Thoughts, feelings and occasional advice on being a real dad in the real world.
Today, December 20th, is indeed my birthday.
I am a lucky man. I receive the greatest gift of all every single day of the year — the gift of my family.
I am so grateful for my boys, my wife and yes my cat, too. Thank you Universe for this gift.
My goal this year (and for decades to come) is to live in appreciation.
Thanks to all my readers for making this past year of blogging such a success. It has truly changed my life.
And remember, you are not alone…
Join me today @ 5pm (CST) on Wisconsin Public Radio, for an hour-long discussion on giving your kids one of the greatest gifts of all. It doesn’t cost a dime, but it lasts a lifetime. What is it? Their own voice.
You can listen in from anywhere in the world by clicking here and adding Wisconsin Public Radio’s Ideas Network to your iTunes, Windows Media Player or RealPlayer. It takes about 30 seconds to download the station. Then, just double click the icon on your desktop to automatically add to your playlist.
The show gives listeners opportunity to call in, be heard and be part of the conversation. Just dial (800) 486-8655.
If you’re local to Wisconsin, you can also listen in on any of the following stations:
– WHA-AM 970 Madison
– WERN-FM 88.7 Madison
– KUWS-FM 91.3 Superior
– WHRM-FM 90.9 Wausau
– WHAD-FM 90.7 Delafield/Milwaukee
– WPNE-FM 89.3 Green Bay
– WLSU-FM 88.9 La Crosse
I hope you get a chance to tune in!
And remember, you are not alone…
Alright, I’m not speaking literally about your actual guts. Or am I?
Your kids may not agree with you, but it’s not about the toys you buy.
It’s not about what you do with the kids, how much money you spend or where you go. It’s about the quality of the time you spend together — being present and embracing the gift of each moment — even when it might seem mundane on the surface.
It’s about giving them your love, your attention and your respect.
But it’s more than that — it goes beyond words or individual pieces of yourself. It’s giving them your “guts.” And it takes guts to be open enough to give your guts. To lay it all on the table, so to speak.
Your legacy as a dad, the positive impact you make on your children’s lives, has little to do with things like presents, fancy vacations, the size of your TV and other possessions or “outward” things. These are trivial, they’re just things.
What’s important is who you are as a dad, and the improvements you make within your self along the way — how you “upgrade.”
When all is said and done, when your kids are your age, they might vaguely remember the X-Box 360-Version2-Millennium-Titanium-Edition, and how cool the games were. But if we do it right, they’ll look back and clearly remember that we took more than good care of them. They’ll remember that we empowered them. They’ll realize that some of those times we denied them something (like a toy — NEVER deny hugs or love), or held them responsible for their actions, we actually gave them something far greater in return.
And if we do our job really, really right — they’ll be better (and happier) human beings for it.
And remember, you are not alone…
Thanksgiving week always brings about talk of what we’re thankful for in our lives.
Of course there are the basic answers like family, friends, food, a place to live, indoor toilets and any opportunity to eat massive amounts of pizza from NY.
The other day, as I tried to go beyond my usual list of things I’m grateful for, my thoughts turned into a question…
What are the results of being grateful vs. the results of being ungrateful? What are the different “side effects” or manifestations that occur on a physical, emotional and a cognitive level?
To clarify, when I say “ungrateful” I mean active complaining or ingratitude — in other words being negative.
When we’re being ungrateful, we’re keeping in mind something that we’re not happy about — something negative, unwanted, bothersome or just plain annoying.
In this state of being, we get stuck in the mucky-muck of negativity. We use our energy dwelling on something we’re unhappy about instead of using that same energy to find solutions. And in doing so we help solidify what we’d really like to change.
When we’re grateful, the outcome is very different. We’re being positive, freeing up & refreshing our energy to move forward instead of holding ourselves back. Sure, there may be things we’re not happy about, but when we’re focusing on something positive, we’re letting go of being negative about something else.
I’m not saying to pretend to be grateful for something that just plain sucks. But why not think about something that doesn’t suck? Why not make a plan to make that particular issue less sucky, instead of just dwelling on it? Are humans so driven to misery that we can’t do this simple thing?
Muhammad Ali said it so beautifully. What we think leads to what we speak. What we speak leads to how we act, and in turn the reality we create.
There was a time when I was so unhappy with my job that I became physically ill and almost died. I was so ungrateful for everything good in my life that my personality became very negative, my soul spiritless. And in turn my body started failing me (I had Crohn’s Disease).
Getting sick turned out to be one the greatest gifts of my life. It woke me up (which was my body’s intention in the first place) and empowered me to make the changes I needed to make.
Although I am aware of the benefits of being grateful, that doesn’t mean I always am. It’s a constant battle to remain mindful about my thoughts (no pun intended).
I’d like to leave off with a question:
Can you allow yourself to be greatness? I’m not talking about ego here, but the greatness that comes with being grateful, positive and true to who you really are.
Anything is possible. The simple choice of being grateful just might change your life.
And remember, you are not alone…
Related links:
– The Road to Nowhere: It’s Not Too Late to Recreate Your Reality
– The Magic Quarter: Creating Your Own Reality
– Anything is Possible
– Out of Energy. Out of Time. Out of Luck?
– Can You Let Go of the Need for Control? The Sedona Method, Part 3
My wife was laid off today because the spa she worked at (she’s a massage therapist) closed down. Just like that — no notice, no severance, not even an apology.
So I’m reaching out to my readers, looking for any leads or recommendations for freelance copywriting work (I currently work full time as a senior copywriter at a major catalog company). I need freelance work on nights and weekends so I can help my family through this.
If you happen to need, or know somebody that needs a copywriter with over 12 years experience, could you please let me know? I have worked for years with companies across the country — mostly offsite — assisting with copywriting services, company branding and more. I am available for writing, proofreading and/or editing assignments. I would be happy to provide references upon request.
Please click here to view my resume. You can also visit my Website for writing samples at:
Thanks in advance for any help you might be able to provide.
And remember, you are not alone…
The Sedona Method is a powerful & easy-to use program that helped me learn to let go of negative thoughts, emotions and behaviors that were holding me back in every aspect of my life — from health, to career, to relationships.
If this is your first look at the series, you might want to check out Part 1 for an overview before you get started. Part 2 focuses on letting go of resistance, while Part 3 is about letting go of the need for control.
This installment takes a look at our need for approval.
Wanting Approval
Have you ever felt the need for approval? From your boss, a loved one, or yourself? Have you ever experienced an instance where there was something you really wanted to accomplish, big or small, but felt you were inadequate to get it done?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, then you’ve experienced the need for approval. When we’re wanting approval, we’re actually feeling disapproval of ourselves — feeling we’re not good enough, not ready, not qualified, not smart enough, not talented enough, and the list goes on…
When we’re seeking approval, there’s an underlying feeling of lacking it. When this happens, “we act in ways designed to help us get it, while all the time sabotaging actually getting it. We are focused on ourselves, and we feel self-conscious.
We become overly concerned with what people think of us. We may say “yes” when we mean “no.” We may allow others to give us the runaround or control us in order to get them to like us. We may take on too much responsibility or not delegate tasks, because we think it will make us more popular.
You can recognize wanting approval, because it feels soft and exposed and also like: “gimme,” or “do-it-for-me.” When we want approval, we feel like we don’t have love and that we need to do something to get it back. Synonyms for wanting approval include wanting love, acceptance, admiration, caring, to be understood, nurtured, liked, among others.
As we let go of wanting approval, we will feel more loving and caring, more loved and accepted.”
— Hale Dwoskin,
CEO and Director of Training of Sedona Training Associates
Lately, I’ve been working on letting go of my need for approval concerning Daddy Brain. I have many plans for this blog — from a book, to workshops with dads, to a film or TV show. But I have been struggling with feelings of inadequacy that have been holding me back — literally stopping me from attaining that which is within my reach.
Here’s an exercise that will give you an idea of what it’s like to let go of the need for approval. You may find it hard to do, or you may find it easy. Either way, it’s OK just the way it is. Remember this is only one “slice” of the program. There’s much, much more to it than I am able to explain here.
And remember, it’s OK to take each step as slowly as you need to…
Take a deep breath and focus inside.
Think of a situation where you wanted approval from a specific person or from yourself.
Could you welcome that sense of wanting approval, just for a moment?
Notice what it feels like to want approval.
Could you let it go?
If you repeat this process a few times, I think you’ll find that at least some of your need for approval has been lifted (if it hasn’t already). Remember, this is only a small part of what the Sedona Method has to offer.
The next installment will focus on letting go of wanting security/survival. In the meantime if you’d like to learn more, or try the CD program risk free, click here. You can also purchase the Sedona Method book, available at Amazon.com and fine bookstores everywhere.
And remember, you are not alone…
Related Links:
Part 5 looks at letting go of the need for security/survival
Those of us old enough to remember the band, The Talking Heads, know that this is the title of a fantastic song. But what about the roads we travel each day? The path that we’ve carved out for ourselves, or the one that we unwillingly walk because it’s the only one we see?
I often feel mixed emotions about my existence. On the one hand, I have a beautiful family that brings be great joy and offers me unconditional love. I am so grateful, and I feel there’s nothing more special or important than my wife and kids. On the other hand, my wife and I have been facing health issues, and like most “middle-class Americans,” finances have been tight. Although I believe (spiritually and in my heart) that there is always a solution to every situation, my thoughts often wander into feeling that there’s nowhere to turn.
The road I’m traveling feels like the drive that never ends, with no relief in sight. Or so it seems. And although I think most parents face this same dilemma, that doesn’t make it right, normal or particularly sane.
I believe that we create our own reality. I’ve written about it many times on this blog, including posts on Anything is Possible; The Magic Quarter: Creating Your Own Reality; and Positive Energy: Life Changing Energy.
How does creating, or recreating, our reality work?
For those of you who haven’t heard the concept before, it’s basically about being mindful about what you’d like to bring into your existence. Think and speak about what you would like to manifest in your life and it will come. It also involves action — doing your part — to help the manifestation occur. There are a bunch of books on the subject that will explain it to you better than I can (see a brief listing below), but that’s basically it. Think, speak, do — and eventually it will manifest.
I’d like to clarify that sometimes “doing” has nothing to do with what you’re really doing. It’s about who you are being in relation to what you’re doing that’s important. Doing will keep you busy, but it’s stagnant. Being is dynamic, and is a much more powerful way to live.
In a very direct way, how you change your child’s diaper is related to changing your life. Are you happy to do it? Or complaining because the poop stinks and you’re running late, and you didn’t get a restful night’s sleep? In life, do you take action on what needs to be done to better your existence, or do you let fatigue and lack of time (difficult reasons to overcome) stop you? It’s all about being true to who you are no matter what you are doing or where you happen to be. The more positive we are, the more positivity we attract into our lives. This is no easy feat, but if we can pull it off we become like a giant magnet, attracting our desires. The bigger the magnet, the faster we create. This is how we accomplish great things.
Otherwise, we’re on a road to nowhere.
And remember, you are not alone…
Recommended books on creating your own reality:
– Conversations with God, by Neil Donald Walsh
– Spirit Healing, by Mary Dean Atwood
Related posts:
– Out of Energy, Out of Time, Out of Luck?
– The Magic Quarter: Creating Your Own Reality
– Anything is Possible
Daddy Brain 
