moms – Page 10 – Daddy Brain

October 15, 2008

Funny Dad Week, Part 3: Say Hello to Mike Mercury, He’s Funny!

Who is Mike Mercury, you ask?
Mid-western funny man, father of one and former full-time stand up comedian, Mike bares no resemblance to Freddy Mercury, the late singer of the rock band Queen. To my knowledge, Mike can barely carry a tune. But he is funny.

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Mike is currently a professional writer and copy director at a major catalog company in the mid west. He is part of the The Cheese Head Monologues, a trio of Wisconsin comedians who will leave you rolling in the aisles. Mike’s Web site has clips and additional info, including how to hire him for corporate events. Mike will even make fun of the CEO of your comapny if you pay him enough…in advance.

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And now, a few words from Mike about comedy…

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Why have you chosen comedy as your form of communication? Why not another genre?
I think you have it backwards, Daddy Brain. Comedy chose me.

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Also, what makes you think I’ve limited myself to one genre? I’m also an accomplished sculptor, poet and painter.

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Okay, not really. But I found your question pretentious and insulting. Like I’m only capable of doing one thing. Maybe I am. So what? Oh, sure, I could’ve been a rap “singer” but who couldn’t? What other “art” form can you openly rip off legitimate artists and call it “sampling?” Those millionaire rap guys are a joke with all their money and sweet cars and big mansions and hot babes and cool clothes. God, I hate them.

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Why is stand-up comedy so intriguing to you? Have you ever used a chair?

I think it’s safe to say that stand-up comedy is intriguing to you, seeing how you’re the one asking all the nosey questions about stand-up comedy.

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As a kid, what intrigued me about it was that, on the face of it, it seems SOOO simple. You stand there by yourself and you talk. And the audience laughs. At the age of 10 I was naïve enough to think, I could do that.

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More intriguing, though, is that once you do it, you discover how maddeningly complex it is. And exciting. There’s nothing like it. I hate to use a cliché, but performing stand up is even better than that cake called Better Than Sex, which as it turns out isn’t even remotely close to being better than the worst sex you’ve ever had in your whole life but relative to other types of cake is pretty darn good. I think they saddled that cake with a bad name, and in the end it does a grave disservice to both cake and sex.

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Next time you make love to your wife tell her it was better than cake and you’ll see my point. And perhaps more importantly, if you ever meet the woman who invented Better Than Sex cake, do NOT sleep with her.

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And yes, I have used a chair. In fact, I use chairs regularly. They come in very handy when you want to sit down. For instance, I like to kick back in a reclining chair when I read. Right now, I’m sitting in an office chair, which helps keep me elevated just high enough off the floor that I can easily reach the keyboard without straining. Chairs are great. If I ever meet the guy who invented the chair, I’m gonna give him some Better Than Sex cake.

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Who is the funniest comedian on earth? Why?

Well, given my relative anonymity, we can safely assume that it’s not me. So who’s left?

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I don’t think there’s any such thing as a single funniest comedian on earth. There are lots of really funny comedians and a smaller handful of really exceptional comedians. There are also lots of really funny people that aren’t comedians and never will be because there’s a HUUUUGE difference between being funny at a party with your friends and being funny on cue at 8:00 on a Saturday night right after the emcee introduces you to a crowd of 5000.

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To my funny bone, my favorite stand-up comedians include Steve Martin, Jerry Seinfeld, Pat Paulsen, George Carlin, Chris Rock, Ellen DeGeneres, Brian Regan and Jim Gaffigan.

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But to be honest, I’m not sure that it’s fair to limit it only to the funniest comedians on earth. If I were asking the question, I would’ve left it more open ended so as not to exclude or offend anyone.

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Who is the least funny comedian on earth? Explain their success.

Great question, Daddy Brain. First off, I’d like to thank you for the opportunity to participate in this forum. And I’d like to thank WordPress.com for hosting the event. And I’d like to thank your readers. My friends, my opponent and I have a fundamental disagreement over this issue. Frankly, I don’t think it’s my call to make. Let’s just say that certain names have come up – Dane Cook, Carlos Mencia and Mort Sahl among others. But my opponent and I do agree on one thing and that is that success speaks for itself. As long as it is achieved ethically and legally, the results speak for themselves. So in the end it has to be about job creation. And when the results are in come November, we believe that we will be successful and as president, I can and will fix health care. Thank you.

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If you inherited $500 million dollars tomorrow, what would you do with your life?

I suppose I should be deliriously happy. But after I realized that I would have to pay the federal government half the money in estate taxes, I’d be livid. Which would be enough to compel me to run for the US Senate with the single goal of changing the inheritance tax laws in this country. So by the time I fund my campaign, and then lose 40% of the money in the stock market, I’m practically broke. Then I’ll need the federal government to bail me out. Sure, $500 million sounds like a nice chunk of change, but it just doesn’t go as far as it used to when you get right down to it.

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Can you share the best joke you’ve ever heard or written?

After re-reading what I’ve written here, I think the thing about Better Than Sex cake might be my best work ever.

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How about the worst?

Thank you for the question, Daddy Brain. First off, let me start by saying that it has to be an “all of the above” approach. And that Joe Six Pack doesn’t think about things like the “worst” whatever. We’re Americans. We have a “can-do” spirit. And when push comes to shove, we will win the war in Norway. Thank you.

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I hope you enjoyed the final installment of Funny Dad Week. To learn more about Mike, visit his Web site, or check out his blog.

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And remember, you are not alone…

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Funny Dad Week, Part 2: Say Hello to Tim Bete, He’s Funny!

Who is Tim Bete, you ask?
He’s a dad who’s fascinated with pirates, parenting and making people laugh. He’s written two books: Guide to Pirate Parenting, and In the Beginning, there Were No Diapers: Laughing and Learning in the First Years of Fatherhood.

Tim also has a Web site called Where I Live. It currently features an article on how losing control of the TV remote (in the hospital) is the most painful part of labor (for men).

I convinced Tim to answer some questions in-between raiding pirate ships and changing dirty diapers. He typed up a response rather quickly for a guy with metal hooks for hands…

Why have you chosen comedy as your form of communication? Why not another genre?
I don’t think we choose our genres, I think we’re born with them. Some people just have brains wired for humor. The wiring of most humor writers is faulty and wouldn’t get an okay from a housing inspector without a large bribe. Besides, who wants to write other genres? There are too many New-age, Young-adult, Vampire Romance novels.

What’s the deal with pirates? Why a whole book exclusively about pirate parenting?
You’re just jealous you didn’t think of it first. There are many good reasons to raise your kids as pirates. Here are five:
* Give a man a ﬁsh and you feed him for a day. Teach him to be a pirate, and he’ll steal other people’s ﬁsh for a lifetime.
* Divvying up booty is good quality time with the kids.
* When other parents hear you’re raising your children as pirates, they’ll stop asking you to volunteer at school.
* It’s fun to watch the emergency room doctor’s reaction when you say your son was injured during “a little mishap boarding a merchant vessel that refused to surrender.”
* Replacing “family movie night” with “family terrorizing the neighbors with cannons night” is a wonderful change of pace.

Who is he funniest comedian on earth? Why?
Oh, sure, limit the question to the EARTH. You are so narrow minded. The funniest person in the universe is Smilken Fdrwesoret who lives on the planet Flipulus. He’s hysterical! And he does a dead-on impersonation of Intergalactic President Quirtdew Clixzasl.

Who is the least funny comedian on earth? Explain their success.
John Candy, although technically I think he’s IN the earth now, not ON it. I can’t explain his success. I never thought he was funny. He’s certainly no Smilken Fdrwesoret.

If you inherited $500 million dollars tomorrow, what would you do with your life?
Funny you should ask because that just happened to me yesterday. Unfortunately it’s all gone now. But it was a GREAT 24 hours. Be careful how often you shout, “Let it ride!”

Can you share the best joke you’ve ever heard or written?
One of my favorite jokes is from the “three guys walk into a bar” genre. It goes like this:
A baby seal walks into a club.

One of my favorite jokes that I’ve written is this:
Q: How can you tell if your child has great potential to be a pirate?
A: When mom’s water broke, your baby yelled, “I sail with the tide!”

How about the worst?
You mean liver wurst? (That was the worst joke I’ve ever heard OR written.)
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I hope you enjoyed the second installment of Funny Dad Week. To learn more about Tim Bete, visit the barge on your local docks, or check out his Web site. If you’re interested in reading more about his pirate book, click here Matey!

And remember, you are not alone…

October 8, 2008

Funny Dad Week: Say Hello to Jeff Sawyer, He’s Funny!

Who is Jeff Sawyer, you ask?
He’s a talented writer with a great sense of humor. And he’s funny, too. Jeff and his wife have two girls in college, so he’ll be working for the rest of his life to help pay off their student loans. He works as a creative director for a large catalog company in the mid west. And he has a blog called, Sawyer Speaks: short original humor, which probably keeps him sane.

One of Jeff’s short stories, Mountain Boomer, was recently published in the book, Humor for a Boomer’s Heart: Stories, Quips & Quotes to Lift the Heart.

Here’s an excerpt:
“We boomer consumers are a demographic that marketers pursue as relentlessly as ushers chasing a bat during a sermon. We’re sufficiently Web-savvy to analyze their product offerings more thoroughly than any topic of any research paper we ever wrote in college, and affluent enough to more or less afford what we eventually settle on.

Accidental scrutiny of my own physique one morning in my forties (“What is a mirror doing in a bathroom, honey?) led me to purchase a serious rowing machine. I had actually used it, three times a week for years, until a herniated disk left me frozen in the rowing position. Walk around the office with a posture of a Slinky going downstairs, and people are going to think you’re feeling overburdened. Which maybe you are – and the solution to that, they’ll tell you, is exercise…”

I caught up with Jeff (which wasn’t hard with that herniated disk and poor posture) and he was kind enough to answer a few questions about comedy…

Jeff, can you share the best joke you’ve ever heard or written?

My financial plan.

Or this one, for David Letterman, early 90’s:
Michael Jackson has just married Lisa-Marie Presley. If Elvis was dead, he’d be turning over in his grave.

How about the worst?

Any joke that starts with the word “Knock.”

Why have you chosen comedy as your form of communication? Why not another genre?

All the other forms were taken by Republicans. They left us with laughing and weeping. I choose laughing.

Who is the funniest comedian on earth? Why?

Whoever buys material from me. I think Eddie Izzard is brilliant. Andy Rooney kills.

Who is the least funny comedian on earth? Explain their success.

Any comedian who relies on use of the F-word to be funny. That’s right, “Fabio.” Beyond that, I don’t have an attorney, so I don’t want to get sued. Especially if I inherited $500 million.

If you inherited $500 million dollars tomorrow, what would you do with your life?

The real question is, what would I do with yours?

I would first ask my sisters when our parents had died, because they were doing ok when I called home this week. And where did they hide this profound wealth all those years?

I might give it all to Oprah, just to shock her. Put it all in an envelope, and say, “Look under your chair, Oprah!” Then we’d have a great time together over lunch, which neither of us would eat because our comfort waist pants are already stretched out like the steel belts in a radial tire lab test.

$500 million would also afford me the ability to pay my Wisconsin property taxes in 2 easy payments instead of 4. That would be convenient.

I would start a hedge fund involving actual hedges, beautifying America one yard at a time.

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I hope you enjoyed the first installment of Funny Dad Week. To learn more about Jeff Sawyer, visit his blog Sawyer Speaks. His book can be found at Amazon.com.

And remember, you are not alone…

October 7, 2008October 7, 2008

Tops in Pops: The Best Daddy Blog Posts of September

Tops in Pops: The Best Daddy Blog Posts of September 2008

Welcome to Tops in Pops. This month’s best-of list is shorter than usual. Between receiving less nominations & not having time to seek out great posts, there are only a handful. The good news is that these posts are fantastic!

Every month, this ongoing blog carnival spotlights extraordinary dads — finding out what’s on their minds, and in their hearts. I hope you enjoy this month’s selection, and I look forward to your comments.

And now, the best of September…

EDITOR’S PICK:
babbo presents Transition – Five Songs that Make Me Think posted at Discovering Dad. This post features 5 songs that will make any dad reflect on life…

tom presents Go Kings! posted at D is for Dad, saying, “Excellent story about a divorced dad’s hopes finally coming to reality.”

babbo presents Failure Can Be a Good Thing posted at Clif’s Notes. Inspirational, motivational and shocking.

Reservoir Dad presents Dr Drowser and His Heavies posted at Reservoir Dad. This post starts off looking sarcastic and hard to believe. But Reservoir Dad soon eplains just how debilitating exhaustion can be.

That’s it for this month. If you’ve read an awesome daddy blog post, or written one yourself, here’s your chance to shine (or help a fellow daddy blogger shine) by submitting a post you feel is “Tops in Pops,” for next month’s blog carnival. As long as the nominated post is written by a daddy blogger, it’s accepted for consideration.

What are you waiting for? Submitting a nomination is easy. Just use this carnival submission form. It takes about 10 seconds, and your done!

And remember, you are not alone…

Previous Tops in Pops Installments:
Tops in Pops: The Best Daddy Blog Posts of June 2008
Tops in Pops: The Best Daddy Blog Posts of July 2008
Tops in Pops: The Best Daddy Blog Posts of August 2008

If you like this post, Stumble It!

Technorati tags: tops in pops, blog carnival.

October 2, 2008

The Politics of Parenting: Don’t Lie to Your Kids

In life, we can’t insure that the Presidential Candidate of our choice will win. We also can’t control what the President, or any political figure, will say or do once elected.

But if we look at some of the ethics we’d like to see in our politicians, we CAN make sure we’re applying them in our own little country we call home.

Welcome to the first installment of The Politics of Parenting: Don’t Lie to Your Children.

Let’s take the recent John McCain incident as an example. He was supposed to appear on The David Letterman Show for an interview. If you haven’t heard the story, Senator McCain backed out of the appearance, saying that he had to get back to Washington immediately to help with the economic crisis.

McCain then proceeded to tape an interview with Katie Couric BEFORE he made his way back to Washington. Obviously this interview was more important to the Senator than the Dave Letterman appearance.

But the point is McCain flat out lied. And with that lie comes loss of trust & loss of credibility. The same is true of parents that lie to their kids.

Kids are not stupid. They know when we’re lying. More importantly, they deserve the truth.

If we’re going to lie about something, big or small, how can our kids ever be sure we’re telling the truth? I’m not saying you have to be brutal in how you share the truth, it can be offered in an age-appropriate way.

Even if we have good intentions, trying to protect our children with a lie is not the best choice. When we hide the truth from them, we rob them of the opportunity to learn a valuable life lesson. This shelters them from a reality that might one day be present in their lives as adults (like money issues, death, or relationship problems). I think our kids will fare better if we’ve given them a foundation of what to expect from life and how to deal with it.

Protecting the integrity of our relationships with out kids has far better long-term results. It gives them a sense of security & safeness. It helps them feel like “real people,” because they’re included (again in an age appropriate way) in what’s going on with the family. This helps them grow into healthy, high-functioning adults.

If our kids have lost faith in our word, how can we expect to be trusted — especially during stressful or major life changing situations? Even if it’s a “small lie,” you can not realistically expect your kids to listen to your advice or suggestions after you’ve undermined the relationship with a lack of trust.

McCain could have said: “Sorry Dave, I can’t make the show tonight. As you know, there’s an economic crisis I have to attend to. I also have a news interview scheduled with Katie Couric, and I simply can not break that interview. Plus, I’m really old and I need a nap. Is there any chance we can resehceule when things calm down?”

Sure, Dave may have still been pissed, but at least he’d have the satisfaction of knowing the possible future President told the truth. If he’s lying about trivial things like this, can we trust anything he says?

If your kids can’t trust you to tell the truth, who can they trust? Certainly not John McCain.

Here’s what Letterman had to say about what happened thing…

And remember, you are not alone…

September 25, 2008September 23, 2011

Can You Let Go of Resistance? The Sedona Method, Part 2

In Part 1 of this series I introduced the Sedona Method, a powerful & easy-to use program that helped me learn to let go of negative thoughts, emotions and behaviors that were holding me back in every aspect of my life — from health, to career, to relationships.

As you might have guessed, this installment focuses on resistance. Here’s an excerpt from the course on the subject:

“What is Resistance?
Have you ever started a project really gung ho and lost enthusiasm somewhere in the middle? That’s resistance. Resistance is quite insidious. It’s one of the main things that stop us from having, doing and being what we want in life. In fact, we often resist things we really like and care about.

And if someone tells us to do something, that’s a sure-fired trigger for resistance. It may come up even if we would like to do what we’re being told to do. Resistance can be self-sabotaging and counter productive, and it’s operating constantly because we live in a sea of “shoulds” and “have to’s” and “must do’s” and other imperatives.

When you are told you should do something, or you have to do something, what do you feel inside? “No way! Don’t tell me what to do!” The exact same thing happens when you tell yourself what to do… That’s just the nature of our minds. We simply do not like being told what to do. Yet we are continually “shoulding” on ourselves and then wondering why we are not having fun and why things are not getting done.”

As I worked on letting go of resistance, I was surprised by some of the things that came up. I found that I was resisting things like love from my wife, success in my career, better health and better eating habits.

Here’s an exercise, straight from the Sedona Method, that will give you a feel for what it’s like to let go of resistance. It might feel hard to do, or you may find it easy. Either way, it’s OK just the way it is. Remember, this is only one “slice” of the program. There’s a lot more to it than I am able to explain here.

Take a deep breath and focus inside.

Think of something that you resist, or resist doing.

Could you welcome the feeling of resistance? (along with any sounds, sensations or pictures that arise with that feeling) Let the feeling fully be here.

Could you let go of the feeling of resistance?

Could you allow yourself to accept what is as best you can?

If you repeat these steps a few times, I think you’ll find that at least some of the resistance has been lifted. Remember, this is only a small part of what the Sedona Method has to offer.

The next installment will focus on letting go of the need for control, and includes another practical exercise to help you release it. In the meantime if you’d like to learn more, or try the CD program risk free, click here. To check out the book on Amazon.com, click here.

And remember, you are not alone…

Related Links:
Part 3 is about letting go of the need for control
Part 4 introduces how to let go of wanting approval
Part 5 looks at letting go of the need for security/survival

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September 19, 2008

Do You Have a Date Night?

For the past two months, my family has been without a babysitter. Since we live 800 miles away from friends and family, without a sitter there is no opportunity for my wife and I to have dinner, stroll through the bookstore, or have coffee & conversation without the kids.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my kids and I love spending time with them. But I also need some wife time. Just me and her, “man-o a wife-o,” so to speak. Without a sitter, Date Night was no more. And as every week went by, I realized the import of those few hours of husband & wife time we shared.

Thank goodness we finally found a new sitter. Date Night has been reinstated!

My circumstances got me wondering about other couples. If you’re married with kids, do you do date night? Or some other form of husband and wife time?

If you’re a single parent, how do you handle a date night with your kids? Do they meet your date, or do you keep your love life separate from the kids until a relationship becomes more serious?

Your thoughts, opinions and stories are appreciated.

And remember, you are not alone…

September 13, 2008August 2, 2010

The Sedona Method: Your Key to Happiness, Success, Peace & Emotional Well-being

“I have been exposed to many self-improvement techniques and processes. This one stands head and shoulders above the rest for its ease of use, its profound impact, and the speed with which it produces results.

The Sedona Method is a vastly accelerated way of letting go of feelings like anger, frustration, jealousy, anxiety, stress and fear, as well as many other problems — even physical pain — with which almost everybody struggles at one time or another.”

— Jack Canfield, co-creator of the Chicken Soup for the Soul books

In my life, I have usually found that when something appears too good to be true, it turns out to be something that was too good to be true. This is NOT the case with the Sedona Method. It is an easy to use program that delivers what it promises — wonderful, life-changing results.

In this first part of this series, I’d like to present an overview of some fundamentals of the course:

– Letting go of resistance

– Letting go of the need for control

– Letting go of the need for approval

– Letting go of the need for security/survival

The current version of the course includes many other facets as well. But these core elements are what helped empower me to: heal from Crohn’s Disease, quit an incredibly toxic job, drastically lower my anxiety level, rid myself of obsessive compulsive thoughts, behaviors, anger issues, debilitating fear and stress — to name a few.

I was able to do this by learning to let go of the negative thoughts, emotions and behaviors that I was holding on to. The process is so simple, anybody can do it. All you need is a sincere desire to find a better way to live.

Hale Dwoskin, CEO and Director of Training of The Sedona Method asks: “Have you ever held on to an emotion even though there was nothing you could do to satisfy it, make it right, or change the situation that appeared to cause it?

Have you ever held on to tension or anxiety even after the initial event that triggered it was long over? This is the form of holding on that we will explore throughout this course.

What is the opposite of holding on? Well, letting go, of course…”

Part 2 of this series focuses on letting go of resistance, and includes a practical exercise to help you release it. In the meantime if you’d like to learn more, or try the CD program risk free, click here. To check out the book on Amazon, click here.

And remember, you are not alone…

Related links:
Part 2 focuses on letting go of resistance
Part 3 is about letting go of the need for control
Part 4 introduces how to let go of wanting approval
Part 5 looks at letting go of the need for security/survival

September 12, 2008

9/11 Remembered

I think about September 11th just about every day.

I always seem to look at the clock when it’s 9:11. I notice when it’s the expiration date for milk and other perishable foods.

Although I’ve lived in Wisconsin for the past two years, I lived in NY for the first 38 years of my life.

And although I remember the day vividly, that’s not what this post is about. This is about taking a moment to honor the souls that were lost that day, and honoring their families as well.

This is about asking and thanking the Universe for a more peaceful world.

And remember, you are not alone…

September 6, 2008September 16, 2011

How to Retrain the Reactive Brain, Part 2

In part one of this series, I wrote about how being yelled at as a boy has affected how my brain processes information — causing me to react a certain way during stressful situations with my own kids.

In short, sometimes I yell.

Since being yelled at physically damages kids brains (see Stop Yelling Daddy, Part 2), my goal has been to find more productive, less damaging alternatives to deal with my boys when one (or both) of them refuses to listen, has a tantrum, starts bossing me around, or is exhibiting some other type of undesirable behavior.

But my brain is hardwired to react a certain way (in part because I was yelled at as a kid), so it has not been easy.

My goal is to retrain my brain — to turn it off autopilot. Here’s an update about what I’ve been doing, and discovering, the past two weeks…

(1) Breathing.
I know this sounds ridiculous, but when the kids start acting out I forget to breathe. I have found this is the catalyst to losing my cool. I have had to force myself to take a moment and breathe before I react. I’ve been taking a step back from the culprit, and turning slightly away. This gives me a moment to think.

(2) Use Consequences Instead of Yelling.
This has been a major breakthrough for me. I do feel that sometimes I’m lacking compassion as I offer up a consequence when the kids are not listening. I do not like the feeling of being an authoritarian, but how else can I teach the boys when they’re acting out? Consequences certainly feel (and work) better than yelling. And hitting is just out of the question.

There needs to be some type of negative consequence.

Following through has been the key. I saw a positive change in Max, 4, right away. His refusing to go to bed disappeared once he realized I was serious about no Speed Racer cartoons the next day. Literally overnight, he became more cooperative.

Unfortunately my son Joss, 2, seems unfazed by any of this. Luckily he does respond to redirection.

Positive consequences.
The flip side of this is that there needs to be “positive consequences” when the boys do listen, when they are being good kids. Whether we simply thank them, hug them, give them a special surprise like their favorite dinner or a new toy — acknowledging the positive is essential.

The idea is not to make the boys feel bad about themselves. The idea is to help them learn.

What worries me is that my sons are stopping an unwanted behavior because of the repercussions, not because they understand why the behavior is undesirable. Yes, they’re learning to be more accountable for their actions. But I prefer that they also learn WHY they are being punished — I want to go beyond the consequence.

They need to learn that the consequence is a result of a behavior that was negative. They also need to understand why the behavior is considered negative to begin with.

Often, once things settle down we have a brief discussion to help them understand. When we talk, I try to be calm, clear and compassionate.

Never call your child “bad.”
I try very hard not to direct the word “bad” towards my boys. When I talk to them, they need to know bad behavior does not make them bad. The behavior itself is what is bad, not them. We used to call Joss a “bad boy,” when he misbehaved until we realized this was attaching the word “bad” to him instead of what he was doing.

Is he bad? Or is his behavior bad?

This needs to be clear to all involved, otherwise we’re perpetuating a poor self image, which will produce more “bad” behavior. We want to help our kids be true to themselves, not disable them with negative baggage.

(3) Letting go of the need for control.
It is sometimes difficult for me to separate my need to control from my need to be a compassionate father & teacher. Sometimes, my kids just need to be heard. Sometimes I need to let them have a minute to be upset. Emotions are part of life and I need to respect that.

If they’re out of control, a consequence may be the short-term answer to make them stop. But I need to do a better job in being understanding and compassionate BEFORE things get out of control.

And remember, you are not alone…