Who is Jeff Sawyer, you ask?
He’s a talented writer with a great sense of humor. And he’s funny, too. Jeff and his wife have two girls in college, so he’ll be working for the rest of his life to help pay off their student loans. He works as a creative director for a large catalog company in the mid west. And he has a blog called, Sawyer Speaks: short original humor, which probably keeps him sane.
One of Jeff’s short stories, Mountain Boomer, was recently published in the book, Humor for a Boomer’s Heart: Stories, Quips & Quotes to Lift the Heart.
Here’s an excerpt:
“We boomer consumers are a demographic that marketers pursue as relentlessly as ushers chasing a bat during a sermon. We’re sufficiently Web-savvy to analyze their product offerings more thoroughly than any topic of any research paper we ever wrote in college, and affluent enough to more or less afford what we eventually settle on.
Accidental scrutiny of my own physique one morning in my forties (“What is a mirror doing in a bathroom, honey?) led me to purchase a serious rowing machine. I had actually used it, three times a week for years, until a herniated disk left me frozen in the rowing position. Walk around the office with a posture of a Slinky going downstairs, and people are going to think you’re feeling overburdened. Which maybe you are – and the solution to that, they’ll tell you, is exercise…”
I caught up with Jeff (which wasn’t hard with that herniated disk and poor posture) and he was kind enough to answer a few questions about comedy…
Jeff, can you share the best joke you’ve ever heard or written?
My financial plan.
Or this one, for David Letterman, early 90’s:
Michael Jackson has just married Lisa-Marie Presley. If Elvis was dead, he’d be turning over in his grave.
How about the worst?
Any joke that starts with the word “Knock.”
Why have you chosen comedy as your form of communication? Why not another genre?
All the other forms were taken by Republicans. They left us with laughing and weeping. I choose laughing.
Who is the funniest comedian on earth? Why?
Whoever buys material from me. I think Eddie Izzard is brilliant. Andy Rooney kills.
Who is the least funny comedian on earth? Explain their success.
Any comedian who relies on use of the F-word to be funny. That’s right, “Fabio.” Beyond that, I don’t have an attorney, so I don’t want to get sued. Especially if I inherited $500 million.
If you inherited $500 million dollars tomorrow, what would you do with your life?
The real question is, what would I do with yours?
I would first ask my sisters when our parents had died, because they were doing ok when I called home this week. And where did they hide this profound wealth all those years?
I might give it all to Oprah, just to shock her. Put it all in an envelope, and say, “Look under your chair, Oprah!” Then we’d have a great time together over lunch, which neither of us would eat because our comfort waist pants are already stretched out like the steel belts in a radial tire lab test.
$500 million would also afford me the ability to pay my Wisconsin property taxes in 2 easy payments instead of 4. That would be convenient.
I would start a hedge fund involving actual hedges, beautifying America one yard at a time.
And remember, you are not alone…