Category: spirit

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New York Times Highlights Moms, Dishonors Dads

In today’s New York Times, there is an article nestled into the bottom half of page one that reads:

“To Buy Children’s Gifts, Mothers Do Without”

The article goes on to describe how moms are making sacrifices this holiday season, and how the mom highlighted in the article “will go without the designer jeans she covets this season.”

What about dads, you might ask? Don’t we count? Don’t we sacrifice?

“In this economy, nearly everyone is forgoing indulgences, and many fathers will no doubt sacrifice this year to put toys under the tree. But figures suggest the burden is falling most heavily on women, particularly mothers…”

Let’s take a look at said statistics: women’s apparel was down 18.2% this October compared to last October, while men’s apparel has only decreased 8.3%. Notice these numbers are generalized to men and women, not moms and dads — so technically they are meaningless…

In a survey, “61% of mothers said they would shop less for themselves this year, compared with 56% of all women and 45% of all men.”

All men? Nowhere in the article is there mention of what percentage of DADS said they would shop less for themselves. Apparently dads have been lumped into the “all men” category.

Once again, nobody bothered to ask dad. Of course it’s not really about the numbers, it’s about the lack of equality and respect dads experience. The fact that the survey taken didn’t bother to include dad’s spending trends is just a cheap way to put “mom” on a pedestal. Honestly, I am sick of dads being treated like second class parents (in case you didn’t notice). 

I can tell you that I don’t buy anything for myself anymore. This year I got myself a new winter hat and a scarf for when I shovel the inevitable & immense amounts of snow that will befall the frozen tundra that is Wisconsin.

More importantly, what about the dads & moms who go to work every day, sacrificing time away from their kids? What about the hours upon hours that we miss, that we can never reclaim? I’m sorry, but not being able to buy a pair of “designer jeans” doesn’t come close to what I sacrifice EVERY DAY as a working parent.

Not to mention the parents that sacrifice eating meals so there’s enough food for the kids. And what about the families who can’t even feed their kids three meals a day?

The article quotes the featured mom, Kristen Hunt, as saying “I want her (Kristen’s daughter) to look back and say, ‘even though they were tough times, my mom was still able to give me stuff.'”

What kind of message is this? On the cover of the NY Times no less?

Is giving kids “stuff” really what we want them to remember?

I would prefer that when my kids look back, they remember my spending as much time with them as I possibly could. The gift of my time, my attention and my listening to (and respecting) my children is what is most important — not an X-Box 360 or a Wii that will eventually become a dust collector.

Sure, my wife and I got the kids some “stuff” for Christmas. But it’s not the important stuff, or the stuff of fond memories — its just stuff.

During the holiday season, it certainly is timely to run an article on finances and spending, especially with what our world looks like right now. But if you’re the New York Times, get it right. Do your research and provide appropriate survey numbers for both parents, not just for the ones who don’t have a penis.

The real story here is not about money or toys. It’s about how these tough economic times are the perfect opportunity for parents to share the greatest gift of all with our kids — ourselves. 

And remember, you are not alone…

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A Question For Dads: Have You Been Treated Like a Second-class Parent?

One of my very first posts was called Dads Are Not Second Class Parents. It touched on a topic that does not get much attention: equal rights for dads.

This message has been discussed on At Issue With Ben Merens, a local radio show here in the frozen tundra that is Wisconsin. But that’s not enough. I want to raise awareness beyond the radio waves, beyond local efforts.

My next step is to listen to (or in this case read) and share other dads’ stories — dads like you.

Submitted stories and their authors will be highlighted…
How have you been treated like a second-class parent? Whether it feels like big deal or small inconvenience, your experience is important and needs to be told. Every story approved by the Daddy Brain editor (that’s me) gets its own post, along with a link to the author’s blog or Web site.

I’d love to know why there are so few opportunities for us dads to talk about what we’re feeling and struggling with. We’re not machines. We don’t think only about money and sex (although both of these topics do cross my mind often).

Whether you’re divorced, married, widowed — whatever your story, this is your chance to be heard.

Submit by commenting on this post, or e-mailing me @ joeyguido@juno.com.

Every generation has its movement. We’ve seen women rise above oppression, finally being treated and respected as equals to men. We’ve seen African Americans overcome horrible mistreatment, finding hard-fought equality in the highest position in America — President of the United States (who by the way, seems like a very involved dad).

Don’t get me wrong, I am not comparing the inequality dads face with either of the above-mentioned travesties that plagued our country for decades. But it is a real issue, a real problem — and it deserves attention.

I am on a quest for equal rights for dads (and equal rights for kids, too). We have a right to be treated as equal parents — by our families, our communities and the world.

Will you join me?

And remember, you are not alone…

Additional Dads are Not Second-class Parents Articles:
– Part 1
– Part 2: And Then There’s Dad
– Part 3: A Divorced Dad’s Perspective
– Part 4: Dads Need Help Too
– Part 5: Perceptions & Paradigms
– Where’s the Dad in Toy Story?

Family Blogs
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Daddy Brain Needs Freelance Copywriting Work

My wife was laid off today because the spa she worked at (she’s a massage therapist) closed down. Just like that — no notice, no severance, not even an apology.

So I’m reaching out to my readers, looking for any leads or recommendations for freelance copywriting work (I currently work full time as a senior copywriter at a major catalog company). I need freelance work on nights and weekends so I can help my family through this.

If you happen to need, or know somebody that needs a copywriter with over 12 years experience, could you please let me know? I have worked for years with companies across the country — mostly offsite — assisting with copywriting services, company branding and more. I am available for writing, proofreading and/or editing assignments. I would be happy to provide references upon request.

Please click here to view my resume. You can also visit my Website for writing samples at:

www.penguinscribe.com

Thanks in advance for any help you might be able to provide.

And remember, you are not alone…

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Tops in Pops: The Best Daddy Blog Posts of October

Tops in Pops: The Best Daddy Blog Posts of October 2008

 

Welcome to what is supposed to be this month’s installment of Tops in Pops. Unfortunately, at least for the immediate future, Tops in Pops is on hold.

Frankly, I have not been receiving enough nominations to sustain the series, and I have not had the time to seek out great posts myself.

Thanks to all involved over the past few months. Although I’m disappointed that the series did not take off, I am grateful for the wonderful submissions I did receive. I’m also grateful for the dad’s I’ve met because of Tops in Pops. 

Who knows, maybe one day it will be back.

And remember, you are not alone…

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Obama vs. McCain: Who’s Best for Our Kids?

As the 2008 Presidential Election approaches (thank God it’s almost over), have you thought about which candidate has our children’s best interests in mind?

Who do you trust, not only to run the country and make things better NOW, but who has the right mindset to build a better future for our children?

Here’s an anonymous poll to gauge how parents are viewing the election. You are also welcome to comment in as much detail as you like (this will not be anonymous).

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Remember, McCain couldn’t even take the time to answer some questions for Parents Magaazine. Only his wife showed up. What does that say about how he prioritizes kids? And moms?

And remember, you are not alone…

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Tops in Pops: Nominate the Best Daddy Blog Posts of the Month

It’s not too late to nominatie for this month’s Tops in Pops. Choose yourself or someone else — either way, you have until midnight, November 2nd to submit. So what are you waiting for? Click on the link below & vote!

What is Tops in Pops?

Have you read an awesome post on a daddy blog lately? Have you written one? Well, here’s your chance to shine (or help a fellow daddy blogger shine) by submitting a post you feel is “Tops in Pops,” for the month of October.

Every first Monday of the month, the previous month’s picks will be posted.

You have until November 2nd to submit a nomination. Just go to the Tops in Pops Submission Form at Blog Carnival. Fill in a few lines of information, and you’re done!

Looking forward to seeing everybody’s favorites.

And remember, you are not alone…

Related links:
Tops in Pops: The Best Daddy Blog Posts of June 2008
Tops in Pops: The Best Daddy Blog Posts of July 2008
Tops in Pops: The Best Daddy Blog Posts of August 2008
Tops in Pops: The Best Daddy Bog Posts of September 2008


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No Small Consequence: Our Children’s Future

Years ago, it was common practice for parents to physically reprimand their children when they “misbehaved.” Spanking, hitting and far worse occured with regularity, and seemed to be the norm.

Although there is still a percentage of the world that hits their kids (which I don’t agree with), there is an increasing percentage of parents who do not discipline their kids at all (which I do not agree with). 

So if we want to help our children learn, but we don’t want to use violence to “teach them,” what’s a dad to do? What other ways of discipline are there?

Yelling? Nope. Been there, done that. It sucked…
Click here for research and details as to why yelling at our kids is an inferior form of discipline. As a matter of fact, it can permenantly damage their brains!

What we can do is offer consequences. Large or small, consequences can be handed out with the calmest of voices, without any physical abuse. I’ve found that as long as I follow through with whatever consequence I offer, it is incredibly effective. It also helps my kids learn to be responsible for their actions.

If we don’t teach our kids to act in acceptable ways through some type of discipline, what kind of adults will they grow up to be? And if we spank or beat the crap out of them, well, what are we really teaching them?

I see too many parents letting their kids do whatever the hell they want. The kids run the show. Until recently, I often found myself in the role of the typical pushover dad  — making idle threats about consequences I never followed through on. Saying things like, “stop it… stop it or there’s no more TV for the rest of the day… I said stop it or there’s no more TV!” Of course, I never turned off the television and the behavior I was trying to stop continued until I would yell.

Not how I wanted to handle things.

Frustrated, I wrote two posts: How to Retrain t he Reactive Brain, Part 1 & Part 2, and in the process discovered that offering & following through on consequences seemed like the most effective, least harmful form of discipline for me to practice.

Last week my wife and I received a letter from my son Max’s (4.5 years old) teachers. He’s been acting out in preschool, yelling at them when they tell him to come to circle time. Max has also taken to raising his voice at us at home.

We do not allow him to raise his voice at us. We use consequences, coupled with discussion (when things calm down), to help him modify his behavior. Of course, yelling at his teachers is unacceptable too, so we let him know there will (and have already been) consequences for this negative behavior.

But it’s a fine line, because I want to procure Max’s independence. I want him to grow up believing in himself, that his opinion matters. Because it does. On the other hand, he needs to learn that yelling is NOT the way to express himself.

But I can’t put it all on Max. I am partially (possibly to a large degree) to blame for his behavior. Although I am constantly working on not yelling (see Stop Yelling Daddy! Part 1 & Part 2), both my boys have seen and heard me do yell. Like it or not, I’ve set a poor example.

We need to treat our kids with respect if we’d like them to be respectful people. We need to listen to them if we expect them to learn how to listen. We need to guide them in ways that do not damage them or riddle them with baggage that they may wind up carrying around through adulthood.

We’ve got to walk a tightrope, giving them space to shape themselves while shaping their space so it’s a positive environment.

And remember, you are not alone…

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Can You Let Go of the Need for Control? The Sedona Method, Part 3

In Part 1 of this series I introduced the Sedona Method, a powerful & easy-to use program that helped me learn to let go of negative thoughts, emotions and behaviors that were holding me back in every aspect of my life — from health, to career, to relationships. Part 2 focused specifically on letting go of resistance.

This installment of the series focuses on letting go of the need for control.

Wanting to Control
“When we want control, we fee like we don’t have control. It may help you to recognize the sense of wanting to control if you understand that it is not a feeling, although it has a feel to it. It feels hard and pushy, like: ‘It has to be my way.’

When we want to control, we feel out of control and like we need to take action to get it back. Synonyms for wanting to control include resistance and wanting to change, as well as wanting to understand, to manipulate, to push, to fix, to force, to have it be our way, to be right, and to be on top, among others. As we let go of wanting to control, we feel more in control.

As you start to let go of wanting to control or change things in your life, you’ll find yourself accepting things that you can not change, changing things that are appropriate to change, and feeling a lot less tension about things that are truly out of your control…”
— Hale Dwoskin, CEO and Director of Training of Sedona Training Associates

A Note About the Word WANT
The mind interprets the word want as lack. So, if you say or think that you want something, what manifests is exactly what you asked for. You become a person wanting (lacking) something, instead of a person HAVING something.

For example if you continuously think, “I want an abundance of money,” your mind (and the Universe) brings you just that — because what it hears is, “I lack an abundance of money.” Although this might seem like semantics, there is a truth to this. I’ve experienced it first hand.

Try rewording your desires with the word “have” instead of “want,” and see what happens. The Sedona Method teaches you how to do this in every aspect of your life. As long as you’re willing to do the work you’ll see positive changes, even with things you’ve been struggling with for years.

I have found the need to control in pretty much every aspect of my life. And although there are plenty of things I’m still working on, I would not be who I am (or where I am) today without the help of the Sedona Method.

Here’s an exercise that will give you an idea of what it’s like to let go of the need for control. You may find it hard to do, or you may find it easy. Either way, it’s OK just the way it is. Remember, this is only one “slice” of the program. There’s much more to it than I am able to explain here.

And remember, it’s OK to take each step as slowly as you need to…

Take a deep breath and focus inside.

Think of something in your life that you want to control.

Could you welcome whatever emotional and/or physical feeling that comes up?

Let the feeling fully be here (along with any sounds, sensations or pictures that arise with it).

Could you let it go?

If you repeat these steps a few times, I think you’ll find that at least some of the need for control has been lifted (if it hasn’t already). Remember, this is only a small part of what the Sedona Method has to offer.

The next installment will focus on letting go of the need for approval — both from others and ourselves. In the meantime if you’d like to learn more, or try the CD program risk free, click here, or on the Sedona Method link in the sidebar above, right. You can also purchase the Sedona Method book, available at Amazon.com and fine bookstores everywhere.

And remember, you are not alone…

Related Links:
Part 4 introduces how to let go of wanting approval
Part 5 looks at letting go of the need for security/survival

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Funny Dad Week, Part 3: Say Hello to Mike Mercury, He’s Funny!

Who is Mike Mercury, you ask?
Mid-western funny man, father of one and former full-time stand up comedian, Mike bares no resemblance to Freddy Mercury, the late singer of the rock band Queen. To my knowledge, Mike can barely carry a tune. But he is funny.

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Mike is currently a professional writer and copy director at a major catalog company in the mid west. He is part of the The Cheese Head Monologues, a trio of Wisconsin comedians who will leave you rolling in the aisles. Mike’s Web site has clips and additional info, including how to hire him for corporate events. Mike will even make fun of the CEO of your comapny if you pay him enough…in advance.

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And now, a few words from Mike about comedy…

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Why have you chosen comedy as your form of communication? Why not another genre?
I think you have it backwards, Daddy Brain. Comedy chose me.

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Also, what makes you think I’ve limited myself to one genre? I’m also an accomplished sculptor, poet and painter.

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Okay, not really. But I found your question pretentious and insulting. Like I’m only capable of doing one thing. Maybe I am. So what? Oh, sure, I could’ve been a rap “singer” but who couldn’t? What other “art” form can you openly rip off legitimate artists and call it “sampling?” Those millionaire rap guys are a joke with all their money and sweet cars and big mansions and hot babes and cool clothes. God, I hate them.

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Why is stand-up comedy so intriguing to you? Have you ever used a chair?

I think it’s safe to say that stand-up comedy is intriguing to you, seeing how you’re the one asking all the nosey questions about stand-up comedy.

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As a kid, what intrigued me about it was that, on the face of it, it seems SOOO simple. You stand there by yourself and you talk. And the audience laughs. At the age of 10 I was naïve enough to think, I could do that.

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More intriguing, though, is that once you do it, you discover how maddeningly complex it is. And exciting. There’s nothing like it. I hate to use a cliché, but performing stand up is even better than that cake called Better Than Sex, which as it turns out isn’t even remotely close to being better than the worst sex you’ve ever had in your whole life but relative to other types of cake is pretty darn good. I think they saddled that cake with a bad name, and in the end it does a grave disservice to both cake and sex.

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Next time you make love to your wife tell her it was better than cake and you’ll see my point. And perhaps more importantly, if you ever meet the woman who invented Better Than Sex cake, do NOT sleep with her.

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And yes, I have used a chair. In fact, I use chairs regularly. They come in very handy when you want to sit down. For instance, I like to kick back in a reclining chair when I read. Right now, I’m sitting in an office chair, which helps keep me elevated just high enough off the floor that I can easily reach the keyboard without straining. Chairs are great. If I ever meet the guy who invented the chair, I’m gonna give him some Better Than Sex cake.
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Who is the funniest comedian on earth? Why?

Well, given my relative anonymity, we can safely assume that it’s not me. So who’s left?

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I don’t think there’s any such thing as a single funniest comedian on earth. There are lots of really funny comedians and a smaller handful of really exceptional comedians. There are also lots of really funny people that aren’t comedians and never will be because there’s a HUUUUGE difference between being funny at a party with your friends and being funny on cue at 8:00 on a Saturday night right after the emcee introduces you to a crowd of 5000.

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To my funny bone, my favorite stand-up comedians include Steve Martin, Jerry Seinfeld, Pat Paulsen, George Carlin, Chris Rock, Ellen DeGeneres, Brian Regan and Jim Gaffigan.

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But to be honest, I’m not sure that it’s fair to limit it only to the funniest comedians on earth. If I were asking the question, I would’ve left it more open ended so as not to exclude or offend anyone.

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Who is the least funny comedian on earth? Explain their success.

Great question, Daddy Brain. First off, I’d like to thank you for the opportunity to participate in this forum. And I’d like to thank WordPress.com for hosting the event. And I’d like to thank your readers. My friends, my opponent and I have a fundamental disagreement over this issue. Frankly, I don’t think it’s my call to make. Let’s just say that certain names have come up – Dane Cook, Carlos Mencia and Mort Sahl among others. But my opponent and I do agree on one thing and that is that success speaks for itself. As long as it is achieved ethically and legally, the results speak for themselves. So in the end it has to be about job creation. And when the results are in come November, we believe that we will be successful and as president, I can and will fix health care. Thank you.

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If you inherited $500 million dollars tomorrow, what would you do with your life?

I suppose I should be deliriously happy. But after I realized that I would have to pay the federal government half the money in estate taxes, I’d be livid. Which would be enough to compel me to run for the US Senate with the single goal of changing the inheritance tax laws in this country. So by the time I fund my campaign, and then lose 40% of the money in the stock market, I’m practically broke. Then I’ll need the federal government to bail me out. Sure, $500 million sounds like a nice chunk of change, but it just doesn’t go as far as it used to when you get right down to it.

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Can you share the best joke you’ve ever heard or written?

After re-reading what I’ve written here, I think the thing about Better Than Sex cake might be my best work ever.
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How about the worst?

Thank you for the question, Daddy Brain. First off, let me start by saying that it has to be an “all of the above” approach. And that Joe Six Pack doesn’t think about things like the “worst” whatever. We’re Americans. We have a “can-do” spirit. And when push comes to shove, we will win the war in Norway. Thank you.

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I hope you enjoyed the final installment of Funny Dad Week. To learn more about Mike, visit his Web site, or check out his blog.

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And remember, you are not alone…

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Related links:

Funny Dad Week: Say Hello to Jeff Sawyer, He’s Funny!

Funny Dad Week, Part 2: Say Hello to Tim Bete, He’s Funny!

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Funny Dad Week: Say Hello to Jeff Sawyer, He’s Funny!

Who is Jeff Sawyer, you ask?
He’s a talented writer with a great sense of humor. And he’s funny, too. Jeff and his wife have two girls in college, so he’ll be working for the rest of his life to help pay off their student loans. He works as a creative director for a large catalog company in the mid west. And he has a blog called, Sawyer Speaks: short original humor, which probably keeps him sane.

One of Jeff’s short stories, Mountain Boomer, was recently published in the book, Humor for a Boomer’s Heart: Stories, Quips & Quotes to Lift the Heart. 

Here’s an excerpt:
“We boomer consumers are a demographic that marketers pursue as relentlessly as ushers chasing a bat during a sermon. We’re sufficiently Web-savvy to analyze their product offerings more thoroughly than any topic of any research paper we ever wrote in college, and affluent enough to more or less afford what we eventually settle on.

Accidental scrutiny of my own physique one morning in my forties (“What is a mirror doing in a bathroom, honey?) led me to purchase a serious rowing machine. I had actually used it, three times a week for years, until a herniated disk left me frozen in the rowing position. Walk around the office with a posture of a Slinky going downstairs, and people are going to think you’re feeling overburdened. Which maybe you are – and the solution to that, they’ll tell you, is exercise…”

I caught up with Jeff (which wasn’t hard with that herniated disk and poor posture) and he was kind enough to answer a few questions about comedy…

Jeff, can you share the best joke you’ve ever heard or written?

My financial plan.
 
Or this one, for David Letterman, early 90’s:
Michael Jackson has just married Lisa-Marie Presley. If Elvis was dead, he’d be turning over in his grave.
 
How about the worst?

Any joke that starts with the word “Knock.”
 
Why have you chosen comedy as your form of communication? Why not another genre?

All the other forms were taken by Republicans. They left us with laughing and weeping. I choose laughing.

Who is the funniest comedian on earth? Why?

Whoever buys material from me. I think Eddie Izzard is brilliant. Andy Rooney kills.

Who is the least funny comedian on earth? Explain their success.

Any comedian who relies on use of the F-word to be funny. That’s right, “Fabio.” Beyond that, I don’t have an attorney, so I don’t want to get sued. Especially if I inherited $500 million. 

If you inherited $500 million dollars tomorrow, what would you do with your life?

The real question is, what would I do with yours?
 
I would first ask my sisters when our parents had died, because they were doing ok when I called home this week. And where did they hide this profound wealth all those years?  
 
I might give it all to Oprah, just to shock her. Put it all in an envelope, and say, “Look under your chair, Oprah!” Then we’d have a great time together over lunch, which neither of us would eat because our comfort waist pants are already stretched out like the steel belts in a radial tire lab test.

$500 million would also afford me the ability to pay my Wisconsin property taxes in 2 easy payments instead of 4. That would be convenient.
 
I would start a hedge fund involving actual hedges, beautifying America one yard at a time.

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I hope you enjoyed the first installment of Funny Dad Week. To learn more about Jeff Sawyer, visit his blog Sawyer Speaks. His book can be found at Amazon.com.

And remember, you are not alone…