Funny Dad Week, Part 3: Say Hello to Mike Mercury, He’s Funny!

Who is Mike Mercury, you ask?
Mid-western funny man, father of one and former full-time stand up comedian, Mike bares no resemblance to Freddy Mercury, the late singer of the rock band Queen. To my knowledge, Mike can barely carry a tune. But he is funny.

Mike is currently a professional writer and copy director at a major catalog company in the mid west. He is part of the The Cheese Head Monologues, a trio of Wisconsin comedians who will leave you rolling in the aisles. Mike’s Web site has clips and additional info, including how to hire him for corporate events. Mike will even make fun of the CEO of your comapny if you pay him enough…in advance.

And now, a few words from Mike about comedy…

Why have you chosen comedy as your form of communication? Why not another genre?
I think you have it backwards, Daddy Brain. Comedy chose me.

Also, what makes you think I’ve limited myself to one genre? I’m also an accomplished sculptor, poet and painter.

Okay, not really. But I found your question pretentious and insulting. Like I’m only capable of doing one thing. Maybe I am. So what? Oh, sure, I could’ve been a rap “singer” but who couldn’t? What other “art” form can you openly rip off legitimate artists and call it “sampling?” Those millionaire rap guys are a joke with all their money and sweet cars and big mansions and hot babes and cool clothes. God, I hate them.

Why is stand-up comedy so intriguing to you? Have you ever used a chair?

I think it’s safe to say that stand-up comedy is intriguing to you, seeing how you’re the one asking all the nosey questions about stand-up comedy.

As a kid, what intrigued me about it was that, on the face of it, it seems SOOO simple. You stand there by yourself and you talk. And the audience laughs. At the age of 10 I was naïve enough to think, I could do that.

More intriguing, though, is that once you do it, you discover how maddeningly complex it is. And exciting. There’s nothing like it. I hate to use a cliché, but performing stand up is even better than that cake called Better Than Sex, which as it turns out isn’t even remotely close to being better than the worst sex you’ve ever had in your whole life but relative to other types of cake is pretty darn good. I think they saddled that cake with a bad name, and in the end it does a grave disservice to both cake and sex.

Next time you make love to your wife tell her it was better than cake and you’ll see my point. And perhaps more importantly, if you ever meet the woman who invented Better Than Sex cake, do NOT sleep with her.

And yes, I have used a chair. In fact, I use chairs regularly. They come in very handy when you want to sit down. For instance, I like to kick back in a reclining chair when I read. Right now, I’m sitting in an office chair, which helps keep me elevated just high enough off the floor that I can easily reach the keyboard without straining. Chairs are great. If I ever meet the guy who invented the chair, I’m gonna give him some Better Than Sex cake.

Who is the funniest comedian on earth? Why?

Well, given my relative anonymity, we can safely assume that it’s not me. So who’s left?

I don’t think there’s any such thing as a single funniest comedian on earth. There are lots of really funny comedians and a smaller handful of really exceptional comedians. There are also lots of really funny people that aren’t comedians and never will be because there’s a HUUUUGE difference between being funny at a party with your friends and being funny on cue at 8:00 on a Saturday night right after the emcee introduces you to a crowd of 5000.

To my funny bone, my favorite stand-up comedians include Steve Martin, Jerry Seinfeld, Pat Paulsen, George Carlin, Chris Rock, Ellen DeGeneres, Brian Regan and Jim Gaffigan.

But to be honest, I’m not sure that it’s fair to limit it only to the funniest comedians on earth. If I were asking the question, I would’ve left it more open ended so as not to exclude or offend anyone.

Who is the least funny comedian on earth? Explain their success.

Great question, Daddy Brain. First off, I’d like to thank you for the opportunity to participate in this forum. And I’d like to thank for hosting the event. And I’d like to thank your readers. My friends, my opponent and I have a fundamental disagreement over this issue. Frankly, I don’t think it’s my call to make. Let’s just say that certain names have come up – Dane Cook, Carlos Mencia and Mort Sahl among others. But my opponent and I do agree on one thing and that is that success speaks for itself. As long as it is achieved ethically and legally, the results speak for themselves. So in the end it has to be about job creation. And when the results are in come November, we believe that we will be successful and as president, I can and will fix health care. Thank you.

If you inherited $500 million dollars tomorrow, what would you do with your life?

I suppose I should be deliriously happy. But after I realized that I would have to pay the federal government half the money in estate taxes, I’d be livid. Which would be enough to compel me to run for the US Senate with the single goal of changing the inheritance tax laws in this country. So by the time I fund my campaign, and then lose 40% of the money in the stock market, I’m practically broke. Then I’ll need the federal government to bail me out. Sure, $500 million sounds like a nice chunk of change, but it just doesn’t go as far as it used to when you get right down to it.

Can you share the best joke you’ve ever heard or written?

After re-reading what I’ve written here, I think the thing about Better Than Sex cake might be my best work ever.

How about the worst?

Thank you for the question, Daddy Brain. First off, let me start by saying that it has to be an “all of the above” approach. And that Joe Six Pack doesn’t think about things like the “worst” whatever. We’re Americans. We have a “can-do” spirit. And when push comes to shove, we will win the war in Norway. Thank you.

—- —-

I hope you enjoyed the final installment of Funny Dad Week. To learn more about Mike, visit his Web site, or check out his blog.

And remember, you are not alone…

Related links:

Funny Dad Week: Say Hello to Jeff Sawyer, He’s Funny!

Funny Dad Week, Part 2: Say Hello to Tim Bete, He’s Funny!

2 Replies to “Funny Dad Week, Part 3: Say Hello to Mike Mercury, He’s Funny!”

  1. So, about that cake. Is it chocolate? And by the way, you’re absolutely right: lots of people think they’re funny, but would dissolve into the stage if they had to stand behind the mike. I like to kid myself that I’m mildly humorous, but my stats give me the real score.

  2. Hi Tom-

    yes, Better Than Sex cake is essentially chocolate cake dressed up with some other things. And to be honest, i’m not sure we want to know what those other things are. i can only surmise they are akin to the “Special Sauce” on a Big Mac®.

    If you ever get the chance to try Better Than Sex cake, I highly recommend it. Although you may want to lower your expectations a bit and change the name to Better Than Lutefisk cake.


    Mike M

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