Who is Tim Bete, you ask?
He’s a dad who’s fascinated with pirates, parenting and making people laugh. He’s written two books: Guide to Pirate Parenting, and In the Beginning, there Were No Diapers: Laughing and Learning in the First Years of Fatherhood.
Tim also has a Web site called Where I Live. It currently features an article on how losing control of the TV remote (in the hospital) is the most painful part of labor (for men).
I convinced Tim to answer some questions in-between raiding pirate ships and changing dirty diapers. He typed up a response rather quickly for a guy with metal hooks for hands…
Why have you chosen comedy as your form of communication? Why not another genre?
I don’t think we choose our genres, I think we’re born with them. Some people just have brains wired for humor. The wiring of most humor writers is faulty and wouldn’t get an okay from a housing inspector without a large bribe. Besides, who wants to write other genres? There are too many New-age, Young-adult, Vampire Romance novels.
What’s the deal with pirates? Why a whole book exclusively about pirate parenting?
You’re just jealous you didn’t think of it first. There are many good reasons to raise your kids as pirates. Here are five:
* Give a man a ﬁsh and you feed him for a day. Teach him to be a pirate, and he’ll steal other people’s ﬁsh for a lifetime.
* Divvying up booty is good quality time with the kids.
* When other parents hear you’re raising your children as pirates, they’ll stop asking you to volunteer at school.
* It’s fun to watch the emergency room doctor’s reaction when you say your son was injured during “a little mishap boarding a merchant vessel that refused to surrender.”
* Replacing “family movie night” with “family terrorizing the neighbors with cannons night” is a wonderful change of pace.
Who is he funniest comedian on earth? Why?
Oh, sure, limit the question to the EARTH. You are so narrow minded. The funniest person in the universe is Smilken Fdrwesoret who lives on the planet Flipulus. He’s hysterical! And he does a dead-on impersonation of Intergalactic President Quirtdew Clixzasl.
Who is the least funny comedian on earth? Explain their success.
John Candy, although technically I think he’s IN the earth now, not ON it. I can’t explain his success. I never thought he was funny. He’s certainly no Smilken Fdrwesoret.
If you inherited $500 million dollars tomorrow, what would you do with your life?
Funny you should ask because that just happened to me yesterday. Unfortunately it’s all gone now. But it was a GREAT 24 hours. Be careful how often you shout, “Let it ride!”
Can you share the best joke you’ve ever heard or written?
One of my favorite jokes is from the “three guys walk into a bar” genre. It goes like this:
A baby seal walks into a club.
One of my favorite jokes that I’ve written is this:
Q: How can you tell if your child has great potential to be a pirate?
A: When mom’s water broke, your baby yelled, “I sail with the tide!”
How about the worst?
You mean liver wurst? (That was the worst joke I’ve ever heard OR written.)
I hope you enjoyed the second installment of Funny Dad Week. To learn more about Tim Bete, visit the barge on your local docks, or check out his Web site. If you’re interested in reading more about his pirate book, click here Matey!
And remember, you are not alone…
Funny Dad Week: Say Hello to Jeff Sawyer, He’s Funny!