Category: exhaustion

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Great Gift Ideas: Give Your Kids Your Guts

Alright, I’m not speaking literally about your actual guts. Or am I?

Your kids may not agree with you, but it’s not about the toys you buy.

It’s not about what you do with the kids, how much money you spend or where you go. It’s about the quality of the time you spend together — being present and embracing the gift of each moment — even when it might seem mundane on the surface.

It’s about giving them your love, your attention and your respect.

But it’s more than that — it goes beyond words or individual pieces of yourself. It’s giving them your “guts.” And it takes guts to be open enough to give your guts. To lay it all on the table, so to speak.

Your legacy as a dad, the positive impact you make on your children’s lives, has little to do with things like presents, fancy vacations, the size of your TV and other possessions or “outward” things. These are trivial, they’re just things.

What’s important is who you are as a dad, and the improvements you make within your self along the way — how you “upgrade.”

When all is said and done, when your kids are your age, they might vaguely remember the X-Box 360-Version2-Millennium-Titanium-Edition, and how cool the games were. But if we do it right, they’ll look back and clearly remember that we took more than good care of them. They’ll remember that we empowered them. They’ll realize that some of those times we denied them something (like a toy — NEVER deny hugs or love), or held them responsible for their actions, we actually gave them something far greater in return.

And if we do our job really, really right — they’ll be better (and happier) human beings for it.

And remember, you are not alone…

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New York Times Highlights Moms, Dishonors Dads

In today’s New York Times, there is an article nestled into the bottom half of page one that reads:

“To Buy Children’s Gifts, Mothers Do Without”

The article goes on to describe how moms are making sacrifices this holiday season, and how the mom highlighted in the article “will go without the designer jeans she covets this season.”

What about dads, you might ask? Don’t we count? Don’t we sacrifice?

“In this economy, nearly everyone is forgoing indulgences, and many fathers will no doubt sacrifice this year to put toys under the tree. But figures suggest the burden is falling most heavily on women, particularly mothers…”

Let’s take a look at said statistics: women’s apparel was down 18.2% this October compared to last October, while men’s apparel has only decreased 8.3%. Notice these numbers are generalized to men and women, not moms and dads — so technically they are meaningless…

In a survey, “61% of mothers said they would shop less for themselves this year, compared with 56% of all women and 45% of all men.”

All men? Nowhere in the article is there mention of what percentage of DADS said they would shop less for themselves. Apparently dads have been lumped into the “all men” category.

Once again, nobody bothered to ask dad. Of course it’s not really about the numbers, it’s about the lack of equality and respect dads experience. The fact that the survey taken didn’t bother to include dad’s spending trends is just a cheap way to put “mom” on a pedestal. Honestly, I am sick of dads being treated like second class parents (in case you didn’t notice). 

I can tell you that I don’t buy anything for myself anymore. This year I got myself a new winter hat and a scarf for when I shovel the inevitable & immense amounts of snow that will befall the frozen tundra that is Wisconsin.

More importantly, what about the dads & moms who go to work every day, sacrificing time away from their kids? What about the hours upon hours that we miss, that we can never reclaim? I’m sorry, but not being able to buy a pair of “designer jeans” doesn’t come close to what I sacrifice EVERY DAY as a working parent.

Not to mention the parents that sacrifice eating meals so there’s enough food for the kids. And what about the families who can’t even feed their kids three meals a day?

The article quotes the featured mom, Kristen Hunt, as saying “I want her (Kristen’s daughter) to look back and say, ‘even though they were tough times, my mom was still able to give me stuff.'”

What kind of message is this? On the cover of the NY Times no less?

Is giving kids “stuff” really what we want them to remember?

I would prefer that when my kids look back, they remember my spending as much time with them as I possibly could. The gift of my time, my attention and my listening to (and respecting) my children is what is most important — not an X-Box 360 or a Wii that will eventually become a dust collector.

Sure, my wife and I got the kids some “stuff” for Christmas. But it’s not the important stuff, or the stuff of fond memories — its just stuff.

During the holiday season, it certainly is timely to run an article on finances and spending, especially with what our world looks like right now. But if you’re the New York Times, get it right. Do your research and provide appropriate survey numbers for both parents, not just for the ones who don’t have a penis.

The real story here is not about money or toys. It’s about how these tough economic times are the perfect opportunity for parents to share the greatest gift of all with our kids — ourselves. 

And remember, you are not alone…

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Daddy Brain Needs Freelance Copywriting Work

My wife was laid off today because the spa she worked at (she’s a massage therapist) closed down. Just like that — no notice, no severance, not even an apology.

So I’m reaching out to my readers, looking for any leads or recommendations for freelance copywriting work (I currently work full time as a senior copywriter at a major catalog company). I need freelance work on nights and weekends so I can help my family through this.

If you happen to need, or know somebody that needs a copywriter with over 12 years experience, could you please let me know? I have worked for years with companies across the country — mostly offsite — assisting with copywriting services, company branding and more. I am available for writing, proofreading and/or editing assignments. I would be happy to provide references upon request.

Please click here to view my resume. You can also visit my Website for writing samples at:

www.penguinscribe.com

Thanks in advance for any help you might be able to provide.

And remember, you are not alone…

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Tops in Pops: Nominate the Best Daddy Blog Posts of the Month

It’s not too late to nominatie for this month’s Tops in Pops. Choose yourself or someone else — either way, you have until midnight, November 2nd to submit. So what are you waiting for? Click on the link below & vote!

What is Tops in Pops?

Have you read an awesome post on a daddy blog lately? Have you written one? Well, here’s your chance to shine (or help a fellow daddy blogger shine) by submitting a post you feel is “Tops in Pops,” for the month of October.

Every first Monday of the month, the previous month’s picks will be posted.

You have until November 2nd to submit a nomination. Just go to the Tops in Pops Submission Form at Blog Carnival. Fill in a few lines of information, and you’re done!

Looking forward to seeing everybody’s favorites.

And remember, you are not alone…

Related links:
Tops in Pops: The Best Daddy Blog Posts of June 2008
Tops in Pops: The Best Daddy Blog Posts of July 2008
Tops in Pops: The Best Daddy Blog Posts of August 2008
Tops in Pops: The Best Daddy Bog Posts of September 2008


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No Small Consequence: Our Children’s Future

Years ago, it was common practice for parents to physically reprimand their children when they “misbehaved.” Spanking, hitting and far worse occured with regularity, and seemed to be the norm.

Although there is still a percentage of the world that hits their kids (which I don’t agree with), there is an increasing percentage of parents who do not discipline their kids at all (which I do not agree with). 

So if we want to help our children learn, but we don’t want to use violence to “teach them,” what’s a dad to do? What other ways of discipline are there?

Yelling? Nope. Been there, done that. It sucked…
Click here for research and details as to why yelling at our kids is an inferior form of discipline. As a matter of fact, it can permenantly damage their brains!

What we can do is offer consequences. Large or small, consequences can be handed out with the calmest of voices, without any physical abuse. I’ve found that as long as I follow through with whatever consequence I offer, it is incredibly effective. It also helps my kids learn to be responsible for their actions.

If we don’t teach our kids to act in acceptable ways through some type of discipline, what kind of adults will they grow up to be? And if we spank or beat the crap out of them, well, what are we really teaching them?

I see too many parents letting their kids do whatever the hell they want. The kids run the show. Until recently, I often found myself in the role of the typical pushover dad  — making idle threats about consequences I never followed through on. Saying things like, “stop it… stop it or there’s no more TV for the rest of the day… I said stop it or there’s no more TV!” Of course, I never turned off the television and the behavior I was trying to stop continued until I would yell.

Not how I wanted to handle things.

Frustrated, I wrote two posts: How to Retrain t he Reactive Brain, Part 1 & Part 2, and in the process discovered that offering & following through on consequences seemed like the most effective, least harmful form of discipline for me to practice.

Last week my wife and I received a letter from my son Max’s (4.5 years old) teachers. He’s been acting out in preschool, yelling at them when they tell him to come to circle time. Max has also taken to raising his voice at us at home.

We do not allow him to raise his voice at us. We use consequences, coupled with discussion (when things calm down), to help him modify his behavior. Of course, yelling at his teachers is unacceptable too, so we let him know there will (and have already been) consequences for this negative behavior.

But it’s a fine line, because I want to procure Max’s independence. I want him to grow up believing in himself, that his opinion matters. Because it does. On the other hand, he needs to learn that yelling is NOT the way to express himself.

But I can’t put it all on Max. I am partially (possibly to a large degree) to blame for his behavior. Although I am constantly working on not yelling (see Stop Yelling Daddy! Part 1 & Part 2), both my boys have seen and heard me do yell. Like it or not, I’ve set a poor example.

We need to treat our kids with respect if we’d like them to be respectful people. We need to listen to them if we expect them to learn how to listen. We need to guide them in ways that do not damage them or riddle them with baggage that they may wind up carrying around through adulthood.

We’ve got to walk a tightrope, giving them space to shape themselves while shaping their space so it’s a positive environment.

And remember, you are not alone…

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Can You Let Go of the Need for Control? The Sedona Method, Part 3

In Part 1 of this series I introduced the Sedona Method, a powerful & easy-to use program that helped me learn to let go of negative thoughts, emotions and behaviors that were holding me back in every aspect of my life — from health, to career, to relationships. Part 2 focused specifically on letting go of resistance.

This installment of the series focuses on letting go of the need for control.

Wanting to Control
“When we want control, we fee like we don’t have control. It may help you to recognize the sense of wanting to control if you understand that it is not a feeling, although it has a feel to it. It feels hard and pushy, like: ‘It has to be my way.’

When we want to control, we feel out of control and like we need to take action to get it back. Synonyms for wanting to control include resistance and wanting to change, as well as wanting to understand, to manipulate, to push, to fix, to force, to have it be our way, to be right, and to be on top, among others. As we let go of wanting to control, we feel more in control.

As you start to let go of wanting to control or change things in your life, you’ll find yourself accepting things that you can not change, changing things that are appropriate to change, and feeling a lot less tension about things that are truly out of your control…”
— Hale Dwoskin, CEO and Director of Training of Sedona Training Associates

A Note About the Word WANT
The mind interprets the word want as lack. So, if you say or think that you want something, what manifests is exactly what you asked for. You become a person wanting (lacking) something, instead of a person HAVING something.

For example if you continuously think, “I want an abundance of money,” your mind (and the Universe) brings you just that — because what it hears is, “I lack an abundance of money.” Although this might seem like semantics, there is a truth to this. I’ve experienced it first hand.

Try rewording your desires with the word “have” instead of “want,” and see what happens. The Sedona Method teaches you how to do this in every aspect of your life. As long as you’re willing to do the work you’ll see positive changes, even with things you’ve been struggling with for years.

I have found the need to control in pretty much every aspect of my life. And although there are plenty of things I’m still working on, I would not be who I am (or where I am) today without the help of the Sedona Method.

Here’s an exercise that will give you an idea of what it’s like to let go of the need for control. You may find it hard to do, or you may find it easy. Either way, it’s OK just the way it is. Remember, this is only one “slice” of the program. There’s much more to it than I am able to explain here.

And remember, it’s OK to take each step as slowly as you need to…

Take a deep breath and focus inside.

Think of something in your life that you want to control.

Could you welcome whatever emotional and/or physical feeling that comes up?

Let the feeling fully be here (along with any sounds, sensations or pictures that arise with it).

Could you let it go?

If you repeat these steps a few times, I think you’ll find that at least some of the need for control has been lifted (if it hasn’t already). Remember, this is only a small part of what the Sedona Method has to offer.

The next installment will focus on letting go of the need for approval — both from others and ourselves. In the meantime if you’d like to learn more, or try the CD program risk free, click here, or on the Sedona Method link in the sidebar above, right. You can also purchase the Sedona Method book, available at Amazon.com and fine bookstores everywhere.

And remember, you are not alone…

Related Links:
Part 4 introduces how to let go of wanting approval
Part 5 looks at letting go of the need for security/survival

Family Blogs
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Funny Dad Week, Part 2: Say Hello to Tim Bete, He’s Funny!

Who is Tim Bete, you ask?
He’s a dad who’s fascinated with pirates, parenting and making people laugh. He’s written two books: Guide to Pirate Parenting, and In the Beginning, there Were No Diapers: Laughing and Learning in the First Years of Fatherhood. 

Tim also has a Web site called Where I Live. It currently features an article on how losing control of the TV remote (in the hospital) is the most painful part of labor (for men).

I convinced Tim to answer some questions in-between raiding pirate ships and changing dirty diapers. He typed up a response rather quickly for a guy with metal hooks for hands…  

Why have you chosen comedy as your form of communication? Why not another genre?
I don’t think we choose our genres, I think we’re born with them. Some people just have brains wired for humor. The wiring of most humor writers is faulty and wouldn’t get an okay from a housing inspector without a large bribe. Besides, who wants to write other genres? There are too many New-age, Young-adult, Vampire Romance novels.
 
What’s the deal with pirates? Why a whole book exclusively about pirate parenting?
You’re just jealous you didn’t think of it first. There are many good reasons to raise your kids as pirates. Here are five:
* Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach him to be a pirate, and he’ll steal other people’s fish for a lifetime.
* Divvying up booty is good quality time with the kids.
* When other parents hear you’re raising your children as pirates, they’ll stop asking you to volunteer at school.
* It’s fun to watch the emergency room doctor’s reaction when you say your son was injured during “a little mishap boarding a merchant vessel that refused to surrender.”
* Replacing “family movie night” with “family terrorizing the neighbors with cannons night” is a wonderful change of pace.
 
Who is he funniest comedian on earth? Why?
Oh, sure, limit the question to the EARTH. You are so narrow minded. The funniest person in the universe is Smilken Fdrwesoret who lives on the planet Flipulus. He’s hysterical! And he does a dead-on impersonation of Intergalactic President Quirtdew Clixzasl.
 
Who is the least funny comedian on earth? Explain their success.
John Candy, although technically I think he’s IN the earth now, not ON it. I can’t explain his success. I never thought he was funny. He’s certainly no Smilken Fdrwesoret.
 
If you inherited $500 million dollars tomorrow, what would you do with your life?
Funny you should ask because that just happened to me yesterday. Unfortunately it’s all gone now. But it was a GREAT 24 hours. Be careful how often you shout, “Let it ride!”
 
Can you share the best joke you’ve ever heard or written?
One of my favorite jokes is from the “three guys walk into a bar” genre. It goes like this:
A baby seal walks into a club.
 
One of my favorite jokes that I’ve written is this:
Q: How can you tell if your child has great potential to be a pirate?
A:  When mom’s water broke, your baby yelled, “I sail with the tide!”

How about the worst?
You mean liver wurst? (That was the worst joke I’ve ever heard OR written.)
—-

I hope you enjoyed the second installment of Funny Dad Week. To learn more about Tim Bete, visit the barge on your local docks, or check out his Web site. If you’re interested in reading more about his pirate book, click here Matey!

And remember, you are not alone…

Related links:
Funny Dad Week: Say Hello to Jeff Sawyer, He’s Funny!

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Funny Dad Week: Say Hello to Jeff Sawyer, He’s Funny!

Who is Jeff Sawyer, you ask?
He’s a talented writer with a great sense of humor. And he’s funny, too. Jeff and his wife have two girls in college, so he’ll be working for the rest of his life to help pay off their student loans. He works as a creative director for a large catalog company in the mid west. And he has a blog called, Sawyer Speaks: short original humor, which probably keeps him sane.

One of Jeff’s short stories, Mountain Boomer, was recently published in the book, Humor for a Boomer’s Heart: Stories, Quips & Quotes to Lift the Heart. 

Here’s an excerpt:
“We boomer consumers are a demographic that marketers pursue as relentlessly as ushers chasing a bat during a sermon. We’re sufficiently Web-savvy to analyze their product offerings more thoroughly than any topic of any research paper we ever wrote in college, and affluent enough to more or less afford what we eventually settle on.

Accidental scrutiny of my own physique one morning in my forties (“What is a mirror doing in a bathroom, honey?) led me to purchase a serious rowing machine. I had actually used it, three times a week for years, until a herniated disk left me frozen in the rowing position. Walk around the office with a posture of a Slinky going downstairs, and people are going to think you’re feeling overburdened. Which maybe you are – and the solution to that, they’ll tell you, is exercise…”

I caught up with Jeff (which wasn’t hard with that herniated disk and poor posture) and he was kind enough to answer a few questions about comedy…

Jeff, can you share the best joke you’ve ever heard or written?

My financial plan.
 
Or this one, for David Letterman, early 90’s:
Michael Jackson has just married Lisa-Marie Presley. If Elvis was dead, he’d be turning over in his grave.
 
How about the worst?

Any joke that starts with the word “Knock.”
 
Why have you chosen comedy as your form of communication? Why not another genre?

All the other forms were taken by Republicans. They left us with laughing and weeping. I choose laughing.

Who is the funniest comedian on earth? Why?

Whoever buys material from me. I think Eddie Izzard is brilliant. Andy Rooney kills.

Who is the least funny comedian on earth? Explain their success.

Any comedian who relies on use of the F-word to be funny. That’s right, “Fabio.” Beyond that, I don’t have an attorney, so I don’t want to get sued. Especially if I inherited $500 million. 

If you inherited $500 million dollars tomorrow, what would you do with your life?

The real question is, what would I do with yours?
 
I would first ask my sisters when our parents had died, because they were doing ok when I called home this week. And where did they hide this profound wealth all those years?  
 
I might give it all to Oprah, just to shock her. Put it all in an envelope, and say, “Look under your chair, Oprah!” Then we’d have a great time together over lunch, which neither of us would eat because our comfort waist pants are already stretched out like the steel belts in a radial tire lab test.

$500 million would also afford me the ability to pay my Wisconsin property taxes in 2 easy payments instead of 4. That would be convenient.
 
I would start a hedge fund involving actual hedges, beautifying America one yard at a time.

—-

I hope you enjoyed the first installment of Funny Dad Week. To learn more about Jeff Sawyer, visit his blog Sawyer Speaks. His book can be found at Amazon.com.

And remember, you are not alone…

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Tops in Pops: The Best Daddy Blog Posts of September

Tops in Pops: The Best Daddy Blog Posts of September 2008

Welcome to Tops in Pops. This month’s best-of list is shorter than usual. Between receiving less nominations & not having time to seek out great posts, there are only a handful. The good news is that these posts are fantastic!

Every month, this ongoing blog carnival spotlights extraordinary dads — finding out what’s on their minds, and in their hearts. I hope you enjoy this month’s selection, and I look forward to your comments.

And now, the best of September…

EDITOR’S PICK:
babbo presents Transition – Five Songs that Make Me Think posted at Discovering Dad. This post features 5 songs that will make any dad reflect on life…   

tom presents Go Kings! posted at D is for Dad, saying, “Excellent story about a divorced dad’s hopes finally coming to reality.”   

babbo presents Failure Can Be a Good Thing posted at Clif’s Notes. Inspirational, motivational and shocking.

 

Reservoir Dad presents Dr Drowser and His Heavies posted at Reservoir Dad. This post starts off looking sarcastic and hard to believe. But Reservoir Dad soon eplains just how debilitating exhaustion can be.

That’s it for this month. If you’ve read an awesome daddy blog post, or written one yourself, here’s your chance to shine (or help a fellow daddy blogger shine) by submitting a post you feel is “Tops in Pops,” for next month’s blog carnival. As long as the nominated post is written by a daddy blogger, it’s accepted for consideration.

What are you waiting for? Submitting a nomination is easy. Just use this carnival submission form. It takes about 10 seconds, and your done!

And remember, you are not alone…

Previous Tops in Pops Installments:
Tops in Pops: The Best Daddy Blog Posts of June 2008
Tops in Pops: The Best Daddy Blog Posts of July 2008
Tops in Pops: The Best Daddy Blog Posts of August 2008

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Can You Let Go of Resistance? The Sedona Method, Part 2

In Part 1 of this series I introduced the Sedona Method, a powerful & easy-to use program that helped me learn to let go of negative thoughts, emotions and behaviors that were holding me back in every aspect of my life — from health, to career, to relationships.

As you might have guessed, this installment focuses on resistance. Here’s an excerpt from the course on the subject:

“What is Resistance?
Have you ever started a project really gung ho and lost enthusiasm somewhere in the middle? That’s resistance. Resistance is quite insidious. It’s one of the main things that stop us from having, doing and being what we want in life. In fact, we often resist things we really like and care about.

And if someone tells us to do something, that’s a sure-fired trigger for resistance. It may come up even if we would like to do what we’re being told to do. Resistance can be self-sabotaging and counter productive, and it’s operating constantly because we live in a sea of “shoulds” and “have to’s” and “must do’s” and other imperatives.

When you are told you should do something, or you have to do something, what do you feel inside? “No way! Don’t tell me what to do!” The exact same thing happens when you tell yourself what to do… That’s just the nature of our minds. We simply do not like being told what to do. Yet we are continually “shoulding” on ourselves and then wondering why we are not having fun and why things are not getting done.”

As I worked on letting go of resistance, I was surprised by some of the things that came up. I found that I was resisting things like love from my wife, success in my career, better health and better eating habits.

Here’s an exercise, straight from the Sedona Method, that will give you a feel for what it’s like to let go of resistance. It might feel hard to do, or you may find it easy. Either way, it’s OK just the way it is. Remember, this is only one “slice” of the program. There’s a lot more to it than I am able to explain here.

Take a deep breath and focus inside.

Think of something that you resist, or resist doing.

Could you welcome the feeling of resistance? (along with any sounds, sensations or pictures that arise with that feeling) Let the feeling fully be here.

Could you let go of the feeling of resistance?

Could you allow yourself to accept what is as best you can?

If you repeat these steps a few times, I think you’ll find that at least some of the resistance has been lifted. Remember, this is only a small part of what the Sedona Method has to offer.

The next installment will focus on letting go of the need for control, and includes another practical exercise to help you release it. In the meantime if you’d like to learn more, or try the CD program risk free, click here. To check out the book on Amazon.com, click here.

And remember, you are not alone…

Related Links:
Part 3 is about letting go of the need for control
Part 4 introduces how to let go of wanting approval
Part 5 looks at letting go of the need for security/survival

Family Blogs
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