Work is Not a Four-Letter Word

Well actually it is, but not in the way you think.

Until recently, when I thought of work it had a negative connotation.

I think many people perceive work as unpleasant, dreadful or boring – not to mention life-draining. But work is not a negative or an expletive. Nor is it innately bad.

It’s the ruts and the patterns we allow ourselves to fall into that are negative.

I started to become aware of my own negative perception of the word when I began working from home back in January. As I build my speaking career and freelance writing business, I block off certain times of the day to “work.” I soon noticed that I had a problem with the word. All sorts of negative connotations were attached to it – most of them including feelings of pain, suffering and misery.

I tried to re-name work, to help create a more positive perception in my mind. The best I could come up with was “Personal Achievement,” which only reminded me that I was trying to avoid the word work. In other words, re-naming work didn’t work.

Point being, if we find our work pleasant, fulfilling and it helps us move toward goal achievement (other than just making money), it’s certainly going to feel and be positive. If our work does not provide us with these things, we need to take a fresh look at our goals, and do our best to get back on track to the life we want.

In my “four letter word” series, my goal is to change the perception some of us may have about certain words. In doing so, I hope that we can create a shift in perception that leads to a shift toward a more happy, fulfilling life.

Words have power because of the meaning we imbed within them.

And remember, you are not alone …

Daddy Brain Speaks

When I began blogging in 2007, I had no idea that it would affect my life in so many positive ways. It is an honor to have had the opportunity to speak about modern-day dad issues on the radio, at conferences and in print. The greatest honor of all has been helping dads.

Somewhere along the way, I discovered my goal of becoming a speaker. I am happy to say that this dream has come true.

Through research, ongoing studies, personal experience and partnering with experts, I have developed workshops and seminars that help dads, students and professionals lead happier, more fulfilling lives.

If you’d like learn more about what I do, please visit Joey Guido Speaks, or give me a call @ 608-216-6760.

And remember, you are not alone …


Acting with Kindness & Patience isn’t Always Easy …

The other day I got to thinking about how I’d like to treat my family vs. how I actually treat them. I found a disparity between the two, and realized I have some work to do if I want to give my wife and boys more of the following:

– Respect
– Love
– Understanding
– Wisdom
– Knowledge
– Belief in themselves
– Nurturing
– A feeling of being protected
– A feeling of being cared for
– Financial comfort

I share these thoughts with you because in the face of exhaustion and stress, it’s sometimes easy to lose sight of what’s most important in our lives. Taking a moment to be mindful about how we treat our family can help us refocus.

The result? A happier, healthier personal (not to mention professional) life.

And remember, you are not alone …

Embrace Your Freedom (or Happy 4th of July)


July 4th, 2010

This morning, I got to thinking about the freedom we have in our country.

Unlike with communism or a dictatorship, where there is less choice, Americans have the freedom to create and live the life of their dreams.

But there’s a problem.

Although America offers people freedom, many people shackle themselves within the belief of limitation – that they are either not worthy or not capable of fulfilling their personal legend. Even though they’re given freedom, they accept tyranny. And they are their own tyrant.

Even though I’m a motivational speaker and I believe that anything is possible, I sometimes fall into the trap of limitation. It’s an ugly trap that tries to push away the things we want, and make us believe that the attainable is out of reach. On this 4th of July I wanted implore you to listen to your heart, not the lie of limitation, and follow your dreams. If you don’t know what they are, click here to figure them out.

Remember, at one time America was the little guy, while Britain was a powerful country. Odds were that we were going to lose. Yet we still won our freedom, the very freedom you hold in your hands today.

What will you do with yours?

Even if you feel like an underdog, you have the power and the right to live your dreams.

And remember, you are not alone …

Where’s the Dad in Toy Story? (Part of the Dads Are Not Second-class Parents Series)

Since the recent DVD release of Toy Story 3, many people are raising the question:

Where’s the dad in Toy Story 3? Or in Toy Story 1 and 2 for that matter?

Over the summer my family and I went to see the latest installment of the series. As always, Pixar did a great job with the film – except for one thing:

Dad was not represented in the film. Not even a mention.

It’s the same issue I had with the first two installments of the trilogy, and it taps into a much larger problem where dads are treated as second-class parents.

At first glance it may seem trivial, but what kind of message are we sending to the children who are watching this film? Not to mention the negative impact of countless TV shows, ads and commercials where dad is either not present, or portrayed as a negative stereotype (breadwinner, dope, moron, insert your most detested dad stereotype here, etc).

This type of miss is especially surprising to me from Pixar, who usually pays close attention to the details (which is part of what makes them great filmmakers).

When a boy (in this case Andy) is leaving home for college, why in the world wouldn’t dad be there to wish him well, help him load up the car and hug him goodbye? This perpetuates an archaic perception of dad as the non-present half of the parenting team. Even if Andy’s parents were divorced, any respectable dad would have at least called his son on the phone.

These days, this is not only an unfair representation, it’s also a horrible example for children to grow up with. And let’s not forget poor mom who’s expected to do everything! I for one find it offensive and insulting. What do you think?

And remember, you are not alone …

Additional Dads are Not Second-class Parents Articles:
– Part 1
Part 2: And Then There’s Dad
Part 3: A Divorced Dad’s Perspective
Part 4: Dads Need Help Too
A Question for Dads: Have You Been Treated Like a Second-class Parent?
(share your story)
– Part 5: Perceptions & Paradigms

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The Daddy Brain Workshop Series

The Daddy Brain Workshop in Madison, WI

Three 1-hour sessions focusing on issues that concern dads:

DAD’S EMOTIONAL LIFE
Wednesday, May 12th from 6-7 pm
Traditionally, dads have not been encouraged to talk about their emotions. But feelings like frustration, inadequacy, stress, sadness & fear need to be addressed, not suppressed.

DISCIPLINE
Thursday, May 20th from 6-7 pm
Positive and negative forms of discipline are discussed, as well as how we treat our kids on a daily basis (beyond discipline). Brain development is also touched upon.

GOALS FOR DADS, KIDS AND THE FAMILY
Thursday, June 3rd from 6-7 pm
How to define, set and attain goals – even in the face of obstacles like exhaustion, negative emotions, lack of time and stress.

All workshops are @ The Madison Public Library, Sequoya Branch. 4340 Tokay Blvd, Room A. To reserve your seat, or for more info, call Joey @ 608-216-6760, or e-mail daddybrain@live.com.

Have a group that would benefit from these workshops? I offer 1-day sessions and can travel to your town – wherever that might be. Feel free to e-mail or call me to discuss.

And remember, you are not alone …

Where Have You Been Daddy Brain? Time Management and the 80/20 Principle

You may have noticed that the frequency of my postings has dropped from 2-3 per week to about once per month. It’s not that I don’t have anything to talk about. Far from it. But recently things have changed pretty dramatically, and for the past three months I’ve found myself on a journey back to balance.

On January 20th, 2010 I was laid off of my job.

Wait, don’t feel bad. It was actually a great gift. For months leading up to the layoff, I had been wondering how I was going to make the transition from full-time copywriter to the next phase of my life – a combination of professional speaker, book author and freelance copywriter (a crucial ingredient until the former two professions get some momentum).

Believe it or not, I’ve had less time (and less energy) to blog since I was laid off.

Which leads me to an interesting concept I stumbled upon recently in a book called, The 4-Hour Workweek, by Timothy Ferriss. In his chapter “The End of Time Management,” Ferris speaks of Pareto’s Law (also commonly known as the 80/20 Principle), which has vastly changed my life for the better. I’m hoping it can do the same for you …

What is Pareto’s Law?
According to Ferris, it was originally a “mathematical formula he [Pareto] used to demonstrate a grossly uneven but predictable distribution of wealth in society – 80% of the wealth and income was produced  and possessed by 20% of the population.”

But that’s not what I found interesting. The effects of this concept go WAY beyond Pareto’s original intention. It relates to each and every one of our lives – from time management, to what we do with our time to begin with (and who we spend it on).

Ferris goes on to explain, “80% of the outputs result from 20% of the inputs. Alternate ways to phrase this include:

– 80% of the consequences flow from 20% of the causes
– 80% of the results come from 20% of the effort and time”

Since I’m only able to work about a 20-hour work week (1. because that’s all the hours I want to work and; 2. family stuff won’t allow for much more than the 20 hours anyway), I started to examine everything I do in a day. From e-mails, to how I go about procuring work, to what I actually work on – I used a pair of questions Ferris asked to determine what’s effective and what’s been a waste of time.

1) Which 20% of sources are causing 80% of my problems and unhappiness?
2) Which 20% of sources are resulting in 80% of my desired outcomes and happiness?”

Pretty simple. Pretty powerful, too. Some of the things I realized were that my hour-a-day online job search was basically a complete waste of time (although I do love using my Mac) – while referrals, developing my speaking career and contacting literary agents has been manifesting positive results. It’s important to remember that activity (being busy) is not the same as accomplishment.

How about the greatest source of my problems? Me. I’m not kidding. I was getting in my own way by letting stress, anxiety and worry get the best of me – and drain my energy. That had to stop (still working on this).

The good news is that I had some well-developed goals when I got laid off, so my transition had a clear focus from day one (if you’d like some help defining, setting and attaining your goals click here, or search keyword “Goals” in the search box on the right).

The truth is, you don’t need to lose your job to make a transition to a better life. Whether it’s managing your time, or setting goals for a better life, getting started now is the best way to reach your destination.

Picking up Tim’s book is well worth the investment. It’s full of great information, ideas and tools to help you accomplish some short-term goals. And it’s a good read. If nothing else, it will expand your thinking and show you that there are other ways to live (and manage your time). For more on Tim’s book, go to Amazon.com.

And remember, you are not alone …

Life is like a puzzle…with a lot of pieces

A couple of weeks ago I bought a 1,000 piece puzzle for the family to put together. When I looked at all the pieces, scattered on one of our play tables, I realized it was a lot like life. Let me explain…

If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that there’s no one clear answer for anyone. No matter what you’re struggling with or working on, there’s not one sentence, exercise, vitamin, book or coffee blend that will make everything right. There is no instant answer. Instead, each day is like a piece of a huge puzzle.

If we focus on placing one piece in the correct place, each day builds on the previous one — just like a puzzle. If we try to put a 1,000 piece puzzle together in one day what happens? We fall short, get frustrated and perceive our inability to accomplish the goal as failure. The thing is, unless you’re a puzzle genius, there’s no way you can succeed if you try to do the whole thing in one day. Simply put, your goal is too large.

When I started looking at life this way, it greatly simplified things. Each day, I could either place ONE piece correctly, or fail to place it correctly. Since it’s a 1,000 piece puzzle, some things would clarify after only a couple of weeks — while others would take years to take shape. This simple analogy is a great starting point to look at goals. (Click here for more details on this subject, or search keyword “Goals” in the search box on the right).

What am I really talking about here? Perception.

We either see a situation as hopeful or hopeless. If we believe we can accomplish something, we will. Eventually we will find a way. If we don’t believe, then we won’t. Either way, we’ll be right.

How you perceive your life defines whether you become a shining star, or a burnt out porch light.

I realized that if I shift my perception a few things immediately change:
– I use less energy being positive than I do being negative
– If I’m perceiving a situation as positive, then I’m more likely to think, speak and act positive. This draws positive energy to me like a magnet (just as being negative draws negativity to a person)
– It makes things better for the people around me. My positive attitude helps improve their lives. It puts them in a better mood, and I’m more likely to be helpful instead of a hinderance

Have you taken a look at how you perceive things lately? Here’s a link to an article called The 7-day Mental Diet. It can help you eradicate negative thinking, so you can create a better reality for yourself and your family.

And remember, you are not alone…

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Loss and the Erosion of a Human Being

Feelings of loss permeate my existence. They often lie just below the surface of my conciousness, occasionally jumping out like flying fish that pop out of the ocean. Problem is, the feeling does not disappear back into my subconscious. And there are more fish than ever swimming around and popping up inside my head.

Loss seems connected to every facet of my life right now. Each one seems to have eroded a little piece of me. And although I’m working on rebuilding myself (the topic of a future blog post), I’m missing pieces. I’m incomplete, which makes rebuilding all that much harder.

What kind of loss has worn on you? Here’s a brief list of what I’m struggling with on a daily basis:

Loss of energy; loss of time with my boys; loss of our two daughters; Grandma Frances; Grandpa Rick; our families in New York (we’re currently living in Wisconsin); loss of my youth; financial stability; loss of intimacy; loss of the relationship my wife and I had before we had kids (dates, holding hands, long talks about something other than survival, romance). Until recently, I had lost my dream of making the world a better place.

Something I often wonder about is the loss of innocence. I still remember when I lost mine as a child. It happened on four separate occasions – all of which involved my father. Am I contributing to the loss of innocence of my boys?

I feel so burnt out. Every week, a little more so, making the week before somehow seem more bearable. I feel hopeless that I will never accomplish some of my big life goals.

But then I realize: these are only feelings, and they’re based in fear. Fear of more loss, which equates (at least to a degree) fear of failure. These fears are a poor representation of my reality. Whether these negative perceptions become my reality is up to me, because FEAR is really False Evidence Appearing Real. This is an acronym I’ve learned, and it’s true.

But knowing this doesn’t make the fear magically go away. I am afraid of loss, and I’m connecting all of the losses in my life to my current situation, fearing more loss.

I’m having trouble getting things done. Goals that, for the most part, should be easier to accomplish. What makes it worse is that these goals, once accomplished, will put me and my family in a better place.

My wife says I’m being hard on myself. She’s right. But you know what? It’s up to me to do these things. There’s nobody else who’s going to do it for me. My family is depending on me and I feel like I’m failing.

I’m struggling. Why is it so hard to admit that?

Beyond all of the emotion, all the exhaustion and the pain, I realize the biggest loss would occur if I gave up. I refuse to give up, and so should you. As long as we’re breathing we can change our lives, we can help others do the same.

So after this fairly depressing article I have something to ask of each and every one of you:

Please don’t give up.

And remember, you are not alone…

Do You Have Spirituality in Your Life?

It’s been almost two years since Daddy Brain posted its first article.

Way back when, one of my goals was to write blog posts about spirituality. But the only one that resembles a spiritual post has the word schmuck in the title, so I’m guessing there’s more to explore.

Many of the issues I’ve written about – including discipline, yelling, hitting, manifesting reality, and giving kids a voice of their own, have a spiritual component. These articles touch on treating our children, ourselves and others better and living life with integrity. And as difficult as these things may sometimes be to do, they’re even more difficult if we don’t have a spiritual connection.

Don’t worry, I’m not going to try and sell you on any type of religion or spiritual practice. But I do want to ask:

Do you have spirit in your life?

Notice I didn’t say religion, because religion does not automatically include a living, breathing spirituality. Do you feel a connection to Universe, God, Wakan Tanka (Native American), Buddha or some other form of spiritual practice? Have you ever?

These questions are crucial for two reasons:
(1) Being tapped into spirituality reminds us that there’s something (or someone) bigger than us to help us through our lives. In the mayhem of each day, it’s easy to forget that we’re constantly supported. It’s easy for our sprit to get buried. But spirituality helps center and ground us. And if we acknowledge and trust this support – life flows easier and goals are attained more readily.

Don’t get me wrong, we still have to do our part. A great example is the joke about the drowning man. Have you heard it?

There was an old man sitting on his porch watching the rain fall. Pretty soon the water was coming over the porch and into his house.

The old man was still sitting there when a rescue boat came by and the people on board said, “We have to evacuate, you can’t stay here!” The old man replied, “No, God will save me.” So the boat left.

A little while later, the water was up to the second floor when another rescue boat came. Again, the old man was told to evacuate and hop on board. The old man again replied, “God will save me.” So the boat left.

An hour later the water was up to the roof and a helicopter flew over the old man’s house, dropping him a ladder. The pilot yelled down, “grab on and climb up! I’ll get you out of here safely!” Again the old man refused to leave stating that, “God will save me.” The helicopter flew away to save others.

Soon after, the man drowns and goes to heaven. When he sees God he asks him, “Why didn’t you save me?”

God replied, “You dummy! I tried! I sent you two boats and helicopter — what more do you want?”

I’m sure you’ll agree the point is obvious — we simply must take action.

(2) If we do not live with spirit on a daily basis, who will teach our children to? I’ve known people who are not comfortable with formalized religion, so they forgo cultivating a true spiritual life. This was my problem for a very long time.

Living with spirit does not necessarily mean praying on one’s knees every day, going to church, or sitting in the lotus position (if you can get into it) and chanting. But these are options that work for people.

On a practical level, “living with spirit” is being kind to others, helping others, doing what’s right (not what’s convenient), living with integrity and being honest. It’s being mindful and as centered as possible (deep breaths are helpful with this).

Our children are depending on us to teach them these qualities.

And remember, you are not alone…