Tag: self help

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A Fresh Look at Goals: for Parents, Kids & the Family (Part 2)

In Part 1 of this series, I wrote about methods that help us define and develop goals.

Once you’ve clarified what they are, the next step is breaking each goal into down into manageable steps, so we can set out with a plan on how to accomplish them. This plan may need frequent adjusting. This is not only OK, but a healthy part of the process.

As we move along and things clarify, we sometimes find that part of a plan simply does not work. This is NOT to be considered failure, it is a mini-success because with the adjustment in our plan we align ourselves more closely with the end goal.

Ultimately, if we take steps on a daily basis (no matter how small) we can attain our goals. It’s important to remember that we may not reach our goals on the intended date. Some things are out of our control. And if you’re a parent, lack of time and energy are real obstacles that may hinder rapid accomplishment. Fear not, it’s still possible, as long as you become crystal clear about what you want and how you’re going to get it.

The good news is that if we do this ourselves, we wind up teaching our kids how to do it, too. It’s a winning situation for everybody.

Here’s snapshot of what my mentor, Zig Ziglar, says about the goals process. His fantastic book, See You At The Top, goes into great detail about this subject (see a full list of recommendations at the end of this article).

1)     Identify EXACTLY what I desire
2)     Spell out exactly why I’d like to reach these goals
3)     List the obstacles I need to overcome in order to get there
4)     Identify the people, groups and organizations I need to work with to get there
5)     Identify what I need to know (learn) in order to reach these goals
6)     Develop a plan of action
7)     Set a date on it. When do I expect to get there?

One additional thought. If this all seems overwhelming, that’s normal. You can’t possibly answer all of these questions all at once. If you’re just starting the process, you may not be able to answer any. But if you allow yourself to believe that you can do this, you will. If you believe that you can’t, you won’t. In other words, your perception will create your reality.

SPEAKING OF KIDS
It’s never too soon to help our kids learn to set their own goals. By this I do not mean us setting goals for them, that’s different (and also necessary).

For instance, my son Max is in kindergarten. I shouldn’t expect him to be able to answer the following: “So, what are your plans to get to college?”

But I can help him set some goals for the coming school year. Any extra-curricular activities he might want to partake in (ie: swimming or track and field…) I also like to discuss future goals with both him – from career to family plans. I do this with my 3-year old, too. It helps my boys develop their frontal lobe, which is so important in decision making and problem solving.

There are too many young adults that have not idea how to set a goal, or what to do with their lives.

OUR GOALS
I’d like to take a deeper look at the kindergarten to college analogy. ANYBODY who tried to look at this scenario as a point A to point B endeavor would be completely overwhelmed. Here’s a way it can be broken down:

Kindergarten (where I’m at) to College (the goal)
the step-by-step approach to accomplishing my goal:

– Section it off by grammar school, middle school, high school and college.
– Now break it down by grade (year): kindergarten, grade 1, etc.
– By semester
– By month
– By week
– By day
– By class

You get the idea. Each step leads us to the ultimate goal, but it’s much easier to build upon if you start from the “by class” goal. Now it’s manageable – a small enough bite that you can actually chew on it, instead of choke on it.

FAMILY GOALS
Family goals could be anything from spending more time together, taking a family vacation, helping each other get in shape, fixing up the house, etc…

Sometimes an individual’s goal becomes a family goal. For instance, my son Max wants to be a NASCAR driver.

This is his goal. But since he’s only 5, it’s my job (and my wife’s job) to help him attain it – making it a family goal.

My first step is bringing him to a kart race to gauge his interest level. Once he sees exactly what kids’ kart racing entails (this actually exists for kids his age), what does he think?

My responsibility is to help both boys set goals that are realistic and attainable (but not necessarily easy). I can’t expect Max to drive a full-sized car right now, but there are karts he can drive, or he can play a driving game on the Playstation, etc…

If we make goal setting a way of life for ourselves and our kids, we can all expect more fulfilling and less frustrating lives.

Is it easy? NO.

Have I accomplished everything? Hardly.

Is it worth it? Absolutely.

It’s a long road, but the sooner we get on the better off we’ll be.

And remember, you are not alone…

For further reading & listening:

Zig Ziglar
– See You at The Top (Highly reccomended book)
– Goals (audio CD’s)

Jack Canfield
The Success Principles (also available on audio CD)

Brian Tracy

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Can You Let Go of Wanting Security/Survival? The Sedona Method, Part 5

The Sedona Method is a powerful & easy-to use program that helped me learn to let go of negative thoughts, emotions and behaviors that were holding me back in every aspect of my life — from health, to career, to relationships.

If this is your first look at the series, you might want to check out Part 1 for an overview before you get started.

Part 2 focuses on letting go of resistance
Part 3 is about letting go of the need for control
Part 4 introduces how to let go of wanting approval

This installment focuses on letting go of wanting security/survival.

Wanting Security/Survival
“When we want security, we feel like we don’t have security. We approach life as though it’s a battle for survival. We see everyone, at least on a subtle level, as an enemy.

We may often feel and react to even the smallest changes or decisions as if our lives are threatened. We may avoid taking risks, even if that means giving up success. We may avoid confrontation, even if it’s necessary. We may walk around expecting the next disaster.

You can recognize wanting security, because it may include a sense of being threatened, uneasy, in danger, on guard, or impending doom. In the extreme, it’s a paralyzing fear – we feel like we’re about to die. We also feel like we’ll do anything to get it back.

Synonyms for wanting security include wanting safety, to survive, to get revenge, to protect ourselves and others, to attack, to defend, to kill, and to be safe, to name a few.

As we let go of wanting security, we feel safer, more secure and at home wherever we are without feeling like we have to achieve safety at other’s expenses.”

— Hale Dwoskin, CEO and Director of Training of Sedona Training Associates

Lester Levenson, the creator of The Sedona Method, had this to say about how fear affects us: “Fear, and it will appear.” These words do more than rhyme. They contain a truth about how we manifest our reality. The more we keep a fear in mind, the more we attract it.

There’s another saying, “What we fear, we create,” which is a slightly different way of looking at it. Have you heard of the law of attraction? It states the same thing. The more we focus on something, positive or negative, the better chance it has of becoming reality. For more on this, you can read The Road to Nowhere: It’s not too late to recreate your reality.

So let’s get started with letting go of the need for security/survival.

This exercise, taken directly from The Sedona Method course, will give you an idea of what it’s like to let go. You may find it hard to do, or you may find it easy. Either way, it’s OK just the way it is. Remember this is only one “slice” of the program. There’s much, much more to it than I am able to explain here.

And remember, it’s OK to take each step as slowly as you need to…

Take a deep breath and focus inside.

Think of a situation where you felt the need for security or survival.

Could you welcome the feeling for a moment? Let it fully be here.

Could you let it go?

I find that taking a deep breath and exhaling while I let go is helpful. If you repeat this process a few times, I think you’ll find that at least some of your need for security/survival has dissipated (if it hasn’t already).

Remember, this is only a small part of what the Sedona Method has to offer. If you explore the course further this will all make a lot more sense.

If you’d like to learn more, or try the CD program risk free, click here. You can also purchase the Sedona Method book, available at Amazon.com and fine bookstores everywhere.

And remember, you are not alone…

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Can You Let Go of Wanting Approval? The Sedona Method, Part 4

The Sedona Method is a powerful & easy-to use program that helped me learn to let go of negative thoughts, emotions and behaviors that were holding me back in every aspect of my life — from health, to career, to relationships.

If this is your first look at the series, you might want to check out Part 1 for an overview before you get started. Part 2 focuses on letting go of resistance, while Part 3 is about letting go of the need for control.

This installment takes a look at our need for approval.

Wanting Approval
Have you ever felt the need for approval? From your boss, a loved one, or yourself? Have you ever experienced an instance where there was something you really wanted to accomplish, big or small, but felt you were inadequate to get it done?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, then you’ve experienced the need for approval. When we’re wanting approval, we’re actually feeling disapproval of ourselves — feeling we’re not good enough, not ready, not qualified, not smart enough, not talented enough, and the list goes on…

When we’re seeking approval, there’s an underlying feeling of lacking it. When this happens, “we act in ways designed to help us get it, while all the time sabotaging actually getting it. We are focused on ourselves, and we feel self-conscious.

We become overly concerned with what people think of us. We may say “yes” when we mean “no.” We may allow others to give us the runaround or control us in order to get them to like us. We may take on too much responsibility or not delegate tasks, because we think it will make us more popular.

You can recognize wanting approval, because it feels soft and exposed and also like: “gimme,” or “do-it-for-me.” When we want approval, we feel like we don’t have love and that we need to do something to get it back. Synonyms for wanting approval include wanting love, acceptance, admiration, caring, to be understood, nurtured, liked, among others.

As we let go of wanting approval, we will feel more loving and caring, more loved and accepted.”

— Hale Dwoskin,
CEO and Director of Training of Sedona Training Associates

Lately, I’ve been working on letting go of my need for approval concerning Daddy Brain. I have many plans for this blog — from a book, to workshops with dads, to a film or TV show. But I have been struggling with feelings of inadequacy that have been holding me back — literally stopping me from attaining that which is within my reach.

Here’s an exercise that will give you an idea of what it’s like to let go of the need for approval. You may find it hard to do, or you may find it easy. Either way, it’s OK just the way it is. Remember this is only one “slice” of the program. There’s much, much more to it than I am able to explain here.

And remember, it’s OK to take each step as slowly as you need to…

Take a deep breath and focus inside.

Think of a situation where you wanted approval from a specific person or from yourself.

Could you welcome that sense of wanting approval, just for a moment?

Notice what it feels like to want approval.

Could you let it go?

If you repeat this process a few times, I think you’ll find that at least some of your need for approval has been lifted (if it hasn’t already). Remember, this is only a small part of what the Sedona Method has to offer.

The next installment will focus on letting go of wanting security/survival. In the meantime if you’d like to learn more, or try the CD program risk free, click here. You can also purchase the Sedona Method book, available at Amazon.com and fine bookstores everywhere.

And remember, you are not alone…

Related Links:
Part 5 looks at letting go of the need for security/survival

Family Blogs
blog

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The Sedona Method: Your Key to Happiness, Success, Peace & Emotional Well-being

“I have been exposed to many self-improvement techniques and processes. This one stands head and shoulders above the rest for its ease of use, its profound impact, and the speed with which it produces results.

The Sedona Method is a vastly accelerated way of letting go of feelings like anger, frustration, jealousy, anxiety, stress and fear, as well as many other problems — even physical pain — with which almost everybody struggles at one time or another.”

— Jack Canfield, co-creator of the Chicken Soup for the Soul books

In my life, I have usually found that when something appears too good to be true, it turns out to be something that was too good to be true. This is NOT the case with the Sedona Method. It is an easy to use program that delivers what it promises — wonderful, life-changing results.

In this first part of this series, I’d like to present an overview of some fundamentals of the course:

– Letting go of resistance

– Letting go of the need for control

– Letting go of the need for approval

– Letting go of the need for security/survival

The current version of the course includes many other facets as well. But these core elements are what helped empower me to: heal from Crohn’s Disease, quit an incredibly toxic job, drastically lower my anxiety level, rid myself of obsessive compulsive thoughts, behaviors, anger issues, debilitating fear and stress — to name a few.

I was able to do this by learning to let go of the negative thoughts, emotions and behaviors that I was holding on to. The process is so simple, anybody can do it. All you need is a sincere desire to find a better way to live.

Hale Dwoskin, CEO and Director of Training of The Sedona Method asks: “Have you ever held on to an emotion even though there was nothing you could do to satisfy it, make it right, or change the situation that appeared to cause it?

Have you ever held on to tension or anxiety even after the initial event that triggered it was long over? This is the form of holding on that we will explore throughout this course.

What is the opposite of holding on? Well, letting go, of course…”

Part 2 of this series focuses on letting go of resistance, and includes a practical exercise to help you release it. In the meantime if you’d like to learn more, or try the CD program risk free, click here. To check out the book on Amazon, click here.

And remember, you are not alone…

Related links:
Part 2 focuses on letting go of resistance
Part 3 is about letting go of the need for control
Part 4 introduces how to let go of wanting approval
Part 5 looks at letting go of the need for security/survival