiday season, many of us are facing tough economic times. With little or no “spending” money for holiday gifts, what’s a dad (or mom) to do?

Fortunately, you can give your kids one of the greatest gifts of all. It doesn’t cost a dime, but it lasts a lifetime. And its positive effects are immeasurable.

You don’t even have to wait for Christmas! You can give this gift on a daily basis (hopefully many of you already do)…

Give your kids one of the greatest gifts in the world: their own voice.

No, I’m not talking about a lovely singing voice. I’m talking about something far more important. Every time our kids’ share a thought, opinion or feeling with us, it’s a moment filled with potential — the potential to support their voice or to undermine it. If we’re able listen, we show them respect — acknowledging that what they say (and who they are) is important.

This gift is as simple (and as difficult) as taking the time to really listen to what our children have to say. They might be telling us something that seems completely trivial, insignificant and unimportant. But it’s important to them. If we disregard what they’re expressing to us as unimportant (either verbally or non-verbally), what are we really saying to them? The situation becomes ripe for feelings of rejection and disapproval.

This is not to say that we always need to agree with our kids. It means that we need to hear them out. Not when they reach a certain age, but now.

I firmly believe that honoring our children as human beings is one of the major ways we can help them fulfill their potential in life. I do not want my boys to become “cookie-cutter kids” that fall onto the conveyor belt of life. My job is to support, nurture & love them for who they truly are, and do my part in giving them the tools to discover just who that really is.

Just because someone’s little, doesn’t mean his or her opinion is any less significant than ours. We all deserve the right to be heard. Kids deserve the same basic human rights as us.

Like it or not, we are the ones who play the largest part (at least while they’re little) in bestowing these rights upon them. In doing so we’re shaping our kids’ sense of self worth & self esteem. We are responsible for making sure they don’t grow up to be directionless, opinionless lost adults who are always seeking approval from others because they lack it for themselves.

If we teach them to believe in themselves now, empower our little buggers and let them know they are worthwhile people, I’m hoping this will make them more resilient to the unyielding grind of life. Hey, maybe it won’t even feel like a grind if we do our job right.

Our children are superstars. It’s our business to help them shine.

And remember, you are not alone…

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Today is My Birthday

Today, December 20th, is indeed my birthday.

I am now 40.

I am a lucky man. I receive the greatest gift of all every single day of the year — the gift of my family.

I am so grateful for my boys, my wife and yes my cat, too. Thank you Universe for this gift.

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My goal this year (and for decades to come) is to live in appreciation.

Thanks to all my readers for making this past year of blogging such a success. It has truly changed my life.

And remember, you are not alone…

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Join Daddy Brain on the Radio!

Join me today @ 5pm (CST) on Wisconsin Public Radio, for an hour-long discussion on giving your kids one of the greatest gifts of all. It doesn’t cost a dime, but it lasts a lifetime. What is it? Their own voice. 

You can listen in from anywhere in the world by clicking here and adding Wisconsin Public Radio’s Ideas Network to your iTunes, Windows Media Player or RealPlayer. It takes about 30 seconds to download the station. Then, just double click the icon on your desktop to automatically add to your playlist.

The show gives listeners opportunity to call in, be heard and be part of the conversation. Just dial (800) 486-8655.

If you’re local to Wisconsin, you can also listen in on any of the following stations:

– WHA-AM 970 Madison
– WERN-FM 88.7 Madison
– KUWS-FM 91.3 Superior
– WHRM-FM 90.9 Wausau
– WHAD-FM 90.7 Delafield/Milwaukee
– WPNE-FM 89.3 Green Bay
– WLSU-FM 88.9 La Crosse

I hope you get a chance to tune in!

And remember, you are not alone…