Depeche Mode: “Wrong” is So Right

Daddy Brain is happy about some new music from his favorite band.

This new Depeche Mode song is awesome! And the video is pretty sick.

Enjoy…

Although sometimes life might feel like this, remember what you think and what you speak becomes your reality. It’s never too late to change your destiny…

And remember, you are not alone…

The Modern Day Dad Award Goes to David Goldman

This is the first Modern Day Dad Award presented by Daddy Brain.

I was inspired to create this post when I heard the heart-wrenching story of David Goldman, a dad who had been denied seeing his son for over 4 years. It is an unusual story, one which I fear is more common than we might think.

David’s strength, dedication and refusal to give up under extremely difficult circumstances exemplifies what it means to be a modern day dad. 

Before you read the article, I’d like to ask a question. What would you do if your wife took your 4-year old son on vacation to her homeland and never came back?

The following is a reprinting (in its entirety) of the Today Show’s online article about David’s crusade…

After bitter 4-year fight, he finally sees his son again

Dad has ‘beautiful’ reunion with boy whose mother abducted him to Brazil

By Mike Celizic, TODAYShow.com contributor
updated 9:41 a.m. CT, Tues., Feb. 10, 2009

Choking back tears that had been building up for more than four and a half years, a New Jersey father tried to describe the emotions he felt at finally being able to hold and hug his son and tell the boy how much he loved him.

“It was the most beautiful thing I’ve seen since his birth. It was incredible. Amazing. I got to see my son,” David Goldman told TODAY’s Meredith Vieira Tuesday by phone from Brazil.

The previous day, accompanied by U.S. Rep. Chris Smith of New Jersey, Goldman had finally reached the end of a nightmare that began in June 2004 when his wife, Bruna, left with their son, Sean, for a two-week trip to visit family in her native Brazil. She never came back.

In all the years since, Goldman had traveled to Brazil numerous times hoping to see his son, but all the contact he was allowed to have consisted of a few brief phone calls.

International dispute
A New Jersey court ruled that Bruna had to return Sean to New Jersey for a custody hearing. But despite international law and treaties between the United States and Brazil that upheld the court ruling, Bruna refused to either return or to give up custody of the boy. Instead, she divorced Goldman in a legal proceeding that violated international law, and married an influential Brazilian attorney.

Then, last August, Bruna died while giving birth to a child by her new husband. After her death, that husband petitioned a Brazilian court to take Goldman’s name off his own son’s birth certificate.

Although the system seemed stacked against him, Goldman never gave up. Finally, with the help of Smith, the New Jersey congressman who accompanied Goldman to Brazil, father and son were reunited for a visit on Monday.

“After all this time I got to see him, walk over to him and hug him and tell him how much I love him and how much I miss him and how joyful it was to be with him,” Goldman said.

‘It was beautiful’
He had no idea if Sean would really remember him and how he would greet him, Goldman said.

“I was expecting the worst. And when our arms locked, it wasn’t that way at all. It was beautiful,” he told Vieira, fighting back tears the entire time he spoke.

Sean asked his dad why it took so long to visit him. “That was very painful,” Goldman said. “I saw the anguish on his face.”

What to tell the boy? Goldman was understandably reluctant to tell Sean how his mother first left him and then refused to let him see Sean.

“I didn’t want to hurt him by telling him the absolute truth, so I just said that the courts were making things very difficult,” Goldman said. “I said, ‘Sean, I’ve been here many, many times to try to be with you. The last time I was here I stayed for 10 days and I couldn’t be with you.’ ”

Smith told The Associated Press that Goldman shot baskets and went swimming with Sean during Monday’s visit. Goldman was scheduled to see his son again on Tuesday.

Vieira asked what plans he had for today’s visit.

‘It’s going to happen’

In a later interview with TODAY correspondent Amy Robach, NBC senior legal analyst Susan Filan said that Goldman should eventually regain custody of his son, whose room in Goldman’s Tinton Falls, N.J., home remains as it was the day he left for Brazil with his mother more than four years ago. Filan said that international law and treaties between the United States and Brazil are unequivocal in affirming Goldman’s parental rights.

“You can’t take a kid from one country and hide him another country and say it’s OK,” Filan said. “There’s no question this case should have been decided in a New Jersey court.”

TODAY
In happier times: David Goldman with his son, Sean, and his late wife Bruna.

Filan said she’s looked at the facts from every angle and can conceive of no legal justification or explanation for how the Brazilian courts have acted. According to every law, she said, the man who married Goldman’s wife “has no legal rights to this child whatsoever.” 

She added that the change of administrations in Washington and the personal involvement of Rep. Smith have clearly helped Goldman press his case. Public attention given the case should embarrass the Brazilian government into bowing to the dictates of the law, she said.

“Once one government accuses another government of being in violation of a treaty, it’s embarrassing,” she said.

Filan cautioned that it may still take time for Sean to finally come home to live with his father.

“I don’t think it’s going to be as quick as everybody wants, but I think ultimately it’s going to happen,” she said.

Links to The Today Show’s videos:
Today Video Interview #1
Today Video Interview #2

Stories like this that remind me how lucky I am. I am so grateful for my family.

And remember, you are not alone…

Sex and the Daddy, Part 2

In Part 1 of this series, Tyler from Building Camelot kicked off a discussion about relationships and the importance of sexual fulfillment (that men crave) vs. emotional fulfillment (that women crave).

Tyler is a brave man to write about this. I have been wanting to touch upon this topic for months, but have been avoiding it. Alas, now there’s no turning back…

As Tyler points out, “if you both make it a priority and work on fulfilling each others needs at the same time, mutual fulfillment can be achieved. If you value your marriage, neither you nor your spouse can afford to sit around and wait to have your needs met.”

I totally agree. It’s not a question of whose needs should be satisfied first. And the problem isn’t necessarily a lack of desire to satisfy our partners.

The problem, at least for me, is not having the energy to do it.

Do I want to be more supportive? YES. But by the time we’re able to talk, after the kids are in bed, my wife is half in bed herself (to sleep unfortunately), and my brain is mush (hence the title of this blog).

Does my wife want to make love with me more? YES. But the truth is she’s exhausted and currently suffering from diabetes, migraines and a knee problem. My incessant talking about the subject doesn’t help much. Just call me Mr. Romance Killer (but hey, it’s not my fault she’s so cute).

To compound things, most of us husbands find sex to be a stress relief (I know I do). The more stressed I am, the less I’m able to be compassionate. The less I’m compassionate, the less likely my wife is going to feel fulfilled  (hence less sex).

The more stressed I feel, the more I seem to obsess on sexual thoughts (bare with me readers, I’m bearing my soul here).

I have trouble differentiating my need for sex with my need to be nurtured. I think that men and women are wired differently, and the male ability to admit to emotional needs is overshadowed by our need for a nice piece of ass.  But really, it’s the same thing we want, there’s just different ways of getting there.

And I wonder how much of that difference is imposed on us by society.

I’m from NY, where every street corner used to have a little candy stand with rows magazines depicting half-naked women on them. What is that saying to young boys AND to young girls? What have we been taught?

But underneath the top layer, it’s not really about sex. The predominance of sexual thoughts and feelings are merely a coping mechanism. It’s a way to distract myself from what’s really on my mind, like:

My wife’s health. She’s got diabetes and she struggles with her weight. I’m afraid of losing her.

I miss my kids all day, 5 days a week. I shouldn’t complain, I get to go home to them every night. But I miss them, and I’m missing out on their lives. They’re only going to be this age once. Sometimes I feel like a bystander.

I get so aggravated with myself about these thoughts, which expends energy. I’m walking around thinking about sex. I’m not being true to myself, I’m not taking a moment to center myself in a meditative moment. I’m harping on something that merely frustrates me even more!

I am dedicated to my wife and my boys. It’s one thing to fantasize, but having sex with anybody other than my wife would go against everything I stand for as a man, a husband and a father. When dads cheat, they don’t just cheat on their wives, they’re cheating on the whole family – and in doing so the foundation of the family is shattered.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying my wife and I are never intimate. For a couple with two kids, we somehow occasionally find the energy. Of course, then we pass out immediately, unless of course one of the kid’s SEX RADAR goes off. That’s always fun.

Has this happened to you? It’s 2 am. You’re both awake. Somehow, someway you both feel inclined to be intimate. It’s wonderful! Until one of the kiddies waltzes into the pitch black room (thank God it’s dark) and wants you to refill his Sigg bottle or wipe his butt after he poops!

Aggggggggggggggggggg! 

Geeze dude, couldn’t you wait like 20 more minutes to poop?

The question is, where did this thought process come from? When & why has this become a coping mechanism for me? And such a strong one?

And does it really matter? If I’m not acting on it, is it so bad? Well, if it’s causing me emotional pain then yes.

And remember, you are not alone…

Family Blogs
blog

Sex and the Daddy

Tyler over at Building Camelot beat me to it.

He talked about sex, and what he had to say made me realize that I’ve been avoiding this topic for too long.

I’d like to highlight Tyler’s article in its entirety here. It touches on many good points about the dynamics of relationship, which is a great place to start…

What Comes First In Marriage? Sexual Or Emotional Fulfillment?

by TYLER on JANUARY 11, 2009

It’s like the age-old question “What came first? The chicken or the egg?” Does sexual fulfillment or emotional fulfillment come first in marriage? I was watching the Today show a few days ago and they were doing a segment on relationship resolutions and how to start off on the right foot for the new year. It was a panel discussion which focused on people who are in either committed or non-committed relationships and what steps they should take in the upcoming year to find happiness. 

When the discussion turned to those who are married, or at least in a committed relationship, one of the guests, Shannon Ethridge, author of The Sexually Confident Wife, said something that has been stuck in my head that I wanted to share and get your opinion. Fast forward to the 3:20 mark to Shannon’s part.

(Link to the msnbc video. Sorry, having trouble  imbedding)

Shannon mentions that at the beginning of each year she evaluates what she needs to do in the upcoming year to inspire her man (she’s been married for 17 years) to meet her emotional needs. I love that she uses the word inspire! It’s certainly a word that’s lost in many marriages these days especially if you have children or you’ve been married for any length of time.

She goes on to clarify that if a woman meets all of her mans sexual needs then he will fall all over himself to meet her emotional needs. I agree with her and here’s my question; does his sexual fulfillment or her emotional fulfillment come first in marriage? Does the wife make sure her husband has all of his sexual needs met first or does the man support his wife emotionally before his own needs?

In a good, healthy marriage I think the answer to the question is simple…it’s both. How can it be both? How can his needs be met at the same time as her needs? If you both make it a priority and work on fulfilling each others needs at the same time, mutual fulfillment can be achieved. If you value your marriage, neither you nor your spouse can afford to sit around and wait to have your needs met.

I doubt that I’m going out on a limb when I say that every man wants a wife who is confident and fulfills his sexual needs. On the flip side, I’m sure the same women want their man to be able to fulfill them emotionally. It’s just as important for men to support their wives emotionally as it is for women to leave their men sexually satisfied.

The one thing that I know I struggle with is recognizing, reacting and inspiring my wife’s emotional needs. I’m always selfishly thinking that she should satisfy my sexual needs first, but we should be working on mutual fulfillment.

What do you think? Drop me a comment below. I’d love to hear from you.

– – – –

I hope you’ll take some time to visit Tyler at Building Camelot and read some of his other articles. He certainly has a lot to offer, especially to us dads out there.

And remember, you are not alone…

Related links:
Sex and the Daddy, Part 2

Tops in Pops: The Best Daddy Blog Posts of October

Tops in Pops: The Best Daddy Blog Posts of October 2008

 

Welcome to what is supposed to be this month’s installment of Tops in Pops. Unfortunately, at least for the immediate future, Tops in Pops is on hold.

Frankly, I have not been receiving enough nominations to sustain the series, and I have not had the time to seek out great posts myself.

Thanks to all involved over the past few months. Although I’m disappointed that the series did not take off, I am grateful for the wonderful submissions I did receive. I’m also grateful for the dad’s I’ve met because of Tops in Pops. 

Who knows, maybe one day it will be back.

And remember, you are not alone…

Tops in Pops: Nominate the Best Daddy Blog Posts of the Month

It’s not too late to nominatie for this month’s Tops in Pops. Choose yourself or someone else either way, you have until midnight, November 2nd to submit. So what are you waiting for? Click on the link below & vote!

What is Tops in Pops?

Have you read an awesome post on a daddy blog lately? Have you written one? Well, here’s your chance to shine (or help a fellow daddy blogger shine) by submitting a post you feel is “Tops in Pops,” for the month of October.

Every first Monday of the month, the previous month’s picks will be posted.

You have until November 2nd to submit a nomination. Just go to the Tops in Pops Submission Form at Blog Carnival. Fill in a few lines of information, and you’re done!

Looking forward to seeing everybody’s favorites.

And remember, you are not alone…

Related links:
Tops in Pops: The Best Daddy Blog Posts of June 2008
Tops in Pops: The Best Daddy Blog Posts of July 2008
Tops in Pops: The Best Daddy Blog Posts of August 2008
Tops in Pops: The Best Daddy Bog Posts of September 2008


Tops in Pops: The Best Daddy Blog Posts of September

Tops in Pops: The Best Daddy Blog Posts of September 2008

Welcome to Tops in Pops. This month’s best-of list is shorter than usual. Between receiving less nominations & not having time to seek out great posts, there are only a handful. The good news is that these posts are fantastic!

Every month, this ongoing blog carnival spotlights extraordinary dads — finding out what’s on their minds, and in their hearts. I hope you enjoy this month’s selection, and I look forward to your comments.

And now, the best of September…

EDITOR’S PICK:
babbo presents Transition – Five Songs that Make Me Think posted at Discovering Dad. This post features 5 songs that will make any dad reflect on life…
   

tom presents Go Kings! posted at D is for Dad, saying, “Excellent story about a divorced dad’s hopes finally coming to reality.”   

babbo presents Failure Can Be a Good Thing posted at Clif’s Notes. Inspirational, motivational and shocking.

 

Reservoir Dad presents Dr Drowser and His Heavies posted at Reservoir Dad. This post starts off looking sarcastic and hard to believe. But Reservoir Dad soon eplains just how debilitating exhaustion can be.

That’s it for this month. If you’ve read an awesome daddy blog post, or written one yourself, here’s your chance to shine (or help a fellow daddy blogger shine) by submitting a post you feel is “Tops in Pops,” for next month’s blog carnival. As long as the nominated post is written by a daddy blogger, it’s accepted for consideration.

What are you waiting for? Submitting a nomination is easy. Just use this carnival submission form. It takes about 10 seconds, and your done!

And remember, you are not alone…

Previous Tops in Pops Installments:
Tops in Pops: The Best Daddy Blog Posts of June 2008
Tops in Pops: The Best Daddy Blog Posts of July 2008
Tops in Pops: The Best Daddy Blog Posts of August 2008

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