The Golden Rule: Treat Others As You Would Like To Be Treated

There’s something I needed to be reminded of today:

Treat others as you would like to be treated.

Simple? Yes. Easy to do? Not always. But the rule holds true whether we’re dealing with our spouse, our kids or our coworkers.

Sometimes it’s hard…
…like when we get caught up in trying to accomplish a short-term goal (a manager looking to “save” money by not giving a valued employee a raise), we sacrifice the long-term (his/her productivity goes down costing the company much more than the aforementioned raise).

Quite often it’s a matter of letting go of the need to control a child’s actions, a spouse’s health, keeping your company in the black, etc.

If we’re having the need for control, it’s easy to get frustrated when things don’t go exactly as we’d like. This often results in lashing out towards the very people we want to help the most. When this happens, we could be pushing that person (or situation) in the complete opposite direction of our desire.

But if we put ourselves in the other person’s shoes and try to get an understanding on THEIR POSITION, we just might be able to offer an empathetic ear and give them the support they really need instead of trying to control them.

Something Jack Canfield, speaker & co-author of the Chicken Soup for the Soul series, said has stuck with me:

“High intention, low attachment.”

I think this is great advice. But how do we have low attachment to someone’s health or our future? I think part of the answer is that “low attachment,” does not mean not caring. It’s more about letting go of anxiety and the need to control.

This is something I struggle with every day.

And remember, you are not alone…

Can You Let Go of Wanting Approval? The Sedona Method, Part 4

The Sedona Method is a powerful & easy-to use program that helped me learn to let go of negative thoughts, emotions and behaviors that were holding me back in every aspect of my life from health, to career, to relationships.

If this is your first look at the series, you might want to check out Part 1 for an overview before you get started. Part 2 focuses on letting go of resistance, while Part 3 is about letting go of the need for control.

This installment takes a look at our need for approval.

Wanting Approval
Have you ever felt the need for approval? From your boss, a loved one, or yourself? Have you ever experienced an instance where there was something you really wanted to accomplish, big or small, but felt you were inadequate to get it done?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, then you’ve experienced the need for approval. When we’re wanting approval, we’re actually feeling disapproval of ourselves — feeling we’re not good enough, not ready, not qualified, not smart enough, not talented enough, and the list goes on…

When we’re seeking approval, there’s an underlying feeling of lacking it. When this happens, “we act in ways designed to help us get it, while all the time sabotaging actually getting it. We are focused on ourselves, and we feel self-conscious.

We become overly concerned with what people think of us. We may say “yes” when we mean “no.” We may allow others to give us the runaround or control us in order to get them to like us. We may take on too much responsibility or not delegate tasks, because we think it will make us more popular.

You can recognize wanting approval, because it feels soft and exposed and also like: “gimme,” or “do-it-for-me.” When we want approval, we feel like we don’t have love and that we need to do something to get it back. Synonyms for wanting approval include wanting love, acceptance, admiration, caring, to be understood, nurtured, liked, among others.

As we let go of wanting approval, we will feel more loving and caring, more loved and accepted.”

Hale Dwoskin,
CEO and Director of Training of Sedona Training Associates

Lately, I’ve been working on letting go of my need for approval concerning Daddy Brain. I have many plans for this blog — from a book, to workshops with dads, to a film or TV show. But I have been struggling with feelings of inadequacy that have been holding me back — literally stopping me from attaining that which is within my reach.

Here’s an exercise that will give you an idea of what it’s like to let go of the need for approval. You may find it hard to do, or you may find it easy. Either way, it’s OK just the way it is. Remember this is only one “slice” of the program. There’s much, much more to it than I am able to explain here.

And remember, it’s OK to take each step as slowly as you need to…

Take a deep breath and focus inside.

Think of a situation where you wanted approval from a specific person or from yourself.

Could you welcome that sense of wanting approval, just for a moment?

Notice what it feels like to want approval.

Could you let it go?

If you repeat this process a few times, I think you’ll find that at least some of your need for approval has been lifted (if it hasn’t already). Remember, this is only a small part of what the Sedona Method has to offer.

The next installment will focus on letting go of wanting security/survival. In the meantime if you’d like to learn more, or try the CD program risk free, click here. You can also purchase the Sedona Method book, available at Amazon.com and fine bookstores everywhere.

And remember, you are not alone…

Related Links:
Part 5 looks at letting go of the need for security/survival

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Can You Let Go of the Need for Control? The Sedona Method, Part 3

In Part 1 of this series I introduced the Sedona Method, a powerful & easy-to use program that helped me learn to let go of negative thoughts, emotions and behaviors that were holding me back in every aspect of my life from health, to career, to relationships. Part 2 focused specifically on letting go of resistance.

This installment of the series focuses on letting go of the need for control.

Wanting to Control
“When we want control, we fee like we don’t have control. It may help you to recognize the sense of wanting to control if you understand that it is not a feeling, although it has a feel to it. It feels hard and pushy, like: ‘It has to be my way.’

When we want to control, we feel out of control and like we need to take action to get it back. Synonyms for wanting to control include resistance and wanting to change, as well as wanting to understand, to manipulate, to push, to fix, to force, to have it be our way, to be right, and to be on top, among others. As we let go of wanting to control, we feel more in control.

As you start to let go of wanting to control or change things in your life, you’ll find yourself accepting things that you can not change, changing things that are appropriate to change, and feeling a lot less tension about things that are truly out of your control…”
Hale Dwoskin, CEO and Director of Training of Sedona Training Associates

A Note About the Word WANT
The mind interprets the word want as lack. So, if you say or think that you want something, what manifests is exactly what you asked for. You become a person wanting (lacking) something, instead of a person HAVING something.

For example if you continuously think, “I want an abundance of money,” your mind (and the Universe) brings you just that because what it hears is, “I lack an abundance of money.” Although this might seem like semantics, there is a truth to this. I’ve experienced it first hand.

Try rewording your desires with the word “have” instead of “want,” and see what happens. The Sedona Method teaches you how to do this in every aspect of your life. As long as you’re willing to do the work you’ll see positive changes, even with things you’ve been struggling with for years.

I have found the need to control in pretty much every aspect of my life. And although there are plenty of things I’m still working on, I would not be who I am (or where I am) today without the help of the Sedona Method.

Here’s an exercise that will give you an idea of what it’s like to let go of the need for control. You may find it hard to do, or you may find it easy. Either way, it’s OK just the way it is. Remember, this is only one “slice” of the program. There’s much more to it than I am able to explain here.

And remember, it’s OK to take each step as slowly as you need to…

Take a deep breath and focus inside.

Think of something in your life that you want to control.

Could you welcome whatever emotional and/or physical feeling that comes up?

Let the feeling fully be here (along with any sounds, sensations or pictures that arise with it).

Could you let it go?

If you repeat these steps a few times, I think you’ll find that at least some of the need for control has been lifted (if it hasn’t already). Remember, this is only a small part of what the Sedona Method has to offer.

The next installment will focus on letting go of the need for approval both from others and ourselves. In the meantime if you’d like to learn more, or try the CD program risk free, click here, or on the Sedona Method link in the sidebar above, right. You can also purchase the Sedona Method book, available at Amazon.com and fine bookstores everywhere.

And remember, you are not alone…

Related Links:
Part 4 introduces how to let go of wanting approval
Part 5 looks at letting go of the need for security/survival

Family Blogs
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